one way one way. blog this day by blogtramp ray

Intoxicated Moratorium I don’t know where or when they lost their way Rebounding off relationship Through purgatory, antisocial subgroups, slipping Into spray-paint, one-way, narrow toll express-lanes Following They brake and roll in constant crowds Of drone bees swarming, Helplessly addicted to the hive Of honey-sweet possessions and instant gratification Frantically alive White knuckle hands clutch steering wheels While speeding, lost, to screaming stops As coffee spills and tires squeal Chaos interference in crammed roadway slots, Their rear-view disappears Regressed to extended adolescents, Curled in fetal shells of need, consuming goods Sad shufflers of bourgeois descendents Feeling frozen and misunderstood Pill popping in repression See them race for name and status Automatons so blind and faceless Failing to breath, or look in mirrors more for vanity, They cry in dark dilation tunnels, Surrender, in blood shot eyes All along, each link, Extends the moratorium one-lane human chain Every new relationship Begins again, the same, again… The same One way One Way Fast lane, human chain… Institutions of minds and of each other - Such is Constant, on March 17th 2002. And I imagine such pain As we open through a split seem, Blind while lodged between the concrete and the absurd Entirely submerged but we cannot swim Crawling through birth Drowning yet waking Racing through a stream to light Fighting for that first breath Strangled by the very noose that preserves us in our sacs, and held back Awaiting dilation and thrust through the dark and dangerous canal And the suffocating force of cruel reality, cramping and crushing Blood smeared and purple, breathless from fear and stress A tangled and shriveled mess of unknowingness and need Contractions squeezing us like a vice Subverting subdivisions of the sublime, uncanny In every overtaking thought, unfinished and nauseating Throwing up inside of the black and white tornado Dropped in unfamiliar surroundings, sweating panic in the search lights, caged and digging our nails into its bleeding walls, we slide and fall Slapped and prodded, Poked and studied Choking and crying Soothing, sucking on the synthetic pacifier Nurtured by our friendly manufacturer We’ve entered an institution It provides for us It keeps us safe It teaches us It becomes us It is accepted It is God And I should feel such pain We beg to the institutions for an answer A direction We repress and become unconfident, incompetent, intoxicated and scared Desolate We lose our appetite We regress in an unknowing dark where the monsters are And the institution mothers us back to sleep And sings us the popular song She sings in colour and whores around her Victoria secret lingerie and rubs her sweaty billboard crotch in our fat, foaming faces And I see such pain, Several days on the afterbirth. Mother’s water broke while she was being fucked by the system She was strung out on crack and lost in a horrible whirl of terrifying repetition The institution provided her a gun, a mirror, a baby and the streets The essentials for a hard learned lesson She shot at the mirror, watched a cloud of flashback shatter Left her baby for another gun A gun that made her matter A gun that made her madder A gun so much more sadder A gun that killed her slowly A numbness and an exit was her wish But she got a longer death and utter loneliness It burns And we burn on For several years When seasons change with a stuttering heartbeat New things happen so fast While pace quickens before we’ve chosen our track While we spend our first three morning hours stirring cups of an instant We come to, crammed between yellow lines Perfectly in formation Following equie distant Some strange force pulls us along on the pavement Feeling as if we could nail the son of a bitch in front of us Feeling pressured from the rear But we are kept constant, in radar traffic and flat speed In the innermost pit of our machines, rattling and ticking We turn up our stereos, hide in media, call it mindful therapy We pull over and find calm places to park We seek solitude in the getaway Sometimes the doors we close behind us let us back in through the windows We take breaks behind a warehouse south of the city, still running Inspired somewhat and hushed as we are de-escalated by the very sight of wheat fields bending in the easterly breath that whistled through the railway path Of four seasons constant, yet changing Wind Under the twilight, of the twilight and because of the twilight, She ages Our mother On the mountainous and deep divide that we look to in the furthest distance Watery, rocky, dense and rolling in the sunset Shedding in the whisk of change that sweeps and brushes her natural beauty away like tangles and knots of burs and weeds as industry tears her down and rams her when she’s most vulnerable and true We change our films to highest resolution and snap a shot for the archives and cry As we drive the earthmover over her and think about our families plans to go to Florida Separation She opens her skirt, on stage of the horizon of tense, day and night, dark and light Opening, as the highway races through her, spilling fluid and burning rubber She turns and collects us and all woes and tears Polluting her oceans Eroding from years and years of constant motion Spreading open her clouds to show her dark, damp cavern to humanity That the institution tells us is inappropriate to see The wind and shrubs sway against her prickly pines and rose petals and thorns and moist landings creating friction and wear back and forth, and mudslide until she moans and bleeds from being delighted and pricked, as tears and sap drip from her orifices And she lies still as we use and abuse her And she is far from a virgin now As we plough through her path with our heavy boots and sharp blades Weeding her and deflowering endlessly But we just keep taking more of her And she keeps giving In a dusty moonbeam Her tears of acid rain singe crevices and canyons deep into her mustard skin of sorrow and lament So do we Cracked, dried out wastelands, landmarked by greedy fingers of science forensically dating her In ignorance to the faint cries from salt water pools, becoming puddles in the hot sun Incoherent gargling, written off in the social work books as alley way waste-aways Or as a breakthrough finding of an ancient sea scroll buried by the ages of suffering Still, The same We spend centuries digging to find that so much has remained constant Yet so many of us fight to bury the present So we ask why And we project blame Some God Some Say I know such pain A train thunders right through the middle of this dry-freeze golden brown And diminishes as it chases the green and yellow on rusty rails Riding time’s tracks And the wheat field snaps back Westward, startling me into reality and routine as I consider possible outcomes of future roads yet to travel As my thoughts oscillate from the field to the highway I slip into gear and remember what has gone away, Lies ahead And keeps me here Fondly, thankfully, and sadly And it all blends as uncertainty In a rocky horseshoe, out of eyesight and earshot as the fan kicks in to cool this anxious and overwhelmed heart And I feel such a strong pain Torn We acknowledge this as the fan halts And the water runs dry only when we first notice we’re thirsty While the engine still hums, ticks and rattles We pretend that we are still healthy Accelerating with a heavy and desperate foot Running in circles but imagining differences in continuity Staring at our Dali skies and Picasso blues and Van Gogh fields And most terrifyingly, our Orwell buildings And thinking of Shakespeare, seeing the humour in tragedy suffering and ruin When in Rome, they say As they turn on the T.V Yes the moment slips behind us but it’s claws, they’re in our stomachs, Digging The falcons and the gulls, and the crows too And the meadowlark alone, off there distanced and cautious of so much O’er this field in our rearview mirrors Do they keep or care for pace and formation? Or do they be? As is And accept it for thee Simple and honest Very toeist But don’t they still chase? Are they a scant fearful too? If they glide for too long will they falter? Will they sink? Will they become constant? Will they die? Do they? Every living thing has a pain Does every living thing have a plan? Does a clear lake represent our purity of conscience? Our depuration Our catharsis? Reflections of the mountains, sky, sun, clouds, leaves, stars and all that moves The trains too They keep pace They fall behind They’re scheduled They’re timed They’re on linear lines Many different boxcars, housing separate cargo, Traveling to many different places, all on the same ride, all together, all with similar walls, all for different uses, and on them hangs so many different customs But all with doors, and all with windows, although so many now are barred and locked So many still have mirrors We become fearful, confused and lose confidence We change course and turn back We steer We split wind, changing highways It separates into new directions and gets lost, cycling to reconnect We travel or keep quiet to forget We purchase vaults We store without sorting We keep such pain We keep constant We bleed We need to talk And I write such pain As my engine hums along My fan clicks on intermittently and cools me Low and living Mortal and grounded And I move on Around this turn again Looking for and finding all sorts of different things All sorts of different things All sorts of different things Rolling, swirling, cycling, spinning, turning, swirling, circling All sorts of different things Around this turn again Afraid of something, someone Dying Wounds and blood Chasing and redefining destiny Looking to the stars for answers Looking through an electron microscope Looking to the stars for answers Looking through the microscope Going to confession Blaming Doing it again Looking deeper next time For healing and nursing Not going But cycling and searing Acquiring infection Afraid of our desires It makes us desperate And I feel such pain Destiny? There are quests and questions and many different answers Since the first seem was split Since the first warm white cap wave flooded over the valley walls, Into the Natural crevices of her moist and fertile soil By instinctual force and did tear her rosy petals To slide back away in retreat, back into dark places To leave her burdened, scared and disheveled To watch her child leave and go to war to fight for his peace As a nursery rhyme changed to nightmare And I feel Fire, wind, and storm A hunger too I miss I want And I feel the scythes Missing my field And wanting too often when not sure if needing When on the yellow linear line is killing me So is this segregating and all conforming way So I’ll reach for my sharpest weapon of escape And spear it into my biggest and bluest vein Pumping the ink of life support Into my body and freeing my mind for a while Along this constant drive so cyclical Each foot, each step, each kilometer, each claw mark A new high A good poison in my blood for a change A stream of purple fueling me Keeping constant Keeping cool Singing Flowing Killing off impulses that only multiply to divide and repel one and other In utter war and strife Soon to be completely drowned in pools of boiling purple bursting to cause orgasmic creative convulsions And I write And I write! And I Write! I stab again, staying constant and barbaric, it’s almost primitively sexual as the prose speak so passionate yet flow uncontrollably as if the eventual pinnacle is inevitable and certain to erupt And ensues, a great and long awaited therapeutic release! The amniotic sac explodes and gushes And I can simply be For a while An irrational yet safe getaway And I’ll feel no pain The institution was my body The institution kept me drunk Other institutions created me Other souls kept hidden I feel them so I hope they’ll change They keep constant My pen clicks on Keeps constant And on the road I still must drive I think of such pain I deal with the pain I deal slowly and it still cycles I may escape I may endure I may challenge my pain Still uncertain, unknowing But I don’t want some people, some things to die So I’ll fight to change within what’s constant And then I’ll constantly change

poem-a-day by blogtramp ray

Miracle Bird on Rainbow Lake When you feel the light of a star advance, on your eyes, from the clear-night Simcoe sky, your mind’s in a dance, With your dreams, coming true, waltzing cool waves, soft sands Rainbow Lake, Trillium campers, hand in hand once again Gliding gull, oversees all the miracles, so true Our canoes ‘cross the shores’ tribulations gone through If you can, close your eyes, stand still n’ breath for a moment or two Wait n’ see. You’ll reflect what is shining on you Campfire-light, dazzling while all of Waterford hears Goodnight songs; sing-alongs, echoing throughout the years ‘Resonates in the glow of late August embers, Children, once lost, we’ve now brought back, ‘shed some tears Time to Remember While the wounds of hardships turn to sailboats n’ kayaks of the gifted Swimmers; splashing and diving n’ sharing Spirits lifted. The now, not the past is what brings us all together Place a flower in the glass, plant a memory to last To live forever I was so mesmerized by the children laughing n’ smiling We were all the same age, only treatment’s loving and living Brought a tear to my eye, knowing all in our lives we must go through In that moment or two, while the gull strangely flew Over Rainbow Lake Then I started singin’ again No fears, out loud, cuz’ I was surrounded by talented, miracle-bird special friends On Rainbow Lake Dr. Garach and Clinic - The Maestros of Family Dentistry Dr. Garach. Dr. Garach... the Mozart of Family Dentistry; with his chiming scaling tools; Playing my xylophone teeth like the nacht musique! Flossing’ string Vivaldi virtuosos are your experienced hygienists; Fluoride flavours scale and strike chords on my senses, like Four Seasons on my gums n’ rosy tongue buds. And even with electric polish tools, they’re all so calm with gentle care. And kind to children, they are so attentive and empathetically aware My young Emmie loves to blast off, with her space shades on while captaining the rocket chair. She lets us take some toothbrushes and extra stickers home to share! Such supportive, skilled and gentle staff; a pleasure when we come, and we just can't get be there enough! We are surprised when such a painless stay, so quickly is all done! Dr. Garach, Dr. Garach; the maestro of the rhythmic, oral orchestra’s got all of dentistry a’ singin,’ chatterin,’ even grindin,’ all are grinning! Families, for their first time, walk in; slobberin’ and whinin’ N’ after all the pickin’ scalin, spitting n’ rinsing, leave soothed, sparkly n’ smiling! All the “wisdom” that you give for proper, healthy oral practice... …thanks for “filling” us all in! We’re so excited to race home with purple kangaroo toothbrushes in our hands To hop up at the bathroom sink, with grins from ear to ear N’ brush with watermelon toothpaste; tuff for tartar to appear! But on our way out of your office door, there is one thing reception must make clear Oopsie, that’s the difference on my bill! Oh well. It’s okay! It's been more than worth it! For you all have turned my little daughters’ shrills n’ fears into one big, twenty tooth shiny-smile, sparkling, happy thrill! I hope we fit the “mould” at our appointment with you all When pearly whites are x-rayed, are we worthy of a “plaque” upon your wall! Dr. Garach. Dr. Garach, The dentist we adore Thanks to you, for our next snack, we’ll munch away on Macintosh n’ Granny Smith with mulching molars to our hearts’ content. Reminded from our happy, healthy full-mouths that our time n’ money is well spent While we’re still a'swayin’ from your tools a’resonatin' chiming’ scales n’ Four Season, Vivaldi Scores Refreshed from floss-string plucking harp angels of dentistry we’ll be a’ singin “tafe’ tiffy taye” and whistlin’ while we skip right past the candy store!

hashtag lashbags = blogtramp love a-day

Bloglashes: and in her eyes, i see a similar world where i sometimes stay and dream... in a place where i can get away, where ubiquitous skies and stars meet with the ocean on the only edge a sphere can have, where time blends them together, where one bright star is our beacon that intrigues and captivates us in a calm, cool wave of aquamarine and beautiful sunny wonder. your eyes are the passage, the power that they hold, that pure beauty in your eyes, her wide opened world Wherein every wale or eagle only ever floats and glides right in that blue of sea and sky, I am anywhere, still i am never restless, sad or discontent by forcefullness of circumstance, when i am alone because i am forever at her side with her and together and it sooths me, it makes me smile, it holds my heart, mind and soul and together that together floats and sways and sails and glides alive alive in the wind that skims the ocean and the endless skies in a cosmic sphere that is the beauty all reflexive in her mighty, soft and shining aquamarine eyes

#frames of mind #surreal and #sublime #poem a-day #blogtramp ray

Settling Softly A shivering shrill, in dusk forsaken In misty moon glow, dusty glitter flickers, ‘Cross fluttering flares from strobe beacons In shadows flashing, evening's cast This calmness is unmistaken The whispering wind sighs through the reeds Then shrivels along a rippling, watery wake In a wrinkling pond where boats are docked Weeping willows arch, rattle and rock Sounds are heard brushing against my window On Clear lake where crystal stones shimmer And ring, from a whirling aurora That swirls and swings, so soft and sweeping Like a multitude of streaking rainbows Tranquilly sustained, cradling, Weeping streamer, somber and slow Dancing pirouettes round the loon who floats Way in the distance drifting deep Into this collective, quietly swaying sleep Softly settling silence keeps Symphonic Embers in her eyes, they sparkle, Tiger striped, in shadows I jump through full moon-hoops, to marvel Within captivating orbs of smoldering mahogany, Oracles through oceans of reflected stars In other galaxies afar Although a hostage, I must carefully explore She takes me where our breathing turns to dusty nebulae She carries me through cluster crystal glimmering frost She stares silvery moon-flares Through a meteor shower of anxiety It navigates a path of free feelings, Floating in a calm oblivion, Amidst full catastrophe From fallen stars colliding Her peaceful, wondrous reassuring eyes Evoke no question while my wind-cradled mind Does simply follow her divine example As if I’m swimming through a still reflective pond with her, To settle in a serene sleeping dream of oneness Sensual and real Our spirits fuse together in an ancient, empty canyon on a milky moon We make love within shadows, While a drizzling glitter falls We drift off further than perception Carried by the kiss, which is our gravity While lady infinitys' mothering eyes cry splendors' tears on our newborn bodies Million year old crevice caves of death turn quickly into shimmering sweet and living love lagoons So spiritual So Symbiotic Resonating, rhythmic hearts, one beating Shivering in a star-frost whisper Like a humming lyre Feelings that can never swell, then disappear, Like tingling kisses on a breast We are sustained, everlasting and Symphonic Raymond J. Scott, July 22, 2003 So Deep Rhythmic to my beating heart And chiming mind We are essence that glides, Without breaking Like diamonds, not scratching Sharp and shining Hot blades on cool ice, skating Deep Not only our eyes Our souls Passion’s kiln, it burns within me Every inch of my body swells In heat from her radiant beauty She kisses me so passionately I’m thrilled I’m cooled By the ways that she can touch me Soft to sleep, Held in her breast Sighing, soothing, breezy breath She gently touches, She’s my soul-mate artist And we’re each other’s muse Sustained for ever, She plays the strings within me Not only in the waking hours In softly swaying silent sleep She’s a once in a lifetime dream So deep So deep Beauty-fulled, Belinda-Belle Beauty-fulled, Belinda-Belle Blond bombshell She sells Avon day to day She’s aesthetically refined Cosmetically divine She’ll revolutionize the world someway With her compact contusion blushes And masque shades of multi-layered pain Yes, the first important step To a beauty-full knew-you Is the proper foundation She’s manufactured her face so meticulously I’ve seen such empty whored-art in billboard industry She stuffs the appetites of thousands who’ll objectify her which compliments their massive capitalistic appetite For constant gratification She’s been schooled with all the other perfect, broken porcelain dolls Inside of mother’s locked glass cabinet And all around are scrutinizing funhouse mirrors She’s scarred beneath a caked on paste She’s afraid to go home Because she’s not sure where that is She’s punishing herself by looking beautiful By running into his arms The jade shame in her eyes still shows Beneath the rouge and blush Beauty-fulled Belinda-Belle Blond bombshell Just graduated at the top Above the lesser low-shelf dolls She now sells door to door, by phone, in chat-rooms And whores around on infomercial, web cam auctioneer for her hooked addicts Family men n’ business types that haven’t found their God just yet but lost daughter years ago, while focused on their own big dreams, the mood is set She’s obsessed with being main stage pop queen She’s starving to be scene! She hardly sleeps at all For every layer must dry If she smiles, she will crack She can’t afford it The cost to reapply But she’ll always exit stage left The storm gray flooding sorrow in her vanity mirror eyes will probably never subside

Alleyways and Corridors and Other Frames of Mind: symphonies of sweet, uncanny mimicry - blogtramp-r...

Alleyways and Corridors and Other Frames of Mind: symphonies of sweet, uncanny mimicry - blogtramp-r...: Staring into Puddles Staring into water-portraits of himself He cries in funhouse mirrored mimicry Living half the day away inside o...

symphonies of sweet, uncanny mimicry - blogtramp-ray-today #poem #madness

Staring into Puddles Staring into water-portraits of himself He cries in funhouse mirrored mimicry Living half the day away inside of fantasy He'll babble incoherent holophrase, amazed He studies his reflection in a muddy puddle Frozen catatonic, drenched in winter drizzle Welling teal tears flow, splash and ripple Stirring clouds to smother his warp-double Mood-swing-laughter projects from obsession He has died inside the animated film In this utter state of over stimulation He runs off to a new dimension, in a whim Playing hide and seek behind the coat rack Giggling while his withering guardian calls Lost in overcrowded shopping malls, He suffocates in panic, social phobia attacks He kicks his rain boots through the window In explosive rage and tantrum fuss And scatters to a million broken bits of dust After shattering the looking glass Copyright ©2002 Raymond John Scott Eric Keeps on Staring Staring into scattered portraits of himself, That's Eric, crying in the mirror of mimicry Living half the day away inside of fantasy He'll utter incoherent holophrase, amazed Acts of movie screen emotions mood swing As he'll laugh, then cry, performing In a puzzling drama, shockingly familiar To that rainy day dialogue with a mud-puddle Gazing into cracked and cloudy rear views As a client in his parent's car, he is amused Reciting lines, in syndication, from cartoons While entertaining playmates he can choose In many different copies, frames and outtakes In a glass-pane, pond or dream recital Fragments, from the person he portrays Uncertain in which one he will behave Eric plays back photos of some memory Someway saved as snapshots, cycling Watching closely, his reflections He glues together, surreal recollections The System “Every system is a sum of interchangeable parts” It’s Children Bothered, forced and beaten Broken, taken, homeless then hurt Scared, desperate, split up, angry and separated Twisting the sharp, jagged glass of anxiety and abuse deep into a predisposed opening of worthlessness, Inflicted Dragged down dirty, urine soaked hallways by a whelm of blue confusion And a damp, musty smell stirs up from the carpet being pounded out, By all the commotion Looking up, limp, dizzy and exhausted, after kicking at the shins of this oppressing force, “Ward”, Disoriented and breathless Agreeing to take the pill Powerless Closing off …And It’s Parents Denying Seeking empathy, and given pity Hard for them to be hated out loud because it’s not professional nor ethical, nor responsible, nor culturally, socially, or ethnically moral It’s a cycle; it’s a shame But someone must take blame! Lashing Selfish and senseless Inflicting, with injury and shattering hopes leaving syringe scars Chasing what should be nurtured and cherished, into dark, infested crawl spaces With bars To be crammed and crowded, Closing in with each new need unmet It’s a sickness, suffering …It’s clients Being abandoned, being shackled in restraints, helpless Being assessed, evaluated, counseled and classified, strictly confidentialized Being teased and bribed Becoming constantly defensive Naked and defenseless In need, yet defiant Falsely self-reliant …As It’s clients They cover right up They act aggressive to protect themselves from a world That seems to cave in around them A foothold that seems to sweep out from under them They’ve been dressed in the institution’s clothes And then the society tears them off When again time to switch houses They question They kick in walls They carve lines into their arms with compasses, already scarred They become oblivious to truth and innocence, Become less and less naïve They find pain as the only way to feel, to fit in, and to belong, Because it is all they know For it’s the only thing not ripped away! It’s almost momentary solace It’s comfort for a while It stays Amidst everything else weighing so heavily, that constantly rapes and betrays …It’s individuals, Disappearing and unheard Growing up, in all the wrong ways, all too fast But triggered into events long past Strangled by control Wards of society Bought and sold Constantly repressing needs, wants, emotions, personal goals Because of what early learning and painful observing has told Behold, What years and years of incongruity mold! …The Child and Youth Worker Coaching and telling Not listening Acting “The Professional,” “The Talker,” “The Counselor” Not “The Person” Always finding someone else willing to be, and whom they are, willing “To fix” Not “Being Helped” …The Student Unsure to raise a hand Unsure to test the new techniques He doesn’t know what on Earth to say Uneasy, worried, sleepless and sad Torn Who is he and what is he “Supposed to be?” Right in the middle of all this Unfortunate, short-circuiting want, expectation and need, Burning out while wondering if he should keep trying to keep speed In a crawl space, clawing Shrinking Wondering “Why is my father chasing after a PHD and not me?” March 28th, 2002 The System, Jist: You say, “Every system is a sum of interchangeable parts!” It’s Children: Are bothered, forced and beaten. They are broken, taken, homeless then hurt. They are scared, desperate, split up, angry and separated. They self-inflict the jagged glass of learned anxiety and abuse into a predisposition of worthlessness, twisting. When they cry out the only way they know how, they are immediately “held” in other words, dragged down dirty, urine soaked hallways by a whelm of blue confusion and a damp, musty smell stirs up from the carpet being pounded and stomped out by all the commotion. Looking up, limp, dizzy and exhausted, after kicking at the shins of this oppressing force, our “wards,” disoriented and breathless, comply and are administered “The Meds.” They close off further, finally, during late-night shift change, in their treatment center beds. …And It’s Parents: Despite what they may or may not have asked for, are given condescended empathy, and are given seminar for structure. They are text-book counseled because it’s not professional nor ethical, nor responsible, nor culturally, socially, or ethnically moral to become emotionally involved. There’s a cycle in there somewhere. “What a shame,” some say. As clients: abandoned, and helplessly shackled in purgatory restraints, they are assessed, evaluated, counseled and classified, under rigid confidential code. They are all teased and bribed with token and reward. They are set up with goals and action plans and, of course, consequences. They are naked and defenseless; in need, yet defiant and falsely self-reliant. They cover right up in a second hand wool blanket womb of developmental regression. They are our lambs. They act aggressive in crawl spaces to protect themselves from a world that seems to cave in around them. They’ve been dressed in the institution clothes and then the society tears them off when again time to switch “Homes.” They kick in walls and carve lines into their arms with compasses, already stained. They learn from each other how to take an inch and hoard a mile, forming antisocial affiliations; acting naïve with alternate motives while hiding agendas. They find deviance as the only way to feel, to fit in, and to belong, because it is all they know for it’s the only thing not ripped away by the law. It’s almost momentary solace. It’s comfort for a while It stays amidst a terrifyingly confusing world of sadness, false promises and surprise (or surprisingly predictable) abandonment. …The Child and Youth Workers: Coaching and telling but not listening. They act as “The Professional,” “The Talker,” “The Counselor” not “The Person.” They always project on someone else, the need to be, and who they are, willing “To fix” They are compulsive caregivers who are not “Helped” or “Helping.” …The Students: Unsure to raise a hand and intimidated out of “Technique.” They don’t know what on Earth to say when finally faced with crisis. Uneasy, worried, sleepless and sad, they become slowly detached. Who is the Individual? Who is he and what is he “supposed to be?” Right in the middle of all this most unfortunate, short-circuiting want, expectation and need, he is burning out while wondering if he should continue trying to keep speed in a crawl space, clawing, shrinking, wondering and desiring.

#Blogger Tramp By Day - #Loners #Alleyways

Will you remember me at all? There’s a silver flair of hope in your brilliant, eyes n’ dreaming smile When the moon is on the rise And you capture me right there When time seems like it’s stopped, how so, we are delighted to not care While I’m intrigued, captivated and compelled to carry you ‘cross burning deserts, lava-fire seas, rubble from collapsing massive towers, at the center of our sacred cities, all that stands to stop us; tear our wills with hate and lies through minefields of hatred n’ intolerance and crashing jets from terrorism’s kidnapped skies, and quarrelling religious schismatic schizoids, n’war-stricken sects, n’ love forbidden poor lost fools who would rather die to kill than live to compromise at best so many of those sad, sensational, terrifying tabloid line ups for addictions’ news Amidst all that’s mad, toxic, n’ sickening Even shipwrecked on an island, I must hold you, anywhere And all the spirits in the night Lead us to a secret place Where there’s release within the wind And we’ll slowly start to cry We’ll make love on our calm bay While the worlds’ so far away We have found ourselves, at last, in harmlessness embrace There’s a pain from letting go An ache in holding on Where memories gently flow The good still carry us along The heroes take the unknown paths, Many horrifying tasks When clouds of darkness fall Love is built; twin tower tall If I’ve forgotten who I was Or not sure what I’ve become There’s forgiveness, hope and love There’s shooting star-dreams, and tomorrow There’s a reflection beaming off the lighthouse, from the new days’ rising sun Where I hold you, far away, and also here, this way Where we both feel free and safe Do we keep our love away from them all? (The fighters, leaders, the fear lords n’ cowards n’ all around suffering, sad shufflers n’ losers of far too much of it all) Or do we fight the fighters to teach and share so much more of it all? Not a loner by choice All we need is a chance All we want is some love All we need is some air To breathe on our own All we have is ourselves n’ the fix And all we’ve got is the cold n’ survival skills Out here on the streets We’ve got to just get on It’s not food that we need Nor a hostile, to take refuge, nor food It’s an angry, awful maze We’re clawin’ the walls of while we steal n’ run ‘round in scracthin’ up our veins As we steal to survive Take a deep hoot on our pipe Keepin’ ourselves wide awake, still alive Numbed in the darkness, let our fix come in One day at a time’s not a’ phrase we live by This world is so cruel Can I get few bucks n’ some clean socks outta’ you! Some hydrogen peroxide’ll clean the dirty scabs outta’ my arm, N’ wash the sting from my skin Let me get a hoot in Not a loner by choice Not a stat on your streets Not a loser with no voice Not an addict in need Where is the land of opportunity? Aye yeah. I’m almost gone. I can’t go on without some hope that something good happen to me. All we need is some life, To happen to us for a while When you’re makin’ other plans Like John Lennon sang To his beautiful boy Not a loner, by choice Not a loser with no voice Not a loner Not a loner

Hoots n Hollows found in Cracked out Alleys n Corridors by BlogTramp Ray

Stack of papers… Turn a page to a moment in time Fond memories in every line That I remember so clearly, Some smiley, some teary In a page from a moment in time Act 2012 The modern dance ballet performance, out among our city streets Has squeegee Black Swan Siera, (scabbed n’ sore with shirtless coward) creepin’ ‘round our cars, n trucks; withdrawing, door-to-door My daughter questions what they do I shed a tear for her and say, My darling, she’s so beautiful, “Look at her, so young!” A princess once, now with that addict she’ll rot away She’s frantically callin’ the dealer on a stolen cell She creeps n’ crawls n’ fixes in the alleys of a ballerina’s hell If she’s not walkin’ the lanes Then she’s in my basement apartment bathroom; steaming and poking her few good veins She’s dirty n’ starving Blood n’ mud n’ all her stains, Wash down my shower drain Intermission Sleep all day Then put on yer rags n’ dance your world away Ever since the very first taste, she was hooked by him The Devil; Who is working, so ever presently, …Hard To win us over But where is God! There is no question - The Devil exists But there’s all kinds of questions about God! Christ! Why the Hell is that! They won’t leave me alone! His disciples; Callin’ in my windows Writhing, cross the floor, beyond the bathroom door In every alleyway, ‘round every corner Just outside my home Abandoned, desolate, hopeless No love They crave him They’ll show up; looking for money What’s then my state of mind? Influenced??? Who will protect me? Family, love interests, old friends? Where is God then? In the middle of the night! Where is he, out on the streets; fighting hard? Has he lost his way? Satin, be silent! In the name of…..??? In the shadow of doubt Behind every bush Hooded and horking on the sidewalk Peering Always creeping in when I’m astray N’ sleepless Doubting Working hard; Calling my name Looking to put his thing in me With his globs of cum n’ piss puddles everywhere All over the road All over his dirty hos Calling, crawling, setting in - right outside my houses’ door the trance the dance Is it God that gives me the strength to kick him and his hookers out of my car? Before it goes too far? When my dark and devilishly seductive thinking Pulls the blinds down After crawling out of my head N’ falls ‘round my subordinated body ‘Helpless slave to the outside world, in basement, hiding, Pulls my clothes down with its’ heavy, depressing, manipulating anchor, And wraps all around me, as I’m sinking And it’s heavier than the titanic Can be colder than the iceberg, And the midnight sea, to be warmed by temptations flowing arousal More clouded than oil n’ blood spills Screwing me up Twisting In the sheets of my sleep chamber I cannot unwind It’ll touch me all over In dirty ways And feed me alcohol To keep me a weak victim, So easily swayed By it’s temporary game of master and slave Catch and release Escape

Dear Daughter - Poem-A-Day by BlogTramp Ray

Look at me now, dear daughter, Please; With eyes that are truly listening Because I’m here for you And I need you to hear That I love you so much And I think of you always Everywhere I go It devastates me when you turn your back and walk away Or won’t even say so much as hello I’m sorry for the hurt I’ve caused you Sorry, I know is not enough Not even a beginning I love you more than anything, My dear daughter Forever, I just want all the sadness, anger and doubt to leave And I need to see you calmly smile and feel good more I’m here for you I guarantee I’m listening, actively, with empathetic, genuine, loving curiosity I’m all ears for you If you ever need to talk to me

BlogTrampPost-Title - Blog-A-Day-BlogTrampRay

Warm, smooth miracle? I’m so amazed and mesmerized. Crystal gleams in her eyes (Reflections chime) From the whispering candle light Sweet symphony I kiss her lips and I’m so alive We hold each other close, all night Shangri-La’s within her eyes The sighing smoke whirls to crescendo While the spirit in her calls me, as a cool breeze Through my open, Caledonia country window And Grand River carries us away, on an almost endless boat ride Safely, Securely, Sigh Calling, Calling The birds, the willow trees The soothing sway We breathe I slip into that magic forever, in that shining space of stars a’ shining high above And deeply in that ocean of her eyes Reflecting the watery, calm call, rippling, in a wrinkling light There’s a waxy, warm, smooth miracle Happily crying Our hands hold the candle together Melting Molding our hands as one Holding Holding She is the love of my life; Flowing and free With the river Us three, Now one Certainty Embraced and flowing Deep into the shadowy unknowns Of all that is Around Within Out there And, to be Searching for that magic solitude in the undying calmness of the whispering sedation and windy shore of that deep ocean of oneness Ocean blue, Natalia ‘Think I love you Allow me to wax in wonder at your grace Your soft, sweet curves, to feel my full lips, warm breath trace Each bud and shivery, tingling goose bump taste The scent of passion Where we embrace Neath the trees of Binbrook Our veins Grounded to the Earth, yet branching out, everywhere Breathing Each others’ breathe With roots so full of new, intoxicating oxygen and rushing blood We flow like the river We are life! In this poetic dream, I run my trembling finger through her weeping willow hair ‘with shaking hands; reach to this angels’ face to part the braids from her blond veil And in a supernova blast, her eyes scream jade and amber stardust colour in a sunny Caribbean wave through arctic glacier and aurora northern nebulae Her arms fall slowly to her side, While I kiss her softly like all those bending branches swaying along the riverside how these Binbrook trees, along this hwy 56 are reminiscent tears to my blue-green eye for those long, romantic Dunville picnics and Byng Island evening canoe rides Let me bow for you and take your hand In the misty dawn; uncovering Forests, sighing evergreen In spirit wind and unity Allow me to flow along with you In rivers of calm blue patience Mirrored While we float together calmly in our own lagoon of accepted unpredictability Yet we’re secure While all around our certainty, The roughest waves of time-tsunamis Between us The only distance is the space we share while listening Sharing Breathing Gently Lips move closer All is pleasantly swelling Clouds and waves and our lips Parting Hearts and thunder beating A sun shower begins While our raft reaches sand And we roll into the shore with the tide And make passionate love in the cool, wet white sands; shining, And our youthful laughing sounds across the vastness of forevers’ aquamarine sea How do I express such gratitude to you? For the experience of you For the miraculous, wondrous experience Of simply, basking in the glow of your smile You shine like a happy sky Clearly, with freckles and twinkles, endless From your reassuring, pleased eyes, sending; A warm, kind, gentle rush of calmness and content That I yearn to bathe in, like a tropical lagoon, waterfall or hot spring Forever You are the last true gem In a sea of rubble and ash From terror’s war Of too many people obsessing over the same things In confirmations’ conformity You stand tall Beaming Like a giant sun Through a galaxy of clouded dead stars’ dust You glimmer and shine and turn ash to diamonds And recreate life in the earth and sky, all around Just by being here Reflecting And I feel somewhat guilty For wanting Am I now too, obsessing? This is not what has caused the harm they’ve done This is true love And what takes me to the perfect kindness and pure creation In your laughing, brilliant, loving eyes He must sustain The ecstasy Eternal high What he must feel Won’t set him free The pharmacy Has locked the door He pounds the ground With his bleeding hands Writhes on the floor In corridors What’s he good for! Nothing is real Out in the cold All alone In alleyways A foggy gaze And the traffic always turns and swerves When his heart shrills n’ he stumbles from the curb And he’s poked n’ punctured every burnt up nerve And he’s just so cursed N’ he’s runnin’ from his hurt Dark black stones Of the forsaken eyes So far away from The man inside This prescription, he must have refilled This line’s on hold At 3 am He curls up in The dirty bed In a downtown room Fetal cocoon ‘All the lure is sin ‘Consumes his head Clinging onto his tray of tools He’s the living dead He falls asleep Starving for food Ginseng pipe in hand, still muttering; Just one more hoot The holes are deep Out on the street He needs the fill

Alleyways and Corridors and Other Frames of Mind: When her and I have come to bare... A Poem-A-Day o...

Alleyways and Corridors and Other Frames of Mind: When her and I have come to bare... A Poem-A-Day o...: Shimmers and sings in swaying rows of pear-trees bending, in her ripening autumn breeze; the russet-haired lady who calls for me through the...

Alleyways and Corridors and Other Frames of Mind: Seasons of The Tramping - Poem-A-Day, BlogTramp Ra...

Alleyways and Corridors and Other Frames of Mind: Seasons of The Tramping - Poem-A-Day, BlogTramp Ra...: Seasonal Love What is it about seasonal love? That makes us weep? Like naked branches, Bending in the wind Of winter Shuttering snow We lie ...

Seasons of The Tramping - Poem-A-Day, BlogTramp Ray

Seasonal Love? What is it about seasonal love, That makes us weep? Like naked branches, Bending in the wind Of winter Shuttering snow We lie to our dearest companions, ourselves In secret but to keep Enslaved by our own masked inadequacies Settling for a caretakers’ role We’re pretentious in this quest toward dependence and stability When everything about us Manifests as inattentiveness and incongruity Who was it that elected politician; stealing pearls from angry Woman of the Sea? And named a new tradition, to worship their own legacy Presenting in binding of commitment on a satin pillow So symbolic indeed The marble eye of love That, within each dawn, glows; Watching And in dusk, Begins to close, so milky The dream shell Where have they gone, in worlds where loneliness keeps still Within the hollow hells of isolations’ curse And unheard, dying shrills? Where has the right to be alone, peacefully, with confidence gone? Have we not desired far too much, scorned by jewelries’’ monetary flare With all of it, are we not walleyed and blinded, Entranced from staring at the chandelier shimmering stars for far too long? Where is change in this world, like an old wooden mill wheel? Forcing rusty streams to flow And bloom continuity and congruence When the very diamond that will bind my right to passage With the woman who I love and will walk through many thresholds with Becomes this cold, captivation stone; Enslaving us in cells of debt ‘Owned by our wardens – the imaginary audience Wearing on our mind and body Now, in golden symbolism, fused Imprisoning our indifferent spirits Paranoid numb from scrutiny Sullen in such suffocating, claustrophobia Of pristine modern marriage myth Who will bless us if we are not enough to bless ourselves? With answers, concrete to obscene? In living Hell We’ve suffered only circumstances Of our own cognitions’ irrational prophecies Interpreting each sunrise as a tease from God or wickedly unachievable dream We will continually seek out confirmation for our doubt and self-defeating talk We will hold strong to our cynicism concepts, creeping in conformist’ seduction high heel –steps- Together, We Will- walk - For we’ve bound ourselves with modern age, collective super wheels And we continually suffer cycling mistakes Our flaw of thought and faltering trust Instills a certain careful, Shivering fear There’s reluctance in reliance to be a passenger of the force that steers Can we reconnect and love again? Amidst the smothering smoke of sensational news; Quelling creativity and joy Dispersing toxic listlessness and heavy clouds of laziness and misery Can we rise again? Can we even release, be independent, laugh, have ideas, shed a tear? In failing to remember why we’d meditate in cities that still scream and billow For progressions’ sake Persisting in a draining drone To change, as seasons do We both forget that we must fight To ever own Our fate Amidst the late evening of winter, Melting into spring brooks; babbling I am asleep Her delicate, misting-mouth trudges Through jaw -line swerves and curves Round rugged ledges of my chin Tangling in the wild weeds of my swampy, sighing face, unshaven Sticking in the humid, shrubby crevice between, Carefully, Continuing To find landmark On the warm moistness of my soft lips, Slightly parted; breathing steam To paint them, faintly, with a rose petal kiss And she’s startled there, halfway, in the wet and murky turquoise of my eyes When the thorns of my anxious minds’ crown deter me while those thoughts sigh But she reassures While I blink and smile, A little shy We finally kiss And it’s an emotionally wondrous landslide, Along sloped hills of sensitivity (soft clay erosion and waterfalls) Climbs and dives And peeks and wells With butterflies A’ gliding Transcending space and time Launched off ecstasy’ cliff, like eagles Splashing at the end Then rippling like divine musical vibrations ‘cross a calm wake in a tributary of transition Like keys or plucking strings From shale stones’ resonation; skipping We’re well rested in each others’ thoughts Just swimming Playfully So naked, Purely balanced, tuned in, then Floating Like I, In her, She wraps herself in me As we become flooded in each others’ comfort fulfillment And the soft wind whirls her fair hair ‘round my head; A sandy beach blanket veil Pulls me in, ensconced by all the starry wonders of this lovely night Where we are so close, together – One And our minds, bodies and souls Are joined When our eyes collide, Like stars And fuse together - Fiery And then, We are alone, In love and all is truly right Is this the one?

#Trampy #Blog #One-Per-Day #BlogTramp #Ray Scott

Her eyes became two glowing moons Of copper spheres and ember rings with ardent flare And I Stood frozen, in bewilderment, So enslaved By this passionate and fiery glare The swelling heat inside those orbs; so waxing, Soon absorbed me As if no one else was even in the musty, dark and most deceptive Tavern room Clouds of shuffling pretenders, n’ desolate, dead-enders; Parted way and folded over for This magnetic force to pull us closer, Together Like master and slave Or two equals? Almost in a moon-trance My desire for this hypnotizing beauty whisked me in a gasping, nervous wave Toward her Like the lady of the lake; calling Despite the background warnings of the banshee from those lost out there, so broken Calls from the desolate, back on the fading shore, in vain Her seductive grin is now my lighthouse And she’ll act pleased to fill my glass And in several million ways, intoxicate me easily and fast There, I glided, off my feet, through their dead wake Beneath the billiard table starlight Into a fusion of the mirages’ safe and mystic solitude and lonely fool’ Love, At first sight Within her beckoning smile, breaking through the clouds Of boredom smolder Time, for me, stood still and all else just went silent While her Gypsy eyes did sparkle and she became Miraculously bolder In taking on the role of my one master and controller I reached out, from my captured soul, so desperate and obsessed To her, like a tree, up to the sun My fingers stretched and curled, to feel her soft, sweet painted face I twisted and I turned, as do burnt out swirling comets, Through dark dimensions plunging Through galaxies of resurrection; meandering, Following that trace Of stardust; Shimmering in clusters, Where I’m reborn to chase When she’ll turn away Every single time While made mad by overanalyzing Every frame of her seducing mind I’ll follow Her teasing trail Forever apologizing Away I go Lost, through many black-holes I have been in search of this ‘Easy victim? Maybe so In tavern full of loneliness and need For not in centuries, I have feared, That our eyes would finally meet! Now is this true? Can she be real? After all the shortcomings and such pain I’ve gone through And endured? The season fades, Then is born a ‘new Let still redeem My love for you Will I paddle the canoe? Will I row with you everywhere? Will I let us just float On a wave of time Till the line of the horizon is gray, Or, in the calmness of this evening, will we forever stay? Achieving - while dreaming tomorrow, After today Alleyways and Corridors N’ Other Frames of Mind Buskin’ on the borderline Raymond J. Scott – Ray Scott, 2012

Alleyways and Corridors - Ray Scott

Alleyways and Corridors and Other Frames of Mind Sunday, 16 February 2014 Alleyways and Corridors and Other Frames of Mind, Ray Scott …Buskin’ from the Borderline Won’t mean a thing at all You can take away my light of day You can take away my only way Take the land right from my fall…. But take ‘way passion and it won’t mean a thing at all Take away my crowns and jewels Brands n’ bar codes, blind me like a fool You can line me up against the wall…. Assassinate my soul and it wont mean a thing at all Make me carry all your burdens Leave me wandering uncertain Exiled, naked, snow and famine But with my memories there’s still vision Take away my shooting stars Take away no matter how far You can take away my fleeting hope If you take my dreams away it wont mean a thing at all Wont mean a thing at all Earthly Moments - …and the tides, that I used to feel in her breathing, on my chest, while she slept, beneath the white willow; waving ore our minds, while flashing lights of consciousness brought hope and wonder, for what seemed a million lifetimes, for an earthly instant, sparkling stardust slowly kept, but there held gravity in her heavy eyes and worry for the moment, dulling out the nebulae. Our stolen moments, pulled away into the dense doldrums of the heavy, human day. Then, each gasp, each responsive sigh, rowing against the current, splitting, gradually strengthening, repelling. We were kept in two dimensions, different, distant, drifting. The break, not only in our busy day, but of the shore, as waters crossed its’ sinking sands of time and of age and of these rolling changes to our lives, in that very thirty minute melancholy as the sails set back …and the wind, so swiftly carried her away. Now, she is but the meadowlark meandering in and out of stain glass twilight mosaics over somber swaying wheat fields and in whirling maple keys that rain on the monarch of my collective, …my glass globe memory is in all Earthly seasons, swirling. Wile Lady West Lake Wanes I found an angel in oh, so many ways In Serene August moonlight on a sail dock of West Lake Sparkling in the night, feeling so right Starlight in her eyes from aurora northern skies With no word or sign, the summer rushed by While the cold air would close in, fantasy warmed our minds Distance, we knew, would swell between us Far off, in the wind, ‘tween reality and the rush (Wounded spirits in waves of September blew in) Look my way, take my hand It’s alright We’ll say goodbye all over tonight Though I never kissed her, two ships sailed as one On a calm lake of honesty lifetimes from where we’d come Her nature, truly wonderful like the sunset and the moon glow But I felt, from each wave still, imminent autumn frost winds blow (Setting sun, like the anchor, sank so low) Look my way, take my hand It’s alright Don’t say goodbye as we nearly kiss in the rain Now I’m dropping the mast and drying my tears Holding the anchor and drowning in fear Look my way, take my hand It’s alright Say goodbye all over tonight Look my way, take my hand Cause it feels so right Don’t say goodbye while we nearly kiss in the rain While Lady Lake wanes White Rose Angel White rose angel, magnificently divine Gentle, warm, soft spirit Skin, like petals; silky, cool Her purity, unrefined She unfurls in the morning sun .. with me at dawn we are renewed, reborn, T’is my awakening Shivering in September wind .. though her beauty seems unaging I would love to hold her to my heart and dream; A somber sigh will warm her i would hope to hear her sing to me while willows sway before November blizzards take her oh, does she call for me? within the whirling echoes of sweet orchards or is that merely haunting sounds of fools' gold dust, a’ blowing, shaking leaves in endless acre rows, of torpor, turned to russet where a fiercer fall winds' flowing My White Rose Angel is it too late to save thee? Until my morning comes I am staring out my window into the heavy rain Thinking I don’t know what love is other than pain The willow tree a’ weeping, is in my memory As I’m lost, alone and feeling so empty Now I’ve done wrong, though I’ve made right I don’t know which is worse I keep following mirages, confusion is a curse Well I’m crying on the inside, where I burry all my fear And I’m wondering when will everything be clearer? Well I’m feeling empty. And I’m waiting for the sun, could be of God…, And I’m feeling empty, and I’m holding on until my morning comes Now I’ve been back-doored and deserted. I guess I’ve deserted too And there’s a million other reasons to be running back to feeling blue All my running’s been in circles; see right through my clown disguise, To the dark rings underneath my tired eyes I’m feeling empty and I’m waiting for the sun…and I’ll be holding on until my morning comes Chasing with my eyes, my heart, my snow-globe mind, my soul… …the fair-haired angel in my snow globe dream Glittering, glowing through dusty nebulae of aurora snows, in winters' eve, serene I lose you in and out of shadows Daub-sheathed moonlight falls on white willow - hanging like autumn gallows I run along the shale shore, chasing - One more glance into your crystal eyes, so pure and true, honestly amazing While the sky and lake erode the icy stars and sands that shine, I reach up for your light, all smiling, warming me so deeply still, While evening winds are waning, in all that is sublime…. Feel my new breath dreaming on your open aquamarine sea That takes me to your springtime Shangri-La shrine. Thursday Blue By Ray Scott Blue are two worried eyes, Pale as a love starved child Turned to a torpor gray, sadder than summer rain Blue are the wrinkling waves, carrying dreams away Far as these feelings go, you won’t let your hopelessness show Rough as the raging sea, Thursday Blue Blue is the sea all around Helplessness holds you down This roads’ dead end, Thursday Blue Miles from tranquility, blue in uncertainty Wells are the withheld tears, nowhere to cry you fear Dream now Thursday blue, Friday awaits you Blue are the far away eyes Oceans of tears un-cried….. Thursday blue Friday awaits you Thursday blue Friday awaits you Blue are two worried eyes Lost as a love starved child Sleep now Thursday Blue, Friday awaits you Friday awaits you Thursday blue Ahhhh. The News – I hear a blind artist screaming at the sun every time I listen to the news I hear of hurricane winds ripping through the world every time I listen to the news I see a thousand soldiers dying in the desert every time that I watch the news I see some politicians hollering for early elections every time that I watch the news I think of constant fear that’s planted in my mind every time, every which way that I read into the news And I’m told of jobs all gone in suffering economies every time that I read the news I hear a child cry while bathing in the rain every time I listen to the news And I hear the warplanes tearing up the smoggy, blood red sky….. And I hear the prophets gathering on the burning oil mines And I hear the millions fighting o’er religion till they die Tumbling towers falling to the ground, a nation cries Several more will suffer from these quakes, they’ll drown, they’ll die Every time my mind is on the news Every time I read too much into the news Each and every time my mind is pulled into the sexy, slutty, news And I think the news’ viewers are all soon road-kill, frozen in their headlines, On the street, confused and lonely, out of place and entranced at deer-crossings Every time I listen to the news It’s all about what monsters take and twist up in their minds And mulch in their machines while ripping up the countryside Every time I listen to the news The reverend says respect your leaders every single time That I tell him what was on the news The memory stays In my sunny backyard, I reflect… Time slips away, gone so fast, the memories stay All I think of is the rain still sighing misty gray, ‘falls so softly, sad and lonely Flowing for this late summer day Waiting by the fire still glowing, embers smoldering, thinking the dream away Gold and red and rust, crumbling leaves. September breeze blows me rose dust The sighing fall wind kisses me while her spirit fades I look into her welling eyes for the final time She fades within the smoldering night The memory stays Her spirit seems to sing and cry in passing days and gentle times In quiet fields of fireweed and fading light I wish to hold her closely now. I don’t know how. So far away, the memory stays The sighing fall wind chills me while she sings goodbye I look on West Lake, somberly, with tears in my eyes. I now feel so alone. I return home Her memory (the memory) They memory stays In my sunny backyard The Medicine - The Medicine you’re taking? I don’t want the medicine you’re takin’ I’ve grown swollen, shaky and lethargic while The watch dog’s salivatin’ I can’t escape their institution but my soul is cryin, I don’t want the medicine you’re takin’ Are we all dependent on the treatment? Chemicals ingested Are we force fed? Infection Have we all been lulled In sullen sarcastical slumber Dream-dulled, Naked like a pop star; Manufacturized and kept pacified? I don’t want the medicine they’re makin’ (I don’t know who I am but) I don’t want the medicine you’ve taken Feed me Feed me The naked news Diseasing Diseasing All our youth Feed me I don’t want the medicine The Lady White Willow: There is a tree on the ledge of shadow and moonlight, on the horizon of a haunting midnight in late January and she is called The Weeping White Willow and she is covered snow white and she is chiming with flakes of frost-ice. There is still warmth that stays, within her smile as she calls for me, every time I feel alone, with my roots anchored, kilometers deep in the dark, suffocating winter coffin of cold clay. I'm outside, a hundred below; I can feel her face, a warmer place when I'm walking with nowhere to go. And she cries out, a ghostly shrill that whistles through my unsealed window While her branches sway, brushing off the snowdrift on my soul and the collected conscious troubles of the repressed day. And she’ll melt all away On the snowed in ledge of languor where I lay For when she takes my hand and holds me, where I finally face her And when I see her waning eyes, like the moon; still gently shimmering from the sunrays With my gentle heart, once frozen ‘Neath a glacier My troubles drift away Like the river rolling down a hill meanders I rest assured that I am not alone This place, so safe, so warm, Lady White Willow And this moon is a looming ghost And all these stars are frozen, lost souls Of so very long ago Burnt out, fallen, flares of blind hope And the icy pond is a mirror of the giant, frozen sky craters, on life support of starlight The reflection that the past is still alive And of dreams represented In the sky, by what we aim for, and we still have yet to find Though when I touch her face While the branches sway Within warm, safe peace; a cradling embrace Oh, for Lady, White Willow I can, still feel her smile Every time I’m there, I never am alone For when I feel her sway And whir the snow-dust slumber from my eyes My soul can see tomorrow lights Her softly weeping branches sway and sigh While dawns’ new breaking light shines like the heavens, Bright and warm upon my reawakened face The Harlotten from Charlott’on Well she's the Harlotten from Charlott’on' out on Prince Edwards’ Isl... She's missing 7 teeth but she'll sure hook ya’ with a that sexy deep-sea pearly girly smile! It's quite the awkward tale of how she hitch hiked from Turran’a, while a passenger on Trans-Can High, she'd reel n' jig and ride the rigs n rusty rods like taquilla temptresses in steamy tiajuana She kneels, she bends, she’ll twirl and take, her meter's always runnin.' She's laid in every tater field and windstar, she's so stunnin! Now if she'd only change her raunchy, lacey jelly fishy knickers, the lads would stand to hold her close but she reeks of smelts and kippers. She's the Harlot ten from Charlott’on; she's done the maratime well! She’s so sexy as far as I tell if I weren’t blinded from her rotten smell Well I'ze been to Marie's All Can Eat, n’ thrown up from the seafood but this wee lass, like large mouth bass, has the trough me taste sinks into! ... Harlot ten from Charlott’on; she's travelled many miles from clam diggers and camel toes, she’s calloused yet they’re my a' kinda' style! And soon to be sweet mammy, I impreg’nated her, As far as I remember, coulda’ been Captain Highliner. (Cuz she’s my cod fish cuddly sweets and I shall take her as my wife ‘Though woe is me, when we’re wed at sea, to dodge the Green Peace protest ships I'll soon be divin’ overboard n’ swimmin’ with the fishes for my life! She is the Harlot ten in Charlott’on and she surely is no fable. We fell in love deep in the treelined trails of Anne's Green Gables.) She’s broke a’ thousand hearts n’ box springs form the Sioux to Nova Scotia N’ stolen all my cards n’ cash from Admiral Inn of Hamilton to the ferry ride of Victoria But I still loves me sweetie Harley Charley Cod fish cuddle-kins I’ll vow to always care for her no matter where ‘a she’s bin’ For she’s the only Harlotte I can say I’ze bin ta’ bed wit’ That cost a hundred, fitty’ bucks but cured up me’ tourette’ twitch! *From Honey lovey dovey Harbour, to EastCoast Horsey Stable, Surely, she’s no fable. She’s me' cutesie juicy jellykneed, calamity-Queen, Sweet Annie o’ Green Gables! The Gypsy Seductress There is an ashy, soft glow, sighing within her dazzling eyes Behind her stone-gray wall, her gates and bridges; mystery’s’ princess cries She’s a Gypsy Seductress, with Egyptian eyes She is a sorceress and a firefly that mesmerizes, captivates, then hides Just when you think you’ve finally found her book of spells She whirls around you, holds you hypnotized Gypsy Seductress a thief in the night She’s an easy believer / deceive’ her, if you can never do her wrong To be with her’s an effort, but don’t try to hard to love her, she’ll be moving on Gypsy Seductress, strings you along She wears a fools’ gold gown and silver; sparkling neath a crescent desert moon If you stare too long, the violet sea will take her and you into its tomb Around her neck, she wears ten thousand dried and emptied shattered shells Her long, silk hair’s the colour of Egyptian sands; an alluring vale, she stares you in But can you tell, to heaven or to hell? Gypsy Seductress, she’s knows you all too well If you stay too long inside her room of mirrors, the reflections will have won Gypsy Seductress, She’ll eclipse you like the sun Gypsy Seductress, wherever she came from The Electric Ghost of Lady Violet In the middle of the night, (middle of the night) where it’s so cold outside The moon glow wanes but in flickering resurrection, like flashing candle light projection, She’s a beacon through the smoke clouds of my minds’ corrupted eyesight Through weeping stardust, whispering (whispering wind) Brume-spray, drone of goodnight to drown out the shivering wick The misty wind so mellow (mellow) The willow trees sway; sighing branches scratch the wires like the bow across the cellos The waves of Lady Violet The Power of Lady Violet It’s all that I must know Where is Lady Violet? Where has she gone? She calls for me when I fall deep into an autumn full moon sleep I feel her spirit come to me. Her presence, blinding, prevents any visions of the angels I must see I feel the touch of Lady Violet burning right through me The hand of Lady Violet Deeply, Lady Violet Oh., (repeat chorus) Steel-snake Blues Train – train - train of trouble we all ride prisoners on railcars of the state of mistakes Blame - blame - blame no one will ever take Train, train take me home tonight Railway rage, mechanical earthquake Tracks of fire, ten thousand tone steel snake Thunderous speed that rips through rough terrain We're all tortured on that train The black skies flashing like a million funhouse mirrors White lightning cracking while tsunamis crash and roar Ripping wind. Screaming steam All aboard, it won't discriminate One way ride, the train collects its' freight Gang lords, pimps and politicians too Train is taking all of you The heavens lash back like a whip, so deafening The stars are smashed and burn in angry acid seas Diamond dust, drowning dreams Rattling the church walls far and wide Roaring beast, splitting the countryside Judgment day is finally arrived Train, train I don't wanna’ die Woo, Woo.... …Homeless child, forgotten tonight Blind and frozen in the engine's light bleeding from the ol' wounds on the track Train roars right across his back Train - train - train of sins we all deny Rides to Rome to relive mans' demise Snake of steel with tearing metal teeth eating way, the toll bridge of eternity-- Train - train train, I don't wanna die! Train – train, take me home tonight Train, train take me home tonight Standoff at Argyle St. There's a development halt up on Argyle St. Bridges burned, Police retreat Demonstrators, angry masses Pushing vans off the overpasses Government is not resolving Land claims, how their word means nothing! Officers with injuries Can no longer keep the peace It's a standoff at Argyle St. Over land at Douglass creek Children waving metal pipes It's their land cuz’ it's their right Every Acre Big blockades and schools are closing Everybody stands there watching, all are posing Band leaders with crowbars waving Tire fire towers blazing It's a standoff at Argyle St. Over land at Douglass Creek Children Waving metal pipes It's their land or it's their lives They had it stolen ahhhh aye aye yee-aye Who's business is it. Do we know? The doors to every office closed Protestors take back control Greed, hate and rage explode! Chorus It's their land or it's their life! Sierras’ Sorrow / It’s A Living Tonight a young woman cries But it's a living It's Sierras' sorrow. The tears she can't hide She is deeper in debt with each hand on her thigh Temptress in turmoil, seductress in shames' chains, enslaved Enslaved She feeds on his company, of limited value but she'll feed his sick need She is barely alive; sustained by addiction The bitter stench of sloth fills the room But she somehow survives; undressing on stage She crawls naked and so objectified But she is proud in her show glitter She wears Apathy in her eyes, glazed Her lost youth turns to ash in the tray At the edge of the stage Where she crawls, gathering change Sierras’ life scattered on the floor; A few loose lacy things and a couple of fancy high-heeled shoes She counts all her money and leaves Sucking on her pacifier In a haze of body spray, beer, mist and smoking cigarettes But she turns at the end of her set and whispers in his ear Are you ready for your private dance yet Daddy? Sugar Daddy Self medicating Daddy. Oh it’s a living For the Devils’ gotta’ holda’ me, tearin’ a Hamilton Strip outta’ Barton Street The Devil’s gotta’ hold on me, Private eyes, cross the Canal on me The monsters can’t wait to maul me Take their money, so seductively Devils’ got his dick in me Why won’t my daddy rescue me! From Barbie dolls to Music-Vids From playhouse to inner-city skids A ballerina pole-dance princess slowly, deeply, sadly dies Such sorrow in Sierras’ eyes Such sorrow in Sierras’ eyes Oh… such sorrow but it’s a living Tonight Sierra’s so high Wasting away It is her compromise She wanted so much She needed the chance Now it’s her circumstance, in the change room mirror, behind the D.J. booth, bare naked, alone without a home, she cries, Survive! Survive! Survive! But it’s a living, Sierra cries Factory We’re all living in a factory; we’re all living in a factory Homeless Hans he’s a site to see He’s a lotto ticket addict Shopping for used groceries He mumbles and stares at his muddy shoes While the empty bottles in his plastic bag knock together Like the cahiers’ knees while she asks him to leave Wondering will he refuse He’s of no fixed address N’ he’s the number one suspect Of arson at the Preece Family Refuge On Barton Street We’re all living in a factory We’re all living in a factory And I can taste it on my tongue I can smell it in the Janu-air As I run along the waterfront and chase the pyres and vapor trails We’re all living in a factory A long way from home A long, long way from home Motherless Children; You and me A long, long way from home Sens-icle Sometimes, the more I try and make sense out of something, the further from sense and some thing, I drift with the more effort I write into it. Like rowing against a strengthening current. I am a bruised and battered Shuswap salmon; running the rocky stream to create eventual smoked, canned and grilled cognitions. But I've already lost my up-stream of thought. Roamin’ Lonely Roads – Century’s’ silver maple tree, aging at my window Contemplating fallen leaves, flipside never seems to glow I’m going it alone this time. Please don’t try to know my mind (just don’t say anything) Never could make wrong from right. Leaving my whole world tonight N’ I know the sun is shining N’ I’ve seen the darkest skies – Lord knows Names to placeless, blinded full moon eyes Roamin’ lonely roads I tried so hard or not at all Now, I’m dyin’ stand or fall In thee empty night, alone Tramps, a million miles from home Don’t turn around, please dry your tears I need the guilt to disappear N’ I know, the sun is shining Now, I’ve seen the darkest skies, Lord knows, All the pain I feel has left me lost n’ roamin’ lonely roads All the pain I feel has left me lost a’ roamin’ lonely roads November Sun November sun, smoldering in twilight glow and burnt up dusk Echoing cry, an icy banshee wind, blowing frost-dust The moon’s a ghost, looming all day Into the night, I’m haunted through each phase Diminished sun, beyond the mountain’s peek The winter’s come Standing alone, here I am lost for who’s to guide me home? Caught in the past, lost in today The future’s clouded, I don’t wanna’ fade away November sun, beyond the evergreens, the winter’s come Forgotten sun, (forsaken son) la la dee la di laye …. Oohhh oh October Eyes The glittering dust storm squalls Evening requiem's banshee calls Her waning wind is whirling round Fallen russet leaves lay withering on the ground Where I am lost inside The smoky serenade of autumn cries I watch through burnt out eyes As she sails away while summer dies And what else can I do To find out what is true And all the love I knew I gave it all to you I mourn her all the time Following endlessly - her ashy shoreline The crystal casket of September sways Waves of sorrow wash her away solo Forsaken neath the willow tree the twilight spirit sings through me I cry to this mystic moon I dream that I'm renewed Chorus October Eyes October Eyes I gave it all to youMutaz Abu-Ramadam Mutaz Abu-Ramadam Mutaz Abu-Ramadam You thought I was your only friend But I never helped you in the end They made you fear the high school hall He kicked your chair, "Go back!" He'd call I stood with them while they stole your boots Those ignorant attacks on you Mutaz Abu-Ramadam Mutaz Abu-Rama..DAMN! You thought I was a friend... Man! I should've been a friend! Your family held out their hand But now I am a lonely man You're still my favourite refugee I never helped to set you free ABU! Abu! They ridiculed your Palestine That coward wolf packs' hating kind They all thought with insecure minds As one! So fearful, frozen there was I Your Bully, Boroff’s now a U.S Cop 'Been told his hating hasn't stopped Abu! I should've stood and fought with you Oh. Abu! 'Never really was a friend to you Mutaz Abu-Ramadam.... Mutaz Abu-Rama---DAMN... I sat right next to him Should have put a stop to him You were my favourite refugee You thought you had a friend in me But I did nothing to help set you free I was the first one to be kind to you But I never was a friend to you Confidant Allies? Brotherhood of men? Your family offered friendship first Crab Apples fell next to the Tree Where I stood I could've, would've should've helped you then But Walt Whitmans' road it just ain't really open Abu! Mutaz Abu-Ramadam.... Love Went Away It’s hard to think about it now; I gave so much just to furl in sorrows’ shroud And now I stand, so far behind, asking myself, “How could I have been so blind?” I gave my soul and so much more but I lost the games Too much trust and self doubt were to blame I tried so hard to make things right Over and over, every day I had to fight I close my eyes as I try to disappear All the while I have been so damned sincere I turned around and love went away To be alone, stranded outside of the room we once waltzed into In some other frame of mind I’d rush right home, only for her But is that true, or did it just make me lonelier? Chorus / stop the tears… And as I fell into lost hope, within cold streets, shattered dreams knocked me down Addressed myself in disarray. I now know that I was not sane. I was not sane! Jacqueline I’d tell her how I feel right now, if I knew exactly how, without sounding this confused I’d tell her what she needs to know, if I could let my feelings show It’s her that I’m afraid to lose Jacqueline For now I’ll hesitate to write, letters to her every night, fearing that I’ll complicate things I’ll call her name out everywhere, accept that she can’t hear me there Believing that she’ll reappear Jacqueline – I need her here with me Someday when it’s all made right, I’ll begin to hold her tight And ask her if she will forgive me Need to have her by my side, need to hear her happy voice, Need to be the one she marries Jacqueline - repeat Illusions Am I projecting your illusion as you smile and saunter by? Am I self-subjecting to a second-hand smoke, clouding up my eyes? I am nervous. I’m delighted and surprised when you appear I’m tied in knots and clumsy, then, caught fumbling in fear For when you look in my direction I feel butterflies Fooling, for a moments’ millionth, as you smile, my own vacillating mind I simply can’t remember when I’ve felt this way before Even if this image is just only what I burn for When all the while, all those looks, were looks and nothing more And for the past few tears, I’ve sighed, from time to time to time This reoccurring dream of you, have I merely dreamt it For to cherish and adore? I’m Still Holding this Rose I’m holding this Rose, when everything is silent The entire garden is withered And outside is a blizzard Standin’ outside, forgetting where the time went And the flowers that they all sent In my dreams, I kiss her, Thought of lost memories, terrifying As I roam off into the sunset Pray; whenever I rise, to meet again I’m still holding my Rose I’m holding my Rose out on your veranda The Garden is empty Dead leaves all around me The curtain’s still slightly open Close my eyes and hear her sing accapella My heart melts while I’m frozen Suspended in a moment I dance with her spirit While I’m holding this Rose I’m holding my Rose I’m holding my Rose I’m holding my Rose as I’m sinking down in wet sands I’m reaching up with both hands Crying out across Lake Ontario Empty echoes of the moon glow The waves rush, my tears flow When I close my eyes, I’m holding my Rose Climb mountains to reach her Burn bridges to see her Cross oceans to find her Fly to the Heavens to hold her When I stop falling, I’ll be holding my Rose Whenever I rise, I’ll be holding my Rose Rose I will catch you when you fall Oh Princess, Taylor-Rae Your daddy loves you more each day And I know, it won’t be long before I hold you in my arms As you breathe each breath of life, I will hold you to my heart And when you cry, I’ll sing this song, to softly soothe you till your tears are gone When you dream, just dream away Don’t let life stop you any day And if you walk before you crawl, I will catch you when you fall. I will catch you when you fall Oh when you open up those eyes, you will see me start to cry The tears that fall, they’re pure and true, because forever I will love you I’ll keep you warm when you get cold I’m your daddy, heart and soul And when you’re frightened late at night, I’ll be right there, I am your nightlight And when you dream, just dream away Don’t let life stop you any day And if you walk before you crawl, I will catch you when you fall I will catch you when you fall I will catch you when you fall Horizon Within this shivering shrill, forsaken, in this twilight where I am taken Aging in the after glow. Far beyond the dusk I go Rowing out against the moon. Heavy cloud of conscience looms Where I’m anchored by the past, falling is the mast Horizon – Rise again for me Horizon – Spirit set me free Buried by the circumstance, million miles away from land I am capsized out at sea. Sunlight set me free Horizon – Rise again for me Horizon – Spirit set me free Falling deep in layers of blue. Taken to the end Hanging on the planets’ edge; Falling Falling again…Over and over… Graybeard the Trench coat Prophet He carelessly strays through the dangerous lane I hear nothing but the static fuzz of his chalk white eyes wane He meanders, unfazed, like oblivion but sane Waxing a sermon to the hunting shift-working game Along Queen st. Between York and Main He staggers and mumbles, then swaggers and stumbles He pouts, then stares, fixes glares through me then he shouts He's a broken down rolls Royce Through a buzz of swarming vehicles, echoes his voice Like empty lost sea shells He writhes like a worm on a sewer well He's graybeard the trench coat prophet He's the foreshadowing fool of ol' Hammer town He's graybeard the trench coat prophet He never can be run down Nobody will knock him down He's hollering out like some poor ol’ sick fool In the traffic at rush hour the message is tragic Like wizardry, witchcraft, dark pantomime magic, It's a dagger of the mind, To be or not to be We all drone on and pass it He must've escaped from the mountain nut house We say to our doubting, fearful, blanched, blank selves While we anxiously spy through our rearview and steer Toward each and every separately crammed wartime shithouse While he disappears He's graybeard the trench coat prophet He's the fool who knows all in Hammer town He's graybeard, the trench coat prophet Nobody can knock him down He never will be knocked down Nobody will ever run him down! Graybeard cries in the night Graybeard roams in and then out of our lives I Bow Down To Her Forever – By Ray Scott She never will forget the days and nights I loved her and I never lied But she never will remember all the times she hollered that she hoped I died. I’d slam the door and turn the key Then drive alone all day until I cried I’d turn around, I’d play the clown Out in her hallway, I apologized, on which she thrived Every time I see her, I try so hard to stand up but I fall Hear my plea I fight so hard for peace but all this fighting’s knocked me down onto my knees Ironically I keep falling – to my knees Bowing down to – her forever I bow down to – her forever I’m anxious as a suicide. I’m gridlocked in a guillotine of pride But I can’t hide, how hard I’ve tried Bowing down before her as I kiss her hand, I’m sinking deep inside Performing like a circus freak; a hundred-thousand hectic high-wire feats Balancing and juggling my emotions while the world beneath me spins – rapidly Every time I see her, I try so hard to stand but I keep falling – miserably I fight so hard to be at peace but all this war has thrashed me to my knees – Reality I keep falling – to my knees Bowing down to – her forever I bow down – to – her forever To her forever Golden Woman for the golden lady in a moonlit beam floating high throughout my dreams I roam, I run to higher hills to watch her starry eyes fulfill the midnight with a million stars that gleam and dance so close, yet far my will is weakening in this dawn that breaks and burns her image, gone! my eyes wide open, mind remembering heart lamenting, soul still trembling she was golden, in the moon floating high above me in this frozen tomb dream, dream, I dream away my empty days till, till her vision stays scream, scream into the sun I blind my eyes till just midnight comes to hear her spirit dance and sing and golden hair whir cosmic rings round my soul that comfortably lays in hills of daisies so close but still so far, so far away, from her, my golden dream, I stay Dreams? I want to travel the world and find out what all the different people, in different cultures yearn for, long to be and dream of. Are we really, truly, in essence dreaming or aspiring if it is merely a condition to which we are exposed and groomed? Have we dreams of our own or just of a gigantic super wheel that collects our brains in revolution and rolls on, with manipulated magnetic force; opposing gravity and all that is cosmic, collective and realistically attainable, in orbit? Factory - edit II: We’re all living in a factory; we’re all living in a factory Homeless Hungry Hobo, he’s a site to see He’s a lotto ticket addict A Rolly Rocket fanatic Shopping for used groceries He mumbles and stares at his muddy shoes While the empty bottles in his plastic bag knock together Like the cahiers’ knees while she asks him to leave Wondering will he refuse/ He’s of no fixed address N’he’s the number one suspect Of arson at the Preece Family Refuge On Barton Street We’re all living in a factory We’re all living in a factory And I can taste it on my tongue I can smell it in the Janu-air As I run along the waterfront and chase the pyres and vapor trails We’re all living in a factory A long way from home A long way from home Motherless Children; You and me A long way from home ‘Go into the mass’ve machine like unique scruffy tramps ‘Come out; carrying the brief case, dressed in fancy shirts, Wearing universal bar code stamps Empty Alley Ran away at age 15. Could not live in a violent scene Only seven months ago, grown so fast, fixing in the freezing snow Raking dry veins all the time. Empty alleys, shards of shattered minds, and dreams??? Sleeps in shelters between each crime, only just sustains the obsessions while she’s clean She’s naked and alone with the triggers in her arm Shooting numbness in her blood, through her bones Rapid aging in her eyes, as they close, her body falls The child within her cries, the girl within her dies She ran away from everything. That was when she was fifteen Runs in circles still, today, takes to numb the pain away She’s naked and alone, with the triggers in her arm Shooting numbness in her blood through her bones Rapid aging in her eyes. As they close, her body falls The child within her cries, the girl within her writhes Stares forever in the glass. Shakes her head then breaks the flask So cold, so God damn cold, empty alley gale wind blows She’s naked and alone with the triggers in her mind Shooting numbness in her veins in her life Rapid aging in her soul, looks a hundred more years old The child within her cries The girl within her dies Bye bye Dr. Irving? Ah, well – I’ve been a liar, I’ve been a leaver, I’ve been a fool I’ve smoked in alleys, seen hookers jones in hotel rooms And all along this course of self destruction, it’s been clear In disarray, I’m driving in and out of consciousness, along Barton Street While this ego voice speaks hauntingly sincere I can hear Dr. Irving say; “Take good care of yourself, Ray.” Please take good care of yourself Ray Take good care of yourself Ray I’ve kept distracted by deceivers young and old All drunk, corrupted, cried to hookers while they stole I’ve never thrown away so much of my sweet precious life Can’t even think straight in this raging sea of strife Wrong from right’s all outta’ sight The Devil’s got his hold on me And I can’t let him win Will he ever set me free! I rarely now hear Dr. Irving say, Just take good care of yourself Ray, Just do what she says and park the car, while she steals from you and runs away! Just go home, right now and don’t go back Please, take good care of yourself, Ray! Deep into that alleyway I roam, so far away…I fade into that white smoke, only them and I can see or smell and it is Hell, right in the street, right at my door, so far away??? Can barely hear Dr. Irving say; “Take good care of yourself, Ray.” Please take good care of yourself, Ray Take good care of yourself, “Ray!” Donavins’ Invitation Link by link and chain by chain in every situation, I have been enslaved Walk away then turn around in circles, juggling nerve ends While I break away Taken by the ice, in the windy night but I'll return by day On my knees and pray, Someone rescue me Make my mind for me I can't even see the rain But it keeps falling down Sinking in the ground in the heavy clay Once again, I’ll stay Some fun holiday Close my eyes and think away the circumstances, crazier, each then before Sleep awake and shuffle on through snowy alleys, winding up at her back door She'll make me crawl in then, I'll make love to her Take all blame for her And be a fool again and love myself much less It's what I do best Ohhhhh - Ohhhh....... I can't even see the rain but it keeps falling down in the heavy ground Sinking in the clay once again I'll stay Misery pulls me in her wave scratched up in the sand twisting up my thoughts wearing me away I may drown but I'll stay I escape through fantasy that someday may be my perfect reality If I wake from this dream, will my perfect princess gently kiss and cradle me….. Dancin' Mike - In steppin time, light hearted How he taps to the songs of the open road A smiler and a poet Who the Drop-In Center's come to know Dancin' Mike Dancin' Mike James North Art Crawl...There he goes Left foot - Right foot - No headphones Fracas free in fancy shoes Kickin' stones to his own grooves What else has he got to lose? Dancin' Mike Dancin' Mike Loads o' charm He means no harm It's how he roams Leave him alone East side - West side Steppin' Time Turns left - Slides right - Fall in line Tappin' downtown Hamilton Dance with Mike in Unison Dancin' Mike Dancin' Mike Come rescue me Louise Look gently on me Louise, curiously, but do not speak Come softly and just listen. Hold me while I weep Well I’m worried and I’m wounded and my world’s forsaken me Lost at sea, I’m sadly stranded. Swim to me Louise And I truly cannot rest there, where the waves crash down on me And my life’s caught in a mind snare; holding onto memories, wounding me Louise Help me paddle back my canoe, ‘gainst the raging waves of blue While I’m struggling to keep pace with you through this endless whirling sea But there’s a meadowlark a’singin’, where the winds sigh through a wheat field And the horizon’s light it golden, where all my dreams are real It’s where I feel, it’s where I hold Louise Buck Rogers of the 11 dimensions Am I just frozen here in suspended animation? Am I just a series of strings in all directions? Vibrating sounds Gravitations endless distance unwound Human race Just floating bubbles In this spontaneous vast space More and more dimensions Without me Will we go on forever and never? Without beginning without end Floating beyond the black holes Questioning, questioning Over and over again Are we just specks of dust? Bang - Bang A big… Big-Bang! Coaster Ride I feel the wind die As your roller coaster climbs / my soul is caught inside Slowly dragged up to the peak Every inch, the more I'm weak And I can't even speak Overhanging Hells' high edge Lookin' down a million miles Future-down a deep death dive through a thousand high-speed loops And my mind is strapped inside And the harness has my life Coaster ride - Caught up in your roller coaster ride Though I can't afford to loose I'll never win inside your loops So much at stake, yet so much more Then what the hell did i climb in for! Coaster Ride - Caught up in your roller coaster ride Will I ever make it out alive? Maybe all is just a dream Maybe I'll wake from this dream... B.C. Hills Every time I dream of you, I think what could’ve been Together in our cabin in that north Ontario scene I flew on the plane of loneliness across the western line As the tears fell for the first love left behind From the landing strip in Kelowna to the Kamloops winding drive I saw you in the sunset, couldn’t get you off my mind I look upon the evergreens while sitting by the fire Ol’ Feelings swell then turn to twilight pyres I’m up and down the B.C hills from peeks to valleys all the time Rippling Clear Lake memories in my North Ontario mind B.C. hills can’t hide Autumn leaves have fallen and the winter winds whirl in Colorful realities, I won’t see you again We held hands for a short while, it seemed a million years I always will remember through the years Well I’m all alone and wondering what my future’s all about As I gaze into the embers burning out Rippling reminders in the Shuswap, in Eagle Bay Shuttering hawk cry chills me in my north Ontario mind Up and down the B.C hills from peeks to valleys all the time Rippling Clear Lake memories in my north Ontario mind That B.C. hills won’t hide Ashes to Ashes – I'm just trying to help you see things right. Give me a break Please try to understand all that I've given you and how much more that I can't take Oh, what else can I do! I feel so awfully all alone and I'm used up, burnt out, all worn out to my every aching bone And wound, so tightly, to my spine, hell, all the screws; You've twist into my overloaded, troubled, nervous mind. Ashes to ashes. Dust to dust, the bully is gonna' burn me up before I wear to rust In hurricanes of hell-wind tantrum fuss Ah, I'm just about all burnt up to my boiling point. I'll over heat and bake Battered, bashed, humiliated, harassed throughout every single day And still, I'm just disturbed and weak enough; returning to it. God! For Heavens' sake! All my hairs are goin' gray With everything there is at stake, I'm thinking in paralysis and tortured in a vortex state Punched out by the shadow puppets Hanging limp and listless in the gallows' noose with head in sac and eyes a' poppin' out And legs already dead and anchored to Hells' opening gates Ashes to ashes Dust to dust The final board beneath me busts And down into your underworld I go Ashes to ashes Dust to dust Excuses to not set myself free, all thrown out in tantrum fuss No longer own the will, or can or must Only ashes to ashes, dust to dust Angry house / Angry boy capo 2nd fret playing e minor Oh eight year old, in second grade with blazing eyes and fists of rage Who will teach you wrong from right and who will tuck you in at night? Are you loved, is it for sure That where you live, the home's secure? Why must you strike another child, and cause him fear and act so wild? Angry house / Angry Boy so blue Is there nothing I can do for you? Who has taught you all these "rules" That lead to violence in our schools? Is there any getting through? Is it hopeless trying to? Where oh where now will you go? Into what adult (person) will you grow? Angry house / Angry Boy so blue Is there nowhere left to turn for you? Amour fate’ The leaves on the branches are gone, all my false securities fade I swear not to dream anymore, fulfillment is so far away The dead season’s now where I’ve lain My lonely soul wears frozen ice chains The howling wind is haunting my mind And I don’t think I will ever see springtime Hey - ey – aye-eeh. I stand alone, watching and weeping The sunlight rising and setting Over and over again With each new dawn, a new day regretting Most new love redeems what was lost Naked branches are covered by frost The sunlight will melt all away Infinite amour fate’ A Right Friend - For My Daughter, Taylor-Rae It is far better to have no friends than wrong friends And I choose to make the right friends Who is a “Right friend,” you ask? A “Right Friend” is a nice friend, who is good for me And I’m good to them For I don’t hurt their feelings And they don’t hurt mine “Right Friends” will last For a long, long time. Old or new, they’re someone true Always and presently, Or all that I have, a good friend, a “Right Friend” Is someone much like and most certainly You Broken Antiques Morning smoke from smoldering streets A burnt out night, horizon steeps Sunrays flash the lifeline pulse through clustering clouds Shadow tramps crawl back in alley shrouds Kicking pennies; shuffling Warn now, from the suffering Window shopping for my lost self Endless antiques bending bookshelves I have taken a long look way down Locke St. while she steeps One man's junk. One man's story One man's pain. One man's glory All these broken antiques Transient Shoppes and cafe' stops Where strangers type on their lap tops Coming, going, all along, the West Town keeps the money flowing I have taken a sip from their fortunes, recently. I have thrown away treasures Now ol' faded antiques (old and new; they all made me the one I once knew) I have taken a long look Way down Locke St. while she seeps One man's junk, One man's story One man laughs, One man weeps So much pain. The Taverns’ glory All these broken antiques Singin’ for Change / The Other Side of the Coin Well I’m a’ singin’ for change But I don’t know who I’m singin’ to When I can’t make change for a strugglin’ man With empty Starbucks cup in hand We’re all a’ hollerin’ out for change Wherever we live and whatever, whoever it’s for While a’ chasin’ our G.Ps ‘cross Locke St. For free advice to help us sleep Into Madison Ave. from Goodness Me Oh… Good Shepherds… We’re all focused for change While everything is so the same While the guy with the cup roams through four lanes With the Silver Chalice, on Queen n’ Main He’s the guy with the cup He’s beggin’ for change Property manager’s across the lane Oh Shepherd… He’s the guy with the cup He is singin’ for change We’ve already drank from It’s already stained The guy with the cup on Queen n’ Main We have already drank from, it’s already drained Feed the hungry House the homeless Clothe the naked Love the unloved Feed the hungry House the homeless Clothe the naked Love the loveless He’s singin’ for Change. The Property Manager is across the lane. Stronghold Within this gentle spirits' bodys' beaten mind Strongholds of evil reoccur for every beat of my anxious heart through day and night and thunderous flash flood it endures, The cycle dies and seasons fade All is reborn but not anew Marionette strings tighten on another catastrophic conscience abduction another cycle swings, twists and turns then loops through every harnessed, strapped-in nightmare dive and torturous corkscrew whiplash swirl I'm ripped and rammed then hurled through fiberglass and pounding pipes and ferocious phantom flames I'm captured by barbaric stronghold games Let still redeem my love for what or where or better yet, for... who? after all that pain and still, this HELL that all this stronghold has put me through Duped by day, Deceived by night Naked Wasted Taken Again Instrument of your deception Castrated, manipulated, emasculated in front of the kids and then I'm dragged in once again I cannot ever win My world is caving in I'm losing everything Your metaphoric drug addiction is my suffering Naked Wasted Taken Again Alienated humiliated devastated Again and Again \ Twisted Listless Stop signs Going by Tearful Pent up Shaking Can't cry Perhaps my biggest question - Is resiliency something that I can still be taught Or is defeat something that I have already learned? Ray Scott’s Daily Affirmation: If I can't laugh at myself... everyone else won't have company. Scene – …turned down again from the scene, from which i was "removed from for too long." Why did I ever leave? What about my mental and emotional trials, victories? What about the fact that I stayed home to take care of what's most precious to me! How can I still be seen??? Have I left the scene or has the scene abandoned me? …don't quite fit the other scenes and the familiar ones aren't quite that familiar anymore, after all. From bottling lines, to youth work too, I’ve been down every avenue. …a slow, long and painful fall To answer your question, The Sky in my world – The sky in my world is a powerful magnetic electrical storm tearing me off the ground with it's frantic vain of cracking lightning! Trees explode around me while my hairs stand up just before the wind dies down and I’m sucked into a swirling, heavy, galactic black gravity ball of ambivalence, that clouds in and contracts around me in a cement world that will be flooded soon enough, again and blown away by furious gales of bursting, banging thundering force a funhouse mirror flashing nightmare, tremors through my mind, the fear that null and voids me where I stand in deep, dark inches of histrionic tsunami water waves and heavy rain of maple keys from my yards' tree that are shaken by the omnipotent ancient choking hand of God fear. Pleistocene Parade – These words are no longer for you I’ve given up on them not getting through If I am looking for justice or fairness, I am not ever going to get it That much is forever going to remain true If I am in search of my kingdom of riches, There will never be another soul to share with, If I am looking for my princess or queen Guinevere, I am hoping to live in nothing more than an ancient illusion or dream In some empty, dark and absurd theatre, An abused and abandoned tragedy An Inner- city ghetto scene; Morgana's Camelot If I’m wanting to change things, I’ll need to change me If it’s possible, I don’t know If at all attainable, is she or am I, Again, I just don’t know Are the means to an end or are ends to a mean? Does anyone out here, there what I mean? I am such a clown; in the plasticene parade Farcical portrayal; playing sarcastical charades Should I set out in my canoe? Shall I follow the birds astray? Will I leave all; to float in the middle of my thoughts While the ripples wash me away? Juggling on stilts, stumbling over the muted tramps (Carnival crowd laughs away) Tears on my painted face; burning a lifeline tear (In the absurd circus, I fade) Can so many colours disappear? Can so many years wash away? Singin’ for Change – Well I’m a singin’ for change but I don’t know who I’m singin’ to When I can’t make change for a dollar anymore now how bout you? I can’t throw change at a desolate juggler at the street festival of fools We’re all focused on change when our fear is used to subdue and sedate Us; all kept, carefully, hiding in our helpless alleys; wringing out distain We’re all a’ hollering’ out for change but where do we live and who or what is it for When Kenyan kids are dying from counterfeit pushers’ profits, 40 billion or more Here we are a’ fallin’ through the cracks in another world, where we cannot compare How evil will lurk everywhere, it’s in fancy politics and fancy suits It’s all dressed the same way here or there The underdog alone cannot survive where evil thrives Infecting mosquito flies in swarms and swarms of tricks and lies All ye greedy cowards crawl from neath the rocks where you all hide Come out from neath your desk, hear the underdog protest! (Your serum spreads the resistant strains while nations choke and cry in vain) (In confusions’ clouds of chalk dust; psychologically slain) So how then does one now make change, Young Cancer Scientist in the research school? N’ you: singin’ scrutinist village fool who shares the message on the podium bar stool Be careful, don’t prescribe, n’ swallow up your pills, no North American’s ill There’s no apparent resistant strain from our side. We’ll just wait until a business traveler dies. Oh oh oh… I’m afraid of changin’ cuz I don’t know how to! They give me more of what they say they will cure! How bout you? Ohh. Oh oh… Shepherds: Feeding the hungry, housing the homeless Clothing the naked loving the unloved. (Repeat) Globes of Glass There's a world in a globe made of glass That I cling to as long as the glitter-snows last In a flurry of forgetting I will shake up some memories Till the magic falls slowly while I stand, stranded in the past There is a dream I keep cradled in my hands While I fall through the hourglass sands As long as I'm moving, regardless of choosing My soul shines in the glittering globe made of glass Memories of music and metaphor rhyming oceans ubiquitous, open mind, gliding always a new dream to live in unbending following helplessly, hopeful, not ending Memory shrine of glass If I stop, if I give in I will fade Falling through cracks in charms' masquerade As the old man with young dreams, some lost, some last With my grip on my smoldering memory shrine, my globe made of glass Glittering snow-globe of glass Pardon the Interruption, Have you ever heard the echoing cry off the rolling full-moon midnight ocean tide? Or listened to auroras waning ‘cross the flashing frost-wind northern sky? As the oxygen in the halted waters runs out off the Gulf of Mexico’s’ shores On a brighter note, Alberta tar sands are not lookin’ all that dirty anymore Have you struggled to remain afloat in sulfurous Sea where all you need’s to breathe? While multibillion industries are counterfeiting chalk pills n’ spreading disease For when these ships come in, they’ll be fighting roaring fires on the water While dolphins wash to shore and choke in black quicksand In a trail of smog n’ smoky carbon vapor As Green Peace once again attempts to rescue Sea-Womans’ vulnerable offspring A Nigerian pays the pharmacy for medicine, corrupted fools are making Sea Womans’ waters thicken with a human sickness greed, millions of barrels leaking Every wave she makes, disease spreads more, her creatures’ airways quickly swell But you never could tell And the Kenyan child Is he really living? And who’s bereaving? Are we believing? Billion dollar industries sail ‘cross her right to Asia To black markets through the burning oil, such turmoil Now a gridlocked black tar highway fire sale on the sea! And I hear, the snow wolf howling And islands cracking Sounds of fear And I see, abstract reflections A lightshow flashing The panic casting The fools foretelling Shrills of warning Will you listen to me! Do you hear? Sea Woman wailing Are you listening? Her creatures sinking They’re even you and me! The waters’ thickening Continents sinking An Ocean of Greed Lullaby, Rest your weary head now Close your tired eyes There’s a silver lining Shining through dark skies Sings a lullaby Whispering with the willow Stardust weeping soon Resting in a meadow, Neath the waning moon Sways the lullaby The silver stream takes you to sleep And all your worries are history Dream dream away Dream dream away Dream dream away Dream Living with Louise, Ray Scott I been up all night or has it been years Trying to get acquainted with the face in the mirror Relying on Louise to make things clearer She taught me how to share the way I feel Then she told me that my feelings aren’t for real How do I keep my hands on the wheel! Didn’t I read your one last note? Couldn’t I give you what you need? No! No! See the steam on off the road and the sun on the rise Gray clouds part when I rub my eyes But I’m driving in circles, goodbye blue skies Living with Louise while I'm running from fear! Shouldn’t I call you on the phone? Didn’t I read your one last note? Couldn’t I give you what you need? Wouldn’t you cry if you were me? I’ve been coming and going for far too long Relying on somebody else to be the strong one Didn’t I read your one last note? Shouldn’t have called you on the phone? Couldn’t I give you what you need? Wouldn’t you fly if you were me? I’ve been coming and going for way too long Relying on somebody else to be the strong one Didn’t I read your one last note? What do dreams reflect beyond that sheen? What do dreams reflect beyond that sheen within those aquamarine eyes? That swells in brilliant vastness of a babe’s wide-open trust With gleaming divine hopeful tears, to well and gush That splash and ripple in lagoons of honesty? Where seeps this shrouded spirit’s sigh? What pulls me in, with golden moonlight, graceful and absolved? Beneath depths so curious Without a body or a mind, to have laying limp and heavy, Hanging in creative malady’s constant flat indifference To be sunken, under waves of babbling, disconnected utterance From consciousness which shuffle-steps To blend within some struggle toward coherence? What is this gentle streaming lilac breeze, which swaddles me? Within her fragrance, Peaceful and soon sleeping? Solitude and stillness I am surely finally feeling Flowing with her panpipe twilight coastline melody Flowing… When she calls to me in Gaelic from her ghostly ocean shores, In empathy, bewailing Where mist sprays soft and shiny clouds from where she will await me then Oh that voice! So sweet, yet haunting, Of divinely composed whirling climbs and scaling dives, it is her waning waters Of a silent, still and wet-paint sunset saved in recollection of this heeling resurrection She holds me close in sinking sands of anxious fearful undertow To love me through my most unlivable maladies, suffering and seasons gone, for now, endured She holds me there, inside her place, so helpless yet secured What is she that I fail through cryptic telegraph to capture? In gentle cradling touch, can I unveil? Will she share with me, mere seconds in which I am reassured? Or will I miss the moment; yearning, craving, anxious, too prepared? Inside of my own needing, wanting jail Lady Languor In chamber listless, Lady Languor slides to sleep Sinking slowly, anguish in cool milk-white satin sheets She pouts and sighs a virgins' sorrow veering. The fall breeze; Rustling frills on russet sheer veils, blowing lacey leaves around her curtained cocoon-bedroom Forsaken, she cries along with distant willows weeping A whimper, then a hush, a lull. All else that is or was, that's sleeping looms Everything both oh, so gently and ever-tightly weaving Beams of glazed wax walleyed moons swell and wane A beacon blinking; slits through haunting hazy waves, of perhaps-clouded' conscience; Cycling again, to waltz, ebbing, while releasing soft tears, a rock-bottom-rush Soon breaking, trickling, leaving saltwater trails turned to dull, dry shoreline cosmic dust Desolate, droning yonder, through her rusty framed, wide window Wrapped in whirlwind; wallowing, amidst the loving and the grieving- Spirits; wandering betwixt the living and bereaving Songs in-trance, sustained eternal, through shuttering white-willow A burnt out star falls to flare and flicker ‘cross a lamenting-shrine of Clustering crystal sky ice, memories frozen Traced, and forgotten, in time, fading. It breaks in trillionths, screams like a diving eagle, smolders then dies As discarded paper love letters scattered, torn around her ashy bedside She pants and settles in despair, stroking her own nude silk flesh She wraps up tight in a satin cocoon Repressive, she dreams ‘way dreaming, in this soaking deep depression Slowly shriveling and shrinking, as she rolls inside of warm regression’s womb Through sleepwalk hollowed thickets, Like dust blown by panpipes weeping Her bewailing banshee eyes, faintly aquamarine, are seeping Reflexive in the glow of clustering crystals in the deep and dark September sky She shuffles through forsaken forest to the milk-bath lagoon of lament She settles in the thick and heavy pool of self-pity She sighs and sinks in lonely sleep She shivers, shrinks and smoothly drowns For her youth she cannot even dream to keep And all in fall that never really was, completely, when she wakes in may at least can still be found November Sun, Ray Scott November sun Smoldering in twilight glow And burnt out dusk Echoing cry, An icy banshee wind Enshrines the hills of evergreen, gold and russet maple trees in glittery dust The moon’s a ghost Looming all day Into the nights, I’m haunted through each phase Diminished sun Beyond the mountains’ peak The winter’s come Standing alone Here I am lost For who’s to guide me home? Caught in the past Lost in today The future’s clouded; I don’t want to fade away Mosaic sun Sinks through a thickening smoke The day is done Ocean of black Slowly swells beyond frozen stones They chime and crack Aquamarine Glazed eyes that dream Then dry to dust The moon’s a ghost Calling my name Echoing cry throughout crawling shadow sky Wane. Wane! Hush Hush The windy hush November sun beyond the evergreens. The winter’s come Symbiotic Springtime Souls Stepping eight-counts in slippers, ever so slightly Cross the mirror dance floor under the skylight portrait frame of dawn streaking, within the brilliant, empty Grand-Ballroom of marriage, and shimmering chandeliers We embrace in fusion with early spring flowing; downstream into spiritual rivers, joining into one, symbiotic still pond spiral dreamers, interwoven in green and yellow leaflet streamers. Dusty winds blow; whirling, Through a hollow hush in a quiet valley in a wake of the sputtering swallow Flying in an untangling turquoise of consciousness Dipping and diving together And bowing in the breeze And the field sighs dandelion seeds And the sunny Earth morning breathes serenity, Opening her eyes to a calm and beautiful oneness As I remove my moistened lips from her silky petals Covered in slippery dew Then kiss her neck And lift her And hold her tightly, pressed against, Converging; fluttering, floating In an unforgettably flirtatious dance with the wind Two elegantly delicate monarch butterflies are joined As one mosaic kite Unraveled from our weeds of worry, As we gracefully dance beneath a spring dawn’s satin sheets, so silvery Making love with our souls and turning pirouettes like brilliant ballerinas In a never ending swirl of marigolds and sunflowers Feeling feather-like, yet firmly planted Slightly dizzy, yet delighted In love Breathing as each other, And Connected Oh, Suffering Sea – Written in a Post Concussive State When I looked into the dark and dismal sea of midnight’s mirror; Falling in the hiding subconscious, in sea-lab glass, Intense beyond bewildered eyes so mirrored, I saw no ebb or flow of tranquility No transient glow, not one, just the electric shock of jelly fish And emptied shells, from scattered life, in coral, rocks n distant humpback echoes While rusting out among the ocean floor of lament, Where the Great White circled, Prey, he’s always hunting In the search lights of the moon, still flashing through The clouds of stingray n’ swordfish, swirling My lost, looted treasure of sunken hopes n’ well wishes, anchored n’ tossed off the plank by Dream Pirates, n’ Poseidons’ upper-class mermaid prostitutes on their luxurious, cruise ship of my fear and doubt n’ raped ideas Raped n’ twisted, Riding the sea, and it’s the vacation of their lifetime, to dangerous depths But there is still a chance I still can swim freely, outta’ this lifeboat, but nothing’s easy… so I force a smile as the beam breaks through Solitary and serene, Glimmer, glitter, gleam reflexive, Rippling moon-dust misty beam Shining stones in sight, Through illusive myriads of aurora mystic starfish message Or flickering flares, of Coastguard lights Suffering Sea -2- Among, Banshees bewailing, bereft in blackness of a death-mass night And swimming in these depths of misery, madness and infinity, Where they claim the somber morning shore, No clean and smoke free air to breathe But an endless shuttering cry, oh, thousands of dimensions deep Here is what my mind has kept I saw An ageing sea of sad and crippled spirits crawling Over waves in waning sorrow, screaming Oh, so haunting Wrinkling in a whirlpool, winding Shrinking in the darkness, binding So heavily weighing, sadness, teal tears, love for lent, For all; long past, for time and places not forgotten Anchored to their discontent, For now, eternal suffering is all they’ve left So many lives have gone, …Ill spent Drowning in their desperation Fulfilling their own condemnation Swimming between hell and heaven Catharsis forbidden, forever forsaken Sucked into that whimpering well of sadness Suffering sea -3- In shrieking storm-winds of phantom madness Tens of thousands, Tortured, suffering souls in torpor Long forgotten, examples, not learned from, Still, again, neither dead nor living, Mistakes of old More to join them soon must come Recurring for ever and ever, undone I shivered, shrilled, and then descended Deep into the centre of this never ending sea of suffering Sinking with my sad ancestors in the undertow, still screaming The wind got colder, quiet and heavy Entranced, empty stares from shame’s shrouded eyes, familiar Thickening in the freezing dense and droning dream in death and desolation Illusions of myself, In several million manifested forms of fear and deprivation Dying, Cycling, In relapse, Reliving Remain, Ray Scott Even though it’s late at night I still am lying by your side; Not sleeping Even though the wind has died The willow trees let out a sigh Calm breathing I want to remain Like this forever I wish you’d open up your eyes So that I’d see you’re knowing what I’m feeling The moonlight through the window pain Has cast a white glow where you lay’ Its beauty I watch you lying, so serene Floating in a somber stream, Angelic I want to remain Like this forever I want to remain Like this forever Snow Sadly Falls, Ray Scott I’m away from you Snow, so sadly, falls Wishing I’m there too Can’t see through the squall And I do Want to be with you Sadly, snow will fall Now the sun goes down Falls beyond the hills As I walk around, round, round, round Feeling winters’ chill And I do Want to be with you There’s an arctic emptiness to fill I’m frozen still My cold heart shrills Snow sadly falls Can’t see through the squall Do I still love you? Every day I do The sun will rise All transmogrifies And I do Want to live with you Oh Aurora, hear me cry! Frozen, neath the moon I will still love you Shadow Puppets, Ray Scott Well I’m out here a wondering away from my home For a while, couldn’t stand it, had to be on my own My thoughts are a million to my patience that is one For now I’m a running, while my faster thoughts come This cold, black night’s freezing my teary blue balladeer minds’ eye while alleyway emptiness echoes and cries, I’m gonna’ busk out my wounds on the corner tonight Though the wind’s ripping my skin like a sharp, cold steel knife But I’m gonna’ race against everything; staggering on worry stilts on conveyers of ice, wounded spirit takes a spill, n’ then collapsed confidence shrills And my frost bitten conscience is burning, it hears, The winter winds wailing in the alleys of fear Now I’m caught in the crosswalks; trying to turn a blind ear With the woman in rags who now always reappears I pretend to not notice her broken, out here; Making hand puppet shadows in the streetlights For a carriage that’s been empty for the last 15 years I’m stepping out on everything that is still staying Despite all my shouting, crying and craving I’ll still greet good morning, good day and good evening To all but the millions of moments I’m feeling And I’ll gather with the masses of Hamilton helpless And wait for my education to fix me a way Out of this routing of revolving each day / routine And freely feel whether I’m damned or I’m blessed But it won’t be in a waiting room for three quarters of the day Under the weather in one room I won’t stay Receiving prescriptions, for pills I can’t take, From one man who hasn’t time to even hear what I say And I’ll storm to the streets, to the angry and hopeless Who crawl confused through refuse and I’ll know, what, They’re real And I’ll holler on the phone and they’ll hang up on me / I call back And they’ll place me on hold till they’ve gotten rid of me And the ragged woman with her carriage and puppets She’s nobody’s’ fool, she is always there; casting For always there is some kind of due process election And we’re all caught up in her crosswalk while eighteen wheelers roar, past them Delivering her platform; she stands in city halls’ fountain And waves her arms, prophetically, in public, splashing Outside, in the cold, it’s a furry of ranting It starts to snow, in a flurry, she’s apprehended while some homeless kid’s laughing They’re foretelling the future but nobody’s listening Well I can’t even remember now, when I just sat; sitting Not rushing, wishing, craving, ya know? But I’m buskin away Need to constantly go I can’t flow I’m falling; I’m freezing, on the shufflers’ sidewalk of snow With my shadow puppets Out here on Queen and Main Where the shadow puppets go Valley where I used to dream, Along the valley where I used to dream The trees are crying and the fall winds scream The stream flows calmly for another day Until she’s filled in by the expressway Now the northern flicker rests in diminishing forest rows Escaping and hollowing out a new home where earth machines will not go It’s where I used to finally find some space Though it will all soon be buried by the industry race Quiet nights along deer trails Natural valley, now for sale Manufacturer’s greed and quarrel for the “right” It’s where I used to take some space Where the solace seemed to sing, whisper and sway It’s where I search for in vain today Red Hill Valley, steam rolled away Trillium Campfire Song, Ray Scott Special Friends: Open up your sunny eyes (your laughing minds) And forget those crying skies (raining on the sad, sublime) Smile away the clouds, so gray Find your peace this summer day No matter what your worries may be Take one look around; I’m here for you and you’re here for me Counting stars at the rainbows end At the campfire full of friends Love and laugh away your fears Wave of sadness disappears Family so full of life; Sharing songs of joy beneath the wishing clear July moonlight No matter what your worries may be Take one look around, cuz we’re all right here and that’s all we need Counting stars at Rainbow Lake again At the campfire full of friends Painted eggshell drop with your special friends, just you and them All the pain just stopped, cuz you then realized all of the things That you could do again! Building castles in the sand Singing circles hand in hand Catching memories down at F.A.B Best times that we’ve ever had No matter what your worries may be Take one look around cuz’ we’re all right where we all should be Hanging round West Lake again At the campfire full of friends At the campfire full of friends That never ends Thursday Blue - edit II: Blue are two worried eyes Pale as a love-starved child Turned to a torpor gray Sadder than summer rain Blue are the wrinkling waves Carrying dreams away Far as these feelings go You don’t let your hopelessness show This journey’s end, Thursday blue Cold blue waves crash and pound Helpless while sloth holds you down Dream now Thursday blue, Friday awaits you Drifting miles from tranquility Stranded in uncertainty Oceans of withheld tears Nowhere to cry you fear Rough as the raging sea Thursday blue Blue are two far away eyes Oceans of tears, still not cried Blue wounded eagle scream sounds Polarized eyes diving down Rest now Thursday blue There’s but two feet of water beneath you Thursday blue Friday awaits you Chips ‘n a Poke Oh Patty Green, sweet Patty Green With the nicest set of ...Irish eyes a Scotsman’s' ayer seen. Meet me late at Stonewalls please n’ after I’ve swept ya’ off yer two steppin’ feet, we’ll dance down “Ray Street North for a scant, to my shamrock shire, that’s where we’ll retire and, We'll only kiss n' cuddle, we'll share wee snuggly wuggly snuggles, We'll eat chips in a poke n' share a wee smoke But we'll only kiss n' cuddle, Share some toast, r’ scones, tangy marmalade n' breakfast tea, Oh, on Ray street you'll come, see me, Darlin' sweetie, Patty Green. When you did nay feel a connection, I felt confused, misled and abandoned With me mates from work, n’ the waitresses noticin’ me’ erection Rat a’ tat-tat! Sure puts the tin hat on that! It’s so embarrassin’ ta’ t’ink about but I’ll get on I’m what you may say, eh hem, “hardened” by… The Green-eyed gal that left me swillin’ brew and holding tears that wanted to cry from barbarically slaughtered Banshee eyes Was the decade betwixt us far too wide or when left standin’ there, alone, too long I might have made you mad inside? N’ start to feel like on “Plenty Of Fish”, I lied and lied and lied. With those pasty Gaelic Gams, that twirled right round like a Celtic whistling’ wind, I highland danced with you, so closely, held ya’ like a honey glazed ham And Wham, I swore I’d won ya’ back but you could nay’ wait to make yer’ escape N’ leave me forsaken with Rachel, Robbie, Conner n’ Kate I’m Like a steamy jobby on the dance floor Slow-dance song a’ sobbin,’ sulkin’ schoolboy ‘face that found the wrong side of the slammin’ door. Oh, Patty Green, Sweet Irish Queen With the nicest set of….shanty stolen clover eyes A Scotsman’s ayer seen. Well then, come to me home, we’ll kiss n’ cuddle Come share wee snuggly wuggly snuggles We’ll eat chips in a poke And you’ll roll yer wee smoke But we’ll only kiss n’ cuddle We’ll share breakfast n’ tea, lassie, just you n’ me After we’ve spooned all night and snuggled We’ll only kiss n’ cuddle It’s just for a kiss n’ a cuddle I am Merely a Player In Toronto, on-route to Massey Hall, With my self-secure, and oh, so very truly cared for acquaintances, in a rental van Just somewhat lost in one-way downtown streets On-way toward the ticket window; losing our direction Between the clustered parking lots Towering buildings, intimidated boutiques And scurrying, anxious human feet We became (assimilated?) closed-in Yet segregated, all too fast While changing lanes, as the shadows fell, somehow Through and round the sky reach architecture, flashing While signaling, merging, changing lanes, Clustering And there! On sidewalk; sleeping! With toque o’er his sunken, wrinkly eyes So shrouded. Sinking in the cracks of sulfury sewers in exile Right amidst proceeding selfishness and sheer avoidance The (looking glass) of this – society; Walking right round him (sleeping there, in “available” space) /Exit stage left/ Turning their noses while he keeps warm on the steamy grates Of bacteria and waste Perhaps in too much of a drugged-up state to manifest The will He sleeps there still this day; desolate, While the rest of us all drone As I stared self-consciously, cautiously and thoughtfully I became one with the flattening affect And as we slowly crawled along Yonge Street with all the other cars He diminished in the rear-view, repressed like all deep scars My acquaintance turned his head to me somewhat later than just then and he spoke with startling boastful bliss, “Wait till you see how fabulous our concert tickets are!” “Article 44,” Well, working just a day job don’t pay all my bills You might think, after college, things' be better, still I work the day, then I work the night; Down on the loading docks, shipping mail See, now I got a family; little mouths to feed No more coke and whiskey Gotta’ meet their need I try all day I try all night And no one respects me (ain’t that the truth!) Well I try, try, try to make a better buck And I cry, cry, cry when I’m down on my luck While I load those skids, I think about my kids My back’s so sore but I’m working for a chance to be on “Article 44” Expedited I work outside the union, but I still pay a fee That’s if I see my cheque on time, you know, my rent ain’t free I survive, that’s how it goes, from shift to shift and call to call full-timers’ eyes on me They keep watch on me at the job that they fought so hard for Everyone on the seniority list has “one foot in the door” I know those looks. I ain’t no fool I’ve known their kind before Well I try, try, try to make a better buck And I cry, cry, cry when I’m down on my luck When my land line rings, gotta’ quickly grab my things My feet are bloody blistery but I’m working for a chance to climb up “Article 44” It’s “priority, -Expressed” Lost and Fatherless in Suburbia Our suburban psychos, for the most part, lost Between rags and riches and family tree frost Crashing in communes; blindly belonging to a lost race From the civil world, taking refuge where they learn Lessons of anger and entitlement, discrimination and hate Stomping heads and killing for skin Excusing themselves with free speech; twisting The U.N constitution to sin Their skewed, warped vision through which they see Contradicts the sane popular version of history, humanism or Christianity What kind of sick leader, false Prophet or God could just let their actions be? This demons’ religion through which they all are brainwashed to be Places hierarchy on colour, but then only one colour When the “COLOR” should be none and the spirituality; peace, equality and humanity Where are their fathers’ to forgive them, hold them, set them free? There is no longer that concept to set them free A “Man” or “Father” to them is no such thing and There may not even be equality, Quite possibly Evergreens She must have been turning in her sleep She kept herself somber in her snow white sighing winter When I tried to wake her And I tried to not hesitate to hold her I lost her in the wake of west lakes’ yesterday She kept her own beauty deep in dream Yeah, trees swayed, rivers still moved, branches swayed when she breathed I tried to wake her, the seasons changed in her, rivers’ current, like time, chained to her I’ve lost her now in the dusty frost so blinding (Her memory is binding) The night’s grown darker now, the twilight wanes Within the shadows of this haunting moon, She’s fading now A piercing chill remains The forest shrills and I Need my evergreen! Yeah, dream of her when I’m alone I miss her in all seasons The cold wind fills my eyes with frost She’s lost I saw her last season, Evergreen Yeah, here I’m stone-gray-stranded, Evergreen! I dream of her when I’m alone I miss her in all weather The cold wind’s turned my eyes to ice, she’s lost I’m left blinded till July, she has been lost! The nights’ grown darker now, the twilight wanes Within the shadows of this pale, full-moon of gloom She’s lost forever now Piercing shrills of stranded, dying spirits remain Yeah, I need my Evergreen Dream of her when I’m alone Covered in the echoing forest of frost She has been lost The Lucky Ones, Ain’t we the lucky ones That it won’t matter in the end What we’re fighting for, again and again See the unlucky ones The ones who had it all and all, They are praying for’s their Madison to make the curtain call Our little angel’s in the alleyway Wide blue four year old eyes following us night and day She wants to spread her wings in peace but There; concerned, she has to stay Brilliant four year old ears; hearing every word her parents say I hope for Madison, they’ll change Young angel in a cage, Dreaming she’s dancing on the stage Her fixed blue eyes study every move cousin Maddy makes I know her mom and he, Close off the dance floor while she waits For all the arguing to end as she hides from them in the alleyway Her dreaming blues study Maddy at the Stratford play - backstage from cancer hell’s gateway They never wished for anything to be quite this way I hope for Madison, they’ll change their ways They have to think of poor Taylor-Rae I hope for Madison, they can change Ain’t we the lucky ones That it won’t matter in the end What we’re fighting for It all wont’ matter in the end See the unlucky ones Two different little girls, the same Were born with everything until the sickness came But they are not to blame But they are not to blame I hope for both their sakes’ they can change And free their minds from physical and emotional cancer One in the same The Troublesome Tale of the Steel Town Temp – This is the troublesome tale of the steel town temp Who was living common-law and he just couldn't pay his rent With a baby on the way after a motor accident And the run’ round from insurance All his borrowed money was spent He lowered himself one day n' his standards, ya’ see And he crawled through the door to the temp agency All he could find was a contract job; grinding Steel for 10 hours with no incentives, no premiums, no benefits He was robbed, whored' round and screw jobbed He made some acquaintances, workin’ three shifts Who were all down and blue; feeling souled out by devil pimps Together they all vented, while all choking on factory steel dust Keeping busy, gasping and frantic; Spraying black paint on the engine cradle rust (Never hide it). He drove in the snow for an hour there and back each day Got a kick in his ice blue ass when he seldom came late Freezed to a screechin’ no heat burnt out-sleep at the final stretch-red light Just seconds from his rental home, he could Never radiate, defrost n’ feel right He worked through the day and he droned through the afternoon and night He struggled at home every inch was an f.f.f.f-fight! Finally cried out, “I can’t take anymore!” “You can all stick this dirty job; I’m not your dirty whore!” Round n round n’round she goes, Where she stops, nobody knows Round n round n’round it goes Where it stops??? N’what does his future have in sight? Well he’s probably sobbin’ and sulkin’, crawlin’ back through all that shite! But it’s just for now, just temporary Someday soon, you’ll see, I’ll finally have that degree I’ll fix us outta’ here! Permanently! It doesn't feel like Christmas; Snow is falling on the ground Song of love is all around Song’s a somber melody It’s how I feel without Louise Remembering Christmas things we do When it was only me and you Our children sleeping, I’m alone Wondering when will you be home? I don’t feel the Christmas No I can’t feel the Christmas Without you And by the fire, your glass of wine Curled on the floor, I warm with mine Empty bottle I cling to Will my Christmas wish come true? And it’s not much like Christmas Oh it won’t feel like Christmas Without you Season’s love is all around Star shines high above snowy clouds Crystal sky blows magic through the air If this spirit shows her how much I care… It’ll feel more like Christmas everywhere House is quiet, children deeply sleep Fire smoldering, losing all it’s heat Out the window dream dust softly falls The windy echo of an angel seems to call Hope still gleaming in my eye Like the embers still a ‘glow that won’t die Look to your stocking next to mine And pour another glass of wine It’ll feel more like Christmas It’ll feel more like Christmas, This time. I’ll bow down to her forever, She never will forget the days and nights I loved her And I never lied But she never will remember all the times she hollered That she hoped I died She’d slam the door, I ran away To drive alone all day, too sad to cry I’d turn around I’d play the clown Out in her hallway, I apologized I swear she thrived Every time I see her I try so hard to stand up But I fall – hear my plea! I fight so hard for peace but all this strife Has knocked me down, I’m on my knees Locked outta’ my own doorway, ironically I keep falling, to my knees Bowing down to her forever I’m anxious as a suicide; I’m gridlocked in a guillotine of pride My moods can’t hide How hard I’ve tried Bowing down before her as I kiss her hand I’m sinking deep inside Through the keyhole, my clown eyes cry Performing like a circus freak, a hundred thousand nervous high wire feats Balancing and juggling my emotions while the world beneath me spins while- All the fools all full of jeers and ridicule and told ya’ so…s are screaming from the streets And I keep falling Miserably Bowing down to her forever I bow down to Her forever To her forever Ashes to Ashes – edit II: I’m just trying to help you see things right, give me a break Please try to understand all that I have given you and how much More that I can’t take Oh what else can I do! I feel so all alone And I am used up and I’m all worn-out to every Aching bone And wound up to my tightening spine, you shout All of your screws, you’ve twist into my overloaded troubled mind Ashes to ashes Dust to dust The bullies,’ gonna burn me up before I rust In hurricanes of hell wind tantrum fuss Ah, I’m just about to boil to the point I break Underappreciated, battered every single day And still I’m just disturbed enough; returning to you Oh for heavens’ sake! All my hairs are goin’ gray With everything at stake I’m struggling still to break’ way But the cycle keeps me lost in loops And throwing punches at the shadows Hanging by yer’ gallows’ noose You’ve slammed me down n’dragged down with you and I, I go Tightening in our circumstantial fools’ gold hoops Ashes to ashes Dust to dust Burning up before I rust Before I must No Money For Christmas I have no money for Christmas gifts this year So you’ll have to be content with my sweet love my dear You won’t catch me in the lineups in those crowded shopping malls I’ll be digging in the couch cushions for loose dimes oh deck the halls! I feel sorry for ol’ Saint Nick The reindeer all got swine flu, the elves are in bed sick You won’t catch me singing Hark the Harold or Ho Ho Ho You won’t see Mommy late, neath nothing, cuz I pawned the Mistletoe I have no money for Presents this year. So you’ll have to be content with the man ya’ gots right hey’er So you can cross my good ol’ lovins’ right off of your Christmas list Cuz all I gots to gives’ ya’s a big hug and these sweet lips Gotta fill on rum and eggnog when I give my kids the news Cuz They’ll stone me and kick my nut sack into my stomach till I puke! I know they’re gonna hate me when they look beneath the tree And they’re gonna wonder why is Santa passed out n’covered in daddy’s pee So let’s bottle up and drown in all this Christmas good Cheer I lost my job friend’s are too poor to rob, so Happy New Year! There won’t be no one fat and jolly singing “Ho Ho Ho!” He had to lay off ol’ Rudolph; he now works down at the Esso (on Dundurn and King) Bill Collectors offices are a’ ringing in the cheer! Drinking up our bonuses we never got this year! Pass me a beer! I can’t afford one ribbon; there’ll be nothing with a bow I’m the only turkey so stick a fork in, I got no doe So why you standing there all silly with your eyes all closed? Puckering for nothing. There’s still no mistletoe! There’ll be nothing under the Plastic tree in green or in red No log or even sticks for fire. Gotta’ get it through your head There’ll be no strings no strands not even musical snowmen No tinsel in a can, only one broke and drunken dirty passed out red suit wearing man! I have no money for Presents this year… (silent night on guitar). The Legacy of The OSAP Loans Oh the OSAP loans! Lord help my please ‘cuz I took on The OSAP loans! I was so young, had such high hopes Now I’ll never own a house and home! Is there nothing I can call my own? In so much debt, and all regrets I tried to build a better life But all I done was dug a lifelong hole! (An abyss of begging for interest forgiveness) OSAP Woahhh. OSAP loans Now I’m drowning deep, it’s endless strain Locked up in lenders’ heavy chains And I’ve black marked my family name While sucked into the swirling, snarling, credit panic drain! OSAP loan! They’ve got me anchored by the balls They’ve sniped me in my mind I can’t hide From OSAP loans I can run from job to job I can exhaust interest relief They’ll garnish all my hard earned wage So much for the eight hour day The day will always come They’re gonn’a rob me blind As if I done a naïve dreaming young mans’ crime I’m surely gonna’ do my years of time! But my children they will be no fool I will never ever never let em take on loans To pay for post secondary school They may be chased down to pay off mine and moms’ long after we have said goodbye! And that’s far too much a burden to lay on our worlds’ future brilliant minds! It is Your Love Emmie-Rose, you’re growing so fast With every moment there’s more love in my heart For me you’ll always be a light in the dark Cherish these days for they will all have to pass Wide blue eyes of sunshine and hope Dreaming mind and angelic soul Climbing stairs like they’re mountains of changes Crying while falling as it all rearranges It is your love that is trying Love that is smiling Your love is laughing Love is striding There still are times, where I keep fear to myself For that that there needs to be so much father in me As you grow more each day with less of my help You’re more assured, forever close your daddy will always be For love –It is shining (love love love love love) Love is living Love is not denying Love is giving It is your love, Keeps believing, on me you’re relying Your love isn’t hiding, and I will keep on trying I never knew I’d feel this way I’ve wandered in the dark and let my fear take me away I swear, my Emmie-Rose You add meaning to my life. I swear, my Emmerie-Rose, I will be there to watch you grow My children keep me strong and one thing that I know that is real… It is your love…. In this garden, my sweet Emmy-Rose A darling angel from your head to your toes One thing won’t change, throughout the years Your father wants to make it perfectly clear It is the love…I am feeling, I am giving Your love’s smiling – It is your love…Love keeps you dreaming (it is your love, love love….) Guardians, Please Protect Me There’s a naked widow locked out, withering confused On her front porch while they all lay sleeping Deemed mentally incompetent and the keys are kept by the government And the eroding maple tree with limbs all dried up, bent and brittle In her front yard creeks and shivers, slowly collapses Aged a hundred years and her roots are dead and her branches break Like haunting spirits of vertigo in the autumn wind, hanging By their heads Ah. They cry Ah they cry And this woman cries; forgotten, all her assets have been stolen While the city moves on by, beyond the reach of her suffering mind Awe. No time. They don’t notice Ah, they mind their own business Aghk! They have no time to fix this And the tramps beneath the fine dining doorways Lay beaten beneath the sidewalk cracks In the Hell-milton Horrifying underworld Why are they forsaken by such civil inattention? Why must she bleed, forgotten, while her defenses soften? Guardian, protect me! They cry; Guardians protect me! Please protect me! An old man hollers on Hess; walkin’ right through the middle of the village, He sounds like a screamin’ poet While we sit at Koy, on the patio, in the sun There’s a young girl; a’clingin’ to her purse where all her crack tools are kept N’ we don’t even know it No we don’t even know it! The beautiful young woman; with the squeegee in one hand with her cell phone, set to speed dial her dealer, in her other And her shirtless coward next to her, in the alley She has no real choices And we don’t even get it They’re all hopelessly roamin’ right through the middle of the village They’re locked out, confused, unloved and lied to Handin’ me notes, to read, I’m who they beg to Who they ask for food from Lookin for “protection” from But it’s something; someone else all too powerful, they’ll be a’ needin’ it from But painfully, not gettin’ it from “Gaurdians” Protect someone! Fallen There is a frosty, white blanket of apathy this morning, covering the fallen leaves There is an echoing, low moan, far off drowning and a silence, so heavy; falling all around in the rising steam from the laying, bloodstained, burnt up masses There is a thousand tone anchor of lethargy chained to the sycamores and a sludgy, slug-like breath; crawling- out from muddy streams and ditches, where a lone soldier digs his lock joint fingers into eroded clay and torn earth roots - - clawing cliffs to crumble, in the haunting cough of smoke from a burnt out flare of autumn evenings' hope Fields, once glowed and cherry blossoms flowed Now they've turned to ashy, crying ghosts of dismal, ancient nights in foggy, caving, solemn and satirical cemetery rows Today, I ask you to remember Today I watched your face drop when your friend left here I saw the very thought of you and me again, Alone, Deflate you While you watered the dying daisies Remember when we bloomed into each other’s light, Quenched each other’s thirst? Remember when we’d spend all night long in each other’s gentle arms Until late into next afternoon? Remember lying awake in separate beds, embraced On opposite ends of the telephone? Remember, in a Huntsville cottage, fantasizing about our lives together? Through pain, Through fear Through both the wounded and the gifted tears Remember plunging rapidly Into each others deep blue pools of honest empathy And unconditional regard? I’m desperate to know why now we try so hard We now fight against each other, choking in such violent waves We used to float for many hours, still, together with the turquoise ocean For endless nights and days Remember holding hands? Remember overcoming the blows; The ultrasound, showing us the stopped heart of our unborn baby? Remember all the strength, together we had to hold? Remember how we always found quiet time? To forget for a while Remember all the pain and strife From day to day That scrambled both our lives Remember us not shouting, Just relaxing and accepting Not desiring Although I can’t forget those times right now I strongly feel we both just forget how We think too much of then and here And where our lives will take us in the coming years It’s killing us, my dear Help me find that flame within your dark brown eyes that burns Help me find that almost endless moment in your arms Hearing the beach with every peaceful and content sigh Help me find the reason once again, for why I’d finally cry Do you remember me? Do you remember that all perfectly not perfect way On the path together where we used to be? The seed Needs to be planted and nourished In love and light but given shade With balanced emotional desire and commitment, from the heart and for another A new life is gradually made Hope, future and endlessness Developing out of gentle, soft and holy seeping tears Flowing deep into the very fabric of fertility and belonging A gleam in loved one’s eyes to never disappear As shelter Protection from a new and dangerous world Filled with constant conflict, change and cataclysm Spinning at an overwhelming speed and constant overstimulation You’re but a spring tulip bulb in a garden-bed that may drown in teeming rain of scrutiny Cradled In the shadows of an absurd theatre Moving as a mime, in a world that’s one small bubble Safe still from the storm and stress of cyclic troubles As the imaginary audience watches you develop, naïve and nude Dependent On the guardian Fulfilling all essential needs to foster blooming To be cooed to and massaged in relax monologues of waving vibrations, so softly broken Over shores of familiarity with fragments of subconscious As if often dreaming While swaying in a peaceful, calm and simple womb To be born Through the threshold into something wondrous and new Eyes that scream to focus, welling in a murky indigo-blue Held to comfort at thy mother’s breast By instinct crying out for help and coddled, sucking and sighing, carefully taking each short breathe Welcome To our garden Let its chances always bloom And let its weeds not grip you struggling Alone in sadness or in fear For we will always, for eternity be here Your Guardian Settling Softly A shivering shrill, in dusk forsaken In misty moon glow, dusty glitter flickers, ‘Cross fluttering flares from strobe beacons In shadows flashing, evening's cast This calmness is unmistaken The whispering wind sighs through the reeds Then shrivels along a rippling, watery wake In a wrinkling pond where boats are docked Weeping willows arch, rattle and rock Sounds are heard brushing against my window On Clear lake where crystal stones shimmer And ring, from a whirling aurora That swirls and swings, so soft and sweeping Like a multitude of streaking rainbows Tranquilly sustained, cradling, Weeping streamer, somber and slow Dancing pirouettes round the loon who floats Way in the distance drifting deep Into this collective, quietly swaying sleep Softly settling silence keeps Symphonic Embers in her eyes, they sparkle, Tiger striped, in shadows I jump through full moon-hoops, to marvel Within captivating orbs of smoldering mahogany, Oracles through oceans of reflected stars In other galaxies afar Although a hostage, I must carefully explore She takes me where our breathing turns to dusty nebulae She carries me through cluster crystal glimmering frost She stares silvery moon-flares Through a meteor shower of anxiety It navigates a path of free feelings, Floating in a calm oblivion, Amidst full catastrophe From fallen stars colliding Her peaceful, wondrous reassuring eyes Evoke no question while my wind-cradled mind Does simply follow her divine example As if I’m swimming through a still reflective pond with her, To settle in a serene sleeping dream of oneness Sensual and real Our spirits fuse together in an ancient, empty canyon on a milky moon We make love within shadows, While a drizzling glitter falls We drift off further than perception Carried by the kiss, which is our gravity While lady infinitys' mothering eyes cry splendors' tears on our newborn bodies Million year old crevice caves of death turn quickly into shimmering sweet and living love lagoons So spiritual So Symbiotic Resonating, rhythmic hearts, one beating Shivering in a star-frost whisper Like a humming lyre Feelings that can never swell, then disappear, Like tingling kisses on a breast We are sustained, everlasting and Symphonic Raymond J. Scott, July 22, 2003 So Deep Rhythmic to my beating heart And chiming mind We are essence that glides, Without breaking Like diamonds, not scratching Sharp and shining Hot blades on cool ice, skating Deep Not only our eyes Our souls Passion’s kiln, it burns within me Every inch of my body swells In heat from her radiant beauty She kisses me so passionately I’m thrilled I’m cooled By the ways that she can touch me Soft to sleep, Held in her breast Sighing, soothing, breezy breath She gently touches, She’s my soul-mate artist And we’re each other’s muse Sustained for ever, She plays the strings within me Not only in the waking hours In softly swaying silent sleep She’s a once in a lifetime dream So deep So deep Beautiful Belinda Belle Beautiful Belinda Belle Blond bombshell She sells Avon day to day She’s aesthetically refined Cosmetically divine She’ll revolutionize the world someway With her compact contusion blushes And masque shades of multi-layered pain Yes, the first important step To a beautiful knew-you Is the proper foundation She’s manufactured her face so meticulously I’ve seen such empty whored-art in billboard industry She stuffs the appetites of thousands who’ll objectify her which compliments their massive capitalistic appetite For constant gratification She’s been schooled with all the other perfect, broken porcelain dolls Inside of mother’s locked glass cabinet And all around are scrutinizing funhouse mirrors She’s scarred beneath a caked on paste She’s afraid to go home Because she’s not sure where that is She’s punishing herself by looking beautiful By running into his arms The jade shame in her eyes still shows Beneath the rouge and blush Beautiful Belinda Belle Blond bombshell Just graduated at the top Above the lesser low-shelf dolls She now sells door to door, by phone, in chat-rooms And whores around on infomercial, web cam auctioneer for her hooked addicts Family men n’ business types that haven’t found their God just yet but lost daughter years ago, while focused on their own big dreams, the mood is set She’s obsessed with being main stage pop queen She’s starving to be scene! She hardly sleeps at all For every layer must dry If she smiles, she will crack She can’t afford it The cost to reapply But she’ll always exit stage left The storm gray flooding sorrow in her vanity mirror eyes will probably never subside At the Window At the window, He’ll oft think, The worst “What if I’s,” “Should haves,” “ But I don’ts,” or “cant's” Yet does, he simply won’t Someday he’ll climb through the open window Someday he’ll no longer just imagine how “it” feels What “it” smells and tastes like To be fearless and flowery, Rhapsodizing everywhere he dares to walk in life But his window’s only painted on the wall He’ll hope while climbing, merely till he falls Dissociated fantasizing pools of rippling blue-green fusion Well inside depression’s flat and flooding, Isolated Self alienation The insurers wage loss compensation cheques, BI-weekly, Are his life supports for torpor Searing, constant hesitation and irrational avoidance spin him In a whirling, constant overstimulation Under clouds of panic and of doubt He swirls in social phobia tornadoes, corkscrew cutting Downward He is pinned under the avalanche of heavy misery And crippling, creative malady Warm, Smooth Miracle I’m so amazed Crystals gleam in her eyes Reflections chime From the candle light With a whisper In sweet symphony I kiss her lips and I’m alive! We hold each other endlessly Shangri-La’s within her eyes The whispering whirls into crescendo The Spirit in her calls me Keeps me safe Secure Sigh Calling Calling me I slip into that mystic forever in that shining place In the deep, dark blue ocean of her beaming eyes Reflecting the whisper of the wrinkling light From the waxy, smooth miracle Our hands melt together To hold She is the love of my life Flowing and free Like waves and sea Embraced with me Following into the shadowy unknown Of all that is to be Suede Two blue-eyed pools of tears Hide beneath a white lace veil Spring winds soothing softly sway Sighing through her window screen Whispering stir in sandy hair Lying there, she is so vulnerable and silent Wrinkling, milky satin sheet Wave of mourning while she sleeps Rolling over, worrying, the young woman weeps Feels beside her, knowing for certain no one’s there Open eyes and trance-like stare Stroking her silk pillow case And it’s softer than suede Tender skin and gentle hands Carefully cradling herself, like her cello After opus end and climax Pouting, panting and proud But pretentiously dreaming How smoothly moving, Her bow And it is softer than suede Sunlight is breaking through the clouds of dawn She slips further under blanket shroud, She’s gone She slips into a misery A soft, unheard and gentle, Introverted, closed off misery Alone and softer than suede She is the most important one, Inside of no one’s life As disconnected as she is She is so awfully right Love Went Away It’s hard to think, about it now I gave so much just to furl in sorrows’ shroud And here I stand, so far behind Asking myself, how could I have been so blind? I gave my soul, and so much more But I lost the game. false trust may be to blame I tried so hard to make things right Over and over, every day, I had to fight Chorus I close my eyes as I try to disappear All the while, I have been so damned sincere I turned around, And love went away To be alone, stranded outside, Of the room we once waltzed into, in some other frame of mind I’d rush right home, only for her But is that true or did it just make me lonelier? Chorus I close my eyes as I try to disappear, stop the tears All the while, I have been so damned sincere I turned around, And love went away Bridge And as I fell into lost hope, within cold streets, Shattered dreams, knocked me down Address myself, in disarray, I now know, That I was not sane I was not sane (Repeat Chorus) Ray Scott Trying To Forget You Sleeping thoughts and spiral eyes I’m waiting for you in disguise Retrieving memories, stored away Feelings, I so often hide Buried deep, inside my mind Burrowing into a hole Blackened by repression soon Burning through the semantic fold Aye-eye-aye-ee-aye’m Trying to forget you Aye-eeyeah-ee-aye’m Drowning, Drowning My memories of you, But gently (Waiting, Waiting, Holding on) Swirling sounds so peacefully sway Ebbing waves soon wash away Drifting day and silent dream Evening moon and flowing stream Carrying – Carrying Aye-eye-aye-ee-aye’m Trying to forget you Aye-ee-aye-ee-aye’m Drowning my memories of you Softly Slowly, Holding on. Dewy Meadow The cold wind is callous My mind is stranded in the arctic, Awaiting the guillotine of winter, To collide and cut into my freezing nerve, behind my snowy eye, That burns, dry-cold The blizzard is like razor blades, soaring, searing, Ripping apart my composure Tearing my concentration, Stranded on an iceberg The frost clusters and metastasizes from my mouth To my throat of echoes, choked out by this banshee of apathy- Wailing- whirls me into the terrifying realm of uncertainty Where I’m paralyzed in creative subzero And I fade further than a hundred miles away, From her, my dewy meadow, Beyond wind tunnels of wet-snow, dried to ash-litter In the springtime sun, She is unachievable, as this spirit’s chained By a socialized body of a conventionalized, then drained and indifferent, spiteful master And here I am, I don’t know how But I’ve got to try And somewhere, The light of morn breaks through, from a south-easterly direction Where my love waits still, to be reborn All of my dreams, My will Oh spring garden Budding life Hold my love once lost, The mirage, While I await the vessel that the sun spirits guide, To free me from my isolation So I’m no longer desolate In reoccurrence, I will live again In my dewy meadow The Pain The man stands on the corner of my street And he’s got dark eyes And he wears no disguise There’s a hag for hire in Hess Village And she hollers at the patrons, while passing And she curses them and their greed As they laugh But she gets to me She’s waiting for a love to come along and ease her pain There’s a factory furnace, still firing There’s a cloud in the sky that is looming There will be another lonely soul Where the dark eyed man now stands He’s still waiting for a love to come along to ease his pain I can still see his cold dark eyes, and hear her cackling cries Burning ten miles inside me And it pains me, It drains me I’m waiting for a love to come along to ease my pain Stay For Tonight I know it’s late, glowing moonlight Want you to hold me, stay for tonight But I can’t wait, for you to love me Can’t we be children again? And can you stay for tonight? I’m missing something, as this moment slips beyond My fear of morning Sliding shadows wash you away Busy day, racing people Storming sadness, raining afternoon I need someone who I can turn to Someone to laugh, cry and smile to Can you stay for tonight? End of the road, the sun shines, you’ll soon leave town I fill my coffee again! The cycle spins around It’s not too late Will you turn over? Why won’t you stay? It will work out, we’ll be fine Oh, will you stay for tonight? Lazy Gray Sky Lazy gray sky hovers strangely O’er my head, decisions change me I look for answers every day Afloat at sea I sail away Love is like the ocean Tides take all direction Crawling in a moonbeam Will mood indigo fold in the wave seem Or is happiness all just a dream? I am frowning when I say hello I’m frowning when it’s time to go I want to find my smile, somewhere in-between Where is my tributary? The dream-stream, between Is where I can survive, each night, the balance for me, it seems, the rolling mountain, meandering stream of life Lazy gray sky hovers strangely O’er my head, decisions rearrange me I look for answers, still this day Summer Everyone is waiting They’ve thought about what they’d say Such a shame it happened Oh my Lord, They start to cry Reoccurrence renders, the seasons overlapping Windy autumn weather, Here, she fades, summer sky Taken from the Gook Book, Where we’ve grown accustom, Final farewell spoken In the fall, where we change Music, softly soothing Breezy, blowing meadow Like a weeping willow, All together, reminisce Thoughts have taken us deep into dark nights We haven’t yet shed our final tears Goodbye summer Summer sky Summer fade, Goodbye Now the sun is setting, o’er the lake, through fog, so looming Slowly turning twilight, taking her far away In the winter whispering, In a dream of mourning Seeing is believing Why did summer have to fade? Why did summer die? Thoughts have taken us further than far off Melancholy midnight Alone, we are lost, Without summer Summer sky Summer fade, Away Fade Away… Phantom Rise! Raymond J. Scott I can’t believe that you are gone I cannot correct what is to be and what is done Through any resurrection Requiem raindrops play the harpsichord Of lamenting, off the tin-can-heap in alley refuse Bare branches are caressed by winds’ weeping cello bows Sighing slow ‘cross telephone strings on violin poles Overhangs, the mourning and bereaved birch On the dead and empty street The naked widow sheds her final rusty leaf And begins sleeping under hibernation frost As aurora oboes weep and scatter summer’s ancient ash Sweeping up the smoldering curbside newspaper scraps To blow into the gutter grates of autumn’s echoing underworld Resonating through the sewer drains, Within the ditches, swirling Octaves scale and fall, in perfect meter with her naked, swaying branches, Shivering up and down her deeply grounded roots And soon, when heavy slumber starts to snow, She’ll accept the loss and finally let the season go Phantom rise Phantom rise The bereaved Queen of the molested naked forest sleeps Her spirit, lost in flawless syncopation, sadly keeps In eternal recurrence, the four score opus weeps Softly, it’s a mass for the dead Now within the final quarter, winter, where I’m stranded My youth, how fast it’s fading Alone, here in this haunted night While frost is whistling through the unsealed window I can do nothing but await the maestro Phantom, rise! Bernardo Took a Friend Bernardo took a friend I only ever danced with her N’ I never will again Bernardo took a friend N’ we will never dance again Bernardo took a child ‘Stole her from her family Convicted in the trial But it didn’t end the malady No remedy for tragedy City of masks in midnight misery N’ every time I hear that “Alphaville” song from the eighties play, ye’aye… “Forever young” she will remain ‘Always remember her that way Bernardo took a lovely girl So innocent and pure in this world But angels live on in the end To dance forever young again Forever young, she’ll dance again N’ every time I hear the “Alphaville” song from the graduation play ee ye’ ee-aye! Forever young she will remain Always remember her that way Forever young, she’ll always stay …Bernardo took a friend Less talking more working! ‘Force much more increase on expedited production From far fewer members of the workforce For less n’ less money in Record, reduced time, protocol of modern transformational daily function An 8 hour day in 5 hours of work “Safety talk. Safety talk” Everyone’s on web cam But we deliver paper mail Sender, sender Who is the receiver here! Man-u-life??? Lift properly Feed properly Sweep sweep sweep Back on your blistering feet! Worry about proper feeding procedures first, your back later. Gotta’ get this out by midnight “No extensions tonight, part timers” No casuals in the building Harder, faster, expeditious Incoming, outgoing. It’s getting’ ridiculous Swipe here. Swipe there. We don’t care Keep up them numbers, we’re almost there! Good night? Bad night? Numbers show! Runnin’ tie-out, my back’s gonna’ go Too bad there’s no band-aid on my mind to show Frustrations’ tear, where my focus should flow More Talk, Less “Schooling” Base your own educational needs on competition with our greedy brothers and sisters You stupid, massive, stuffed shirt, government bastards! …on statistical standardized tests, research, socio-economical pockets, targets, funding Base it on the masses but base on weak or strong but keep on babbling Fork lightning dictictated division of the façade of capitalism More like Satanism But we are now too scared to rise up against him! And in unison, scream! Satin, be silent! We’ll be legislated and extinguished Guided back to work by our big brother Cuz’ our neglecting guardians, who we never seen Are fighting the cold war and keepin’ us “clean” But what of our individual needs in the classes! While we fall deep into and beneath the cracks and burn among the ashes from a collective victory cigar of the upper classes, the business pig-pen controlling masses! All I Can Offer I’m slipping away, cuz’ enmeshed, we’re not free Unsure who it is that you think I should be I’m living all moments fused into one Four walls crowding in, closing on me Let me live too Accept me, for I love you I’m sure that you wanted, a love that was new But all I can offer is myself to you You’re asking of me, something unlike the rest But I’m only human when I’m at my best Help me find a way Tell me, that we’re okay all the damage that is done! And everything we’ve overcome. I realize that it’s gonna’ take time We need to open ourselves again Winner or loser, it doesn’t matter Trust me, my love, we can leave it all behind Please take my hand as we intertwine I’ll validate you. I’ll empathize Show me your truth. Show me your nature Please realize who you are to me You’re my truest and greatest friend Lamenting Goodbye Raymond J. Scott I found my Angel, in oh, so many ways Beneath July moonlight, on a sail-dock far away Sparkling in the night, feeling so right Starlit eyes from auroras’ northern skies With no word or sign, the summer rushed by While we stood frozen, hesitating careful and shy Distance, we knew, would swell between us Far off on the wind, ‘tween reality and the rush Like the waves and the cold wind, September set in The chill in my heart, Left me, dropping the mast, holding the anchor, forsaken Look my way, take my hand It’s all right Say goodbye, all over tonight While we nearly kiss in the rain While Lady West Lake wanes While I embraced her, I felt rescued from the world With such scared, hidden urgency And subtle, insecurities Afraid, to take her Equally, to leave her Joy at the same time For her eyes gazed in mine As I looked on the horizon, I saw evening wind blow The sunset was mystical, and the milky pearl moon glowed But in reality, frost was to cover the Island And fall froze me still, lamenting, Under early snow On the rocking dock, where I often travel a day to stand With only her perfumed scarf in my shivering hand Lady Willow Raymond J. Scott Lady Willow lies in sleep, Her waves of soothing, flowing breath, Resonate while soul-felt solace keeps In somber, weeping winds, so smooth, She sighs pirouetting pixy dust, Spiraling a harp-strummed hush Through the thickets, her melodic, mantra breeze She sleeps beneath the mothering white willow She listens closely to the fairies dancing in the air If she sleeps there long enough, She will see them in the clear night moon-glow From the resting meadow She can even float through midnight, Toward the somber sunrise Along the wake of spiritual reliving, In the moment Mindful and settling Wading in a pond of morning dew She can reach out, like to her newborn, baby child Stretching, peaceful and with passion And singing in her sleep While her body smiles She is surrounded by thousands of expanding ripples She is warm and swelling, it joyfully tickles She will be carried back to wakeful shores To the conscious and the living While softly whispering adieu to her sleep, Becoming day As all else drifts away She will open her eyes to light, Rejuvenation and blue sky of morning Lady Willow, Stretches, yawns And rubs her eyes Stardust falls As glitter on her gifted body Continuing with each, moment, she goes Intoxicated Moratorium I don’t know where or when they lost their way Rebounding off relationship Through purgatory, antisocial subgroups, slipping Into spray-paint, one-way, narrow toll express-lanes Following They brake and roll in constant crowds Of drone bees swarming, Helplessly addicted to the hive Of honey-sweet possessions and instant gratification Frantically alive White knuckle hands clutch steering wheels While speeding, lost, to screaming stops As coffee spills and tires squeal Chaos interference in crammed roadway slots, Their rear-view disappears Regressed to extended adolescents, Curled in fetal shells of need, consuming goods Sad shufflers of bourgeois descendents Feeling frozen and misunderstood Pill popping in repression See them race for name and status Automatons so blind and faceless Failing to breath, or look in mirrors more for vanity, They cry in dark dilation tunnels, Surrender, in blood shot eyes All along, each link, Extends the moratorium one-lane human chain Every new relationship Begins again, the same, again… The same One way One Way Fast lane, human chain… Institutions of minds and of each other - Such is Constant, on March 17th 2002. And I imagine such pain As we open through a split seem, Blind while lodged between the concrete and the absurd Entirely submerged but we cannot swim Crawling through birth Drowning yet waking Racing through a stream to light Fighting for that first breath Strangled by the very noose that preserves us in our sacs, and held back Awaiting dilation and thrust through the dark and dangerous canal And the suffocating force of cruel reality, cramping and crushing Blood smeared and purple, breathless from fear and stress A tangled and shriveled mess of unknowingness and need Contractions squeezing us like a vice Subverting subdivisions of the sublime, uncanny In every overtaking thought, unfinished and nauseating Throwing up inside of the black and white tornado Dropped in unfamiliar surroundings, sweating panic in the search lights, caged and digging our nails into its bleeding walls, we slide and fall Slapped and prodded, Poked and studied Choking and crying Soothing, sucking on the synthetic pacifier Nurtured by our friendly manufacturer We’ve entered an institution It provides for us It keeps us safe It teaches us It becomes us It is accepted It is God And I should feel such pain We beg to the institutions for an answer A direction We repress and become unconfident, incompetent, intoxicated and scared Desolate We lose our appetite We regress in an unknowing dark where the monsters are And the institution mothers us back to sleep And sings us the popular song She sings in colour and whores around her Victoria secret lingerie and rubs her sweaty billboard crotch in our fat, foaming faces And I see such pain, Several days on the afterbirth. Mother’s water broke while she was being fucked by the system She was strung out on crack and lost in a horrible whirl of terrifying repetition The institution provided her a gun, a mirror, a baby and the streets The essentials for a hard learned lesson She shot at the mirror, watched a cloud of flashback shatter Left her baby for another gun A gun that made her matter A gun that made her madder A gun so much more sadder A gun that killed her slowly A numbness and an exit was her wish But she got a longer death and utter loneliness It burns And we burn on For several years When seasons change with a stuttering heartbeat New things happen so fast While pace quickens before we’ve chosen our track While we spend our first three morning hours stirring cups of an instant We come to, crammed between yellow lines Perfectly in formation Following equie distant Some strange force pulls us along on the pavement Feeling as if we could nail the son of a bitch in front of us Feeling pressured from the rear But we are kept constant, in radar traffic and flat speed In the innermost pit of our machines, rattling and ticking We turn up our stereos, hide in media, call it mindful therapy We pull over and find calm places to park We seek solitude in the getaway Sometimes the doors we close behind us let us back in through the windows We take breaks behind a warehouse south of the city, still running Inspired somewhat and hushed as we are de-escalated by the very sight of wheat fields bending in the easterly breath that whistled through the railway path Of four seasons constant, yet changing Wind Under the twilight, of the twilight and because of the twilight, She ages Our mother On the mountainous and deep divide that we look to in the furthest distance Watery, rocky, dense and rolling in the sunset Shedding in the whisk of change that sweeps and brushes her natural beauty away like tangles and knots of burs and weeds as industry tears her down and rams her when she’s most vulnerable and true We change our films to highest resolution and snap a shot for the archives and cry As we drive the earthmover over her and think about our families plans to go to Florida Separation She opens her skirt, on stage of the horizon of tense, day and night, dark and light Opening, as the highway races through her, spilling fluid and burning rubber She turns and collects us and all woes and tears Polluting her oceans Eroding from years and years of constant motion Spreading open her clouds to show her dark, damp cavern to humanity That the institution tells us is inappropriate to see The wind and shrubs sway against her prickly pines and rose petals and thorns and moist landings creating friction and wear back and forth, and mudslide until she moans and bleeds from being delighted and pricked, as tears and sap drip from her orifices And she lies still as we use and abuse her And she is far from a virgin now As we plough through her path with our heavy boots and sharp blades Weeding her and deflowering endlessly But we just keep taking more of her And she keeps giving In a dusty moonbeam Her tears of acid rain singe crevices and canyons deep into her mustard skin of sorrow and lament So do we Cracked, dried out wastelands, landmarked by greedy fingers of science forensically dating her In ignorance to the faint cries from salt water pools, becoming puddles in the hot sun Incoherent gargling, written off in the social work books as alley way waste-aways Or as a breakthrough finding of an ancient sea scroll buried by the ages of suffering Still, The same We spend centuries digging to find that so much has remained constant Yet so many of us fight to bury the present So we ask why And we project blame Some God Some Say I know such pain A train thunders right through the middle of this dry-freeze golden brown And diminishes as it chases the green and yellow on rusty rails Riding time’s tracks And the wheat field snaps back Westward, startling me into reality and routine as I consider possible outcomes of future roads yet to travel As my thoughts oscillate from the field to the highway I slip into gear and remember what has gone away, Lies ahead And keeps me here Fondly, thankfully, and sadly And it all blends as uncertainty In a rocky horseshoe, out of eyesight and earshot as the fan kicks in to cool this anxious and overwhelmed heart And I feel such a strong pain Torn We acknowledge this as the fan halts And the water runs dry only when we first notice we’re thirsty While the engine still hums, ticks and rattles We pretend that we are still healthy Accelerating with a heavy and desperate foot Running in circles but imagining differences in continuity Staring at our Dali skies and Picasso blues and Van Gogh fields And most terrifyingly, our Orwell buildings And thinking of Shakespeare, seeing the humour in tragedy suffering and ruin When in Rome, they say As they turn on the T.V Yes the moment slips behind us but it’s claws, they’re in our stomachs, Digging The falcons and the gulls, and the crows too And the meadowlark alone, off there distanced and cautious of so much O’er this field in our rearview mirrors Do they keep or care for pace and formation? Or do they be? As is And accept it for thee Simple and honest Very toeist But don’t they still chase? Are they a scant fearful too? If they glide for too long will they falter? Will they sink? Will they become constant? Will they die? Do they? Every living thing has a pain Does every living thing have a plan? Does a clear lake represent our purity of conscience? Our depuration Our catharsis? Reflections of the mountains, sky, sun, clouds, leaves, stars and all that moves The trains too They keep pace They fall behind They’re scheduled They’re timed They’re on linear lines Many different boxcars, housing separate cargo, Traveling to many different places, all on the same ride, all together, all with similar walls, all for different uses, and on them hangs so many different customs But all with doors, and all with windows, although so many now are barred and locked So many still have mirrors We become fearful, confused and lose confidence We change course and turn back We steer We split wind, changing highways It separates into new directions and gets lost, cycling to reconnect We travel or keep quiet to forget We purchase vaults We store without sorting We keep such pain We keep constant We bleed We need to talk And I write such pain As my engine hums along My fan clicks on intermittently and cools me Low and living Mortal and grounded And I move on Around this turn again Looking for and finding all sorts of different things All sorts of different things All sorts of different things Rolling, swirling, cycling, spinning, turning, swirling, circling All sorts of different things Around this turn again Afraid of something, someone Dying Wounds and blood Chasing and redefining destiny Looking to the stars for answers Looking through an electron microscope Looking to the stars for answers Looking through the microscope Going to confession Blaming Doing it again Looking deeper next time For healing and nursing Not going But cycling and searing Acquiring infection Afraid of our desires It makes us desperate And I feel such pain Destiny? There are quests and questions and many different answers Since the first seem was split Since the first warm white cap wave flooded over the valley walls, Into the Natural crevices of her moist and fertile soil By instinctual force and did tear her rosy petals To slide back away in retreat, back into dark places To leave her burdened, scared and disheveled To watch her child leave and go to war to fight for his peace As a nursery rhyme changed to nightmare And I feel Fire, wind, and storm A hunger too I miss I want And I feel the scythes Missing my field And wanting too often when not sure if needing When on the yellow linear line is killing me So is this segregating and all conforming way So I’ll reach for my sharpest weapon of escape And spear it into my biggest and bluest vein Pumping the ink of life support Into my body and freeing my mind for a while Along this constant drive so cyclical Each foot, each step, each kilometer, each claw mark A new high A good poison in my blood for a change A stream of purple fueling me Keeping constant Keeping cool Singing Flowing Killing off impulses that only multiply to divide and repel one and other In utter war and strife Soon to be completely drowned in pools of boiling purple bursting to cause orgasmic creative convulsions And I write And I write! And I Write! I stab again, staying constant and barbaric, it’s almost primitively sexual as the prose speak so passionate yet flow uncontrollably as if the eventual pinnacle is inevitable and certain to erupt And ensues, a great and long awaited therapeutic release! The amniotic sac explodes and gushes And I can simply be For a while An irrational yet safe getaway And I’ll feel no pain The institution was my body The institution kept me drunk Other institutions created me Other souls kept hidden I feel them so I hope they’ll change They keep constant My pen clicks on Keeps constant And on the road I still must drive I think of such pain I deal with the pain I deal slowly and it still cycles I may escape I may endure I may challenge my pain Still uncertain, unknowing But I don’t want some people, some things to die So I’ll fight to change within what’s constant And then I’ll constantly change I Apologize Ashamed to enter our bedroom, I am wondering how to make it all right I failed to see you needing me I apologize Now I need to be forgiven I know, that you needed things from me too Although I live in fantasies, I still come home to you I lay awake in the next room So cold and lonely without you, my love I swear it’s true I know you don’t want to hurt me tonight But you are forced to make me realize, You’ve opened your whole self to bring me inside But now, alone and crying, you are not sure why There now is distance between us, I know I’m afraid of where things will go But I still want you in my life I apologize I lay awake in the next room So cold and lonely without you, my love I swear it’s true Ashamed to face you, I’ve made a mistake The neglecting, I can’t ever erase Please let me slowly back to your side I apologize He Never Understood Wandering on the road, direction unknown Lost in speeding streets, Miles from a home City slum so cold, A father cries alone Walking in a whirl, running from the world And I know shadows fall, then there’s fear Why is it so, that our traces disappear? What’s left then, of all of us? Aimless roaming, endless for eternity Howling ghostly wind, winter storm begins Thinking of his son; wondering where did he go wrong. Marries all the blame, he’ll never be the same And he knows deep inside he cannot cope Is it so then, that our world is beyond hope? It can’t be! Not for me and surely not his son! He brakes down; I should have told him when I could Now it’s too late, he pulled the trigger He just never understood! He was only a kid! The young and devoted, fresh out of college case worker Was much too late to save this one But the worker was never going to be free from the institutions anyway In the psychiatric ward she’s catatonic Reality kind of freaked her out too I guess Must be all this constant stress It’s in all of the headlines She’s in this institution; he’s in that institution, This person follows a fine institutional code Where is the institution when our souls are wandering, In traffic, Undiagnosed? You just can’t put a diagnosis or a cast on a shattered dream, Or a suffering soul To me it’s no surprise And I know that these dark streets are much too dead All lamps light have burnt above my head And there seems nothing to change things left Here cries an ever wandering child Who ever only wanted something pure and good He was much too honest He never understood He’ll still wonder on for many, many miles For lifetimes, in other bodies Long after all institutions have closed the file Hamilton Mountain I stood on top of Hamilton Mountain Looking down at the broken hills And withered leaves, Rattled months ago, long dead And bare branches On the century’s trees, In the cold, callous season of nakedness and blind alleys Winding down on the freezing street wanderers I stood on top of jagged rock Interlocked Dry and cracked Overlooking the blizzard moving southeast On my way head on, into it all At the city center I was pulled along in my little red car Moving west, I couldn’t pull over fast enough to take a mental picture Now I look back up and see the snow cascading, diving and swooping Into, against and off of my windshield wipers, swatting Like swarms of anxious thoughts, infesting me Infected by sleepy gray and kept dry and itchy under its’ blanket, I find that the more I hone in, The more I drone on Toward the institutions Jagged roads and stop/go traffic Broken and divided but bumper to bumper Segregated, marginalized, and institutionalized But not familiarized, in such factories Interesting how I can identify while remaining on-course As I wind down the dead, dark escarpment and meander To find myself lethargic within the university; photocopying resumes, Watching time turn on the wall Destructive Influence In Cognition And I say Aye-hey’ee-ayee Hold the present feeling inside Make it Sway-aye-ay While you sigh I am the owner of my own Circumstance Destructive influence Is my own Demise I build environments Of irrational cognition Where, even inside fantasy I cannot survive So, in shallow Red Hill Valley Creek, I am wringing blistered hands Near the dark and echoing tin hollow Underneath the rushing traffic Where gang graffiti fills the cement walls My feet still ache from trying to find space, Somewhere in this crowded land I’ll force myself to let go And escape In one small empty place And practice mindful therapy I tell myself to just let be Come and Hold Me Wait. Come and hold me in your arms again Wait. Open up your heart and love again Don’t walk away now when I’m breaking down I’ve tried so very hard to come around I’ve cried all night so many times it’s true I’ve buried all my wounds so I could be with you I’ll try to lose my pride if you’ll stay for tonight Don’t want to disappear without you by my side You are not validated, now you feel betrayed I’ll open up to you, I just need to feel safe Wait. Come and hold me in your arms again Wait. Open up your heart and love again We’ve been through good and bad, despite who’s right or wrong (mirror/mirror) We’ve loved each other through such pain for much too long We hold each other’s cure for suffering I know I haven’t been forgiving Don’t walk away without remembering where you are You’re close to someone who’ll embrace you without harm Come hold me in your arms Wait. Come and hold me in your arms again Wait. Open up your heart and love again We’ve been through good and bad, despite who’s right or wrong (but then you said…!) We’ve loved each other through the hurt for much too long We’ve loved each other all along (Bridge) Connections I am so much a part of you And you me Together, I feel we can accomplish everything You are the first thing that I think of, When I rise You are the where my daydreams take me You take me with your eyes You have my complete and honest focus Which is awfully hard to gain You are the accomplishments of my undying love And my absolute best friend After lifetimes of individual suffering and struggles, Our bodies finally cracked, Once our souls broke free and connected On all levels, We joined, Becoming partners Like children, Resurrected You and I are living proof That this life is worth living We inspire the otherwise doubtful and careful With our divine connection and sense of being We are not one We know that We are true We are, together, Two We are interwoven with all elements, The universe and everything that is deeply beautiful Within the cycle We will, through change and crisis, Get hurt, Hurt each other But we will never be broken again We have already died to get here Our present focus, though shifty, is clear We’re getting stronger I love you beyond forever And after, My dear, sweet gift You are My soul-mate Again and again Without end, From your Aquamarine-eyed Aquarian And better places are with youMy love for you, my precious gift, Keeps hope in all my alleys When all this fear from thought distortion, Gang rapes every peaceful and assertive truth From this anxious mind’s impaired cognition, I drop lifeless, Asphyxiated, beaten blind from the fear of the unknown, That I conjure, So chaotic, Cycling in a coward cove, I force my eyes closed, like dropping guillotines, Shattering rationality, in a noose While bulging eyes break and shards are smashed, The swirling cold winds scream And tear my flesh with searing self-talk sarcasm I pray to God, in panic attack, Falling short of breath, on my whipped and welted back Slave to self-loathing I pray I pray I wish the struggle away I feel myself fade, Far away In a while, I feel peaceful I think of you Through all of my mind’s catastrophic disarray, It’s all that helps me through Sweet Princess Euphoria, Please wait for me I love you Baby Blue Eyes Have you ever seen Baby Blue’s eyes before? Have you ever heard neglected cries, beyond bedroom doors? Oh mother young, you’ve lost your way You’re left behind and have been led astray Hush now child Sorrow sighs You can’t say a word You can’t even express your fears But Baby Blue, Baby Blue, Wakes and wanes She cries real tears Tears of need Tears so blue, why can’t you see? Have you ever seen a losing streak come to an end? Have you ever given dreams a chance and started fresh again? You and he played your games and ignored all the risks Threw caution to the wind and rushed through every moment While the simple things, you missed But here you are, alone and clean, You barely have survived Your second chance to be someone, Without you, bleeds inside Baby Blue! Baby Blue wakes and wanes Baby blue, you are both starving and lonely Nobody’s come to help you But you do not ask You cannot give up now This mess you’ve fell into, You can’t leave behind There is someone more precious, Who unconditionally needs you Who suffers more than you The child of a child, Baby Blue She cries for you Do you know what to do? Can you make it alone Baby Blue? What Is There Left To Interpret? Interpret This! and Entertain That...!!! As I sit still and observe the artistry on stage at Massey Hall In a mystic haze of floodlight and of electronic resonation Vibrant in the captivated glowing eyes of pale-face followers Under musical sedation, between towering cathedral walls And stain glass, swaying to the cello bows so gently hypnotizing, I begin to feel as if I’m under post concussive state, A feeling of inadequacy forcing me to squirm, displaced A burning inflammation in this repetition whining And a wailing, like from spirits of the suffering sea, Of slain creatures screams washing over me, unsettling I can’t maintain a comfort, not at all, sinking in my theatre seat My mind begins to question every overwhelming stimulus Spinning in a psychological discomfort, restless Seeing such a repetition in this trendy audience Wearing masks of privilege and of upper class They’re all worn, from the first row to the very last What gives this quality to these pretenders? (To the gifted, golden spoon-fed scholar clones in cliques) Of identity in masquerade ballrooms to be Pristine intellectual interpreters and buyers at these artists’s auction, Selling something, once unique, now catchy and familiar, to critique? I suppose then, after all, on second thought, once more, again, I like it! For after all then, “It” or “They” have given me the freedom to decide it Where there is Solace in Avoidance and Escape When such steaming agitation burns my nerves And sirens scream through dark, dilation tunnels In the black-hole pupils of these eyes And I sink further, in this theatre absurd Beneath this foolish pale-mask-face That whispers shy soliloquy through plaster- Mouth to the imaginary audience of scrutiny At a souled out show, I've finally reached Capacity, as ears hear only ridicule- Laughter, as my life's become performance- Act, and I escape to calm, displaced dimensions, Worn out and listless from this paranoia That has howled in phantasmal storm winds Within my thundering mind, now swelling As if in a post-concussive state I now am forced to overmedicate From my reflexive conscious purgatory I, so blocked creatively, avoid and escape Copyright ©2002 Raymond John Scott When such steaming agitation burns my nerves And sirens scream through dilation tunnels In the black-hole pupils of these eyes And I sink further, in this theatre absurd Beneath this foolish pale-mask-face That whispers shy soliloquy through plaster- Mouth to the imaginary audience of scrutiny At a soul out show, I've finally reached Capacity I escape to calm, displaced dimensions, Worn out and listless from this paranoia That howled in phantasmal storm winds Within my thundering mind, now swelling As if in a post-concussive state I now am forced to overmedicate From my reflexive conscious purgatory I, so blocked creatively, escape What Is Within This Gentle Sigh? Ah, what is within this gentle sigh at dusk? That swiftly stirs up glitter out of soot And magic within dead leaf powdery rust Swept up from ash of yesterday, to swirl And dance in twilight gleam Through ubiquitous, glowing violet skies To shimmer in this autumn dream Wherein flows a somber, sleepy feeling As this sunset fades in drizzling distance, Drifting, Where I follow, wavering On the misty sea, of sailing consciousness Swaying to the slow, caressing brush Of bowing maple trees in weeping wind, Shivering, nearly leafless What are these deep and endless welling eyes Of turquoise still lamenting? As this new darkness washes over now, In waves of recurrence Where the season bids a soft adieu Under comatose, frosting over and forsaken Weeping glossy dew And here, prepared am I to rest another evening and rejuvenate to start anew While crows are cawing in the night of echoing black-holes and casting shadows in the moonbeam off of mountain walls A shutter fills my senses while the chill screams deep into my soul I walk out of where I sat, beneath the willow tree as heavy snow begins to fall Copyright ©2002 Raymond John Scott Staring into Puddles Staring into water-portraits of himself He cries in funhouse mirrored mimicry Living half the day away inside of fantasy He'll babble incoherent holophrase, amazed He studies his reflection in a muddy puddle Frozen catatonic, drenched in winter drizzle Welling teal tears flow, splash and ripple Stirring clouds to smother his warp-double Mood-swing-laughter projects from obsession He has died inside the animated film In this utter state of over stimulation He runs off to a new dimension, in a whim Playing hide and seek behind the coat rack Giggling while his withering guardian calls Lost in overcrowded shopping malls, He suffocates in panic, social phobia attacks He kicks his rain boots through the window In explosive rage and tantrum fuss And scatters to a million broken bits of dust After shattering the looking glass Copyright ©2002 Raymond John Scott Eric Keeps on Staring Staring into scattered portraits of himself, That's Eric, crying in the mirror of mimicry Living half the day away inside of fantasy He'll utter incoherent holophrase, amazed Acts of movie screen emotions mood swing As he'll laugh, then cry, performing In a puzzling drama, shockingly familiar To that rainy day dialogue with a mud-puddle Gazing into cracked and cloudy rear views As a client in his parent's car, he is amused Reciting lines, in syndication, from cartoons While entertaining playmates he can choose In many different copies, frames and outtakes In a glass-pane, pond or dream recital Fragments, from the person he portrays Uncertain in which one he will behave Eric plays back photos of some memory Someway saved as snapshots, cycling Watching closely, his reflections He glues together, surreal recollections The System “Every system is a sum of interchangeable parts” It’s Children Bothered, forced and beaten Broken, taken, homeless then hurt Scared, desperate, split up, angry and separated Twisting the sharp, jagged glass of anxiety and abuse deep into a predisposed opening of worthlessness, Inflicted Dragged down dirty, urine soaked hallways by a whelm of blue confusion And a damp, musty smell stirs up from the carpet being pounded out, By all the commotion Looking up, limp, dizzy and exhausted, after kicking at the shins of this oppressing force, “Ward”, Disoriented and breathless Agreeing to take the pill Powerless Closing off …And It’s Parents Denying Seeking empathy, and given pity Hard for them to be hated out loud because it’s not professional nor ethical, nor responsible, nor culturally, socially, or ethnically moral It’s a cycle; it’s a shame But someone must take blame! Lashing Selfish and senseless Inflicting, with injury and shattering hopes leaving syringe scars Chasing what should be nurtured and cherished, into dark, infested crawl spaces With bars To be crammed and crowded, Closing in with each new need unmet It’s a sickness, suffering …It’s clients Being abandoned, being shackled in restraints, helpless Being assessed, evaluated, counseled and classified, strictly confidentialized Being teased and bribed Becoming constantly defensive Naked and defenseless In need, yet defiant Falsely self-reliant …As It’s clients They cover right up They act aggressive to protect themselves from a world That seems to cave in around them A foothold that seems to sweep out from under them They’ve been dressed in the institution’s clothes And then the society tears them off When again time to switch houses They question They kick in walls They carve lines into their arms with compasses, already scarred They become oblivious to truth and innocence, Become less and less naïve They find pain as the only way to feel, to fit in, and to belong, Because it is all they know For it’s the only thing not ripped away! It’s almost momentary solace It’s comfort for a while It stays Amidst everything else weighing so heavily, that constantly rapes and betrays …It’s individuals, Disappearing and unheard Growing up, in all the wrong ways, all too fast But triggered into events long past Strangled by control Wards of society Bought and sold Constantly repressing needs, wants, emotions, personal goals Because of what early learning and painful observing has told Behold, What years and years of incongruity mold! …The Child and Youth Worker Coaching and telling Not listening Acting “The Professional,” “The Talker,” “The Counselor” Not “The Person” Always finding someone else willing to be, and whom they are, willing “To fix” Not “Being Helped” …The Student Unsure to raise a hand Unsure to test the new techniques He doesn’t know what on Earth to say Uneasy, worried, sleepless and sad Torn Who is he and what is he “Supposed to be?” Right in the middle of all this Unfortunate, short-circuiting want, expectation and need, Burning out while wondering if he should keep trying to keep speed In a crawl space, clawing Shrinking Wondering “Why is my father chasing after a PHD and not me?” March 28th, 2002 The System, Jist: You say, “Every system is a sum of interchangeable parts!” It’s Children: Are bothered, forced and beaten. They are broken, taken, homeless then hurt. They are scared, desperate, split up, angry and separated. They self-inflict the jagged glass of learned anxiety and abuse into a predisposition of worthlessness, twisting. When they cry out the only way they know how, they are immediately “held” in other words, dragged down dirty, urine soaked hallways by a whelm of blue confusion and a damp, musty smell stirs up from the carpet being pounded and stomped out by all the commotion. Looking up, limp, dizzy and exhausted, after kicking at the shins of this oppressing force, our “wards,” disoriented and breathless, comply and are administered “The Meds.” They close off further, finally, during late-night shift change, in their treatment center beds. …And It’s Parents: Despite what they may or may not have asked for, are given condescended empathy, and are given seminar for structure. They are text-book counseled because it’s not professional nor ethical, nor responsible, nor culturally, socially, or ethnically moral to become emotionally involved. There’s a cycle in there somewhere. “What a shame,” some say. As clients: abandoned, and helplessly shackled in purgatory restraints, they are assessed, evaluated, counseled and classified, under rigid confidential code. They are all teased and bribed with token and reward. They are set up with goals and action plans and, of course, consequences. They are naked and defenseless; in need, yet defiant and falsely self-reliant. They cover right up in a second hand wool blanket womb of developmental regression. They are our lambs. They act aggressive in crawl spaces to protect themselves from a world that seems to cave in around them. They’ve been dressed in the institution clothes and then the society tears them off when again time to switch “Homes.” They kick in walls and carve lines into their arms with compasses, already stained. They learn from each other how to take an inch and hoard a mile, forming antisocial affiliations; acting naïve with alternate motives while hiding agendas. They find deviance as the only way to feel, to fit in, and to belong, because it is all they know for it’s the only thing not ripped away by the law. It’s almost momentary solace. It’s comfort for a while It stays amidst a terrifyingly confusing world of sadness, false promises and surprise (or surprisingly predictable) abandonment. …The Child and Youth Workers: Coaching and telling but not listening. They act as “The Professional,” “The Talker,” “The Counselor” not “The Person.” They always project on someone else, the need to be, and who they are, willing “To fix” They are compulsive caregivers who are not “Helped” or “Helping.” …The Students: Unsure to raise a hand and intimidated out of “Technique.” They don’t know what on Earth to say when finally faced with crisis. Uneasy, worried, sleepless and sad, they become slowly detached. Who is the Individual? Who is he and what is he “supposed to be?” Right in the middle of all this most unfortunate, short-circuiting want, expectation and need, he is burning out while wondering if he should continue trying to keep speed in a crawl space, clawing, shrinking, wondering and desiring. Sculptor Woman Grieving Retired to her shrouded chamber, shuffling and listless Lady Languor’s anguished mind and naked body weeps Whimpering while she wilts and wrinkles, bored, bereft and loveless Seeping in a warm, milk-white lagoon of satin sheets Her soul, a bewailing Banshee, howls out the wide-screen window, Gale-storm grief through shivering white willows Heart lamenting, lulls, while sorrow pouts and sighs From a drained dry mouth and shuttering slit pearl dripping eyes Betwixt her soft, damp thighs and crimped bed dress, Squirming, squeezing, tightly absorbed, needing breakpoint soon She thirsts and licks her lips, wriggles’ round, Pressing a spine-curving thrust from bare backside and waist, To firm, and swelling arched out chest, Nipples nearly burning, that no sucking mouth will ever taste A moist and rosy crevice flumes, Displacement’s brief excreted rhapsody Fulfillment rushes, forced too soon Blushed buds in swampy shrub have burst to bloom, so free And flowery, for the final time, She pants and pours, breathing Misty mournful lilac last goodbye, Rippling sigh across her mattress, finally, waves of peace Through swaying sheers and brushed back blinds The whist of silence flowing Streams of shimmering starlight clustering, Sheen in her welling waxed and glazing eyes Sweet and soothing cries, Through pixy panpipe whirlwind blowing, Pirouette and ripple While sculptor’s fingers, stained and coated, gently feel The hollow in her dewy thicket closing Alone, she moans and curls in deep repression Carefully, cocooned nude silk flesh She’s wrapped up tight in a satin womb Waning ‘neath a pale, daub sheathed, skylight moon Given her total life to art, and having lost the burning kiln of passion Indeed, she suffers, listless, Oh, so far too soon Listlessness Lay Sleeping Raymond J. Scott Listless, Lady Languor sleeps Sinking slow in satin sheets She pouts and sighs a whimpering breeze, Through violet veils of lace, so misty And beams of moonlight pierce to trace Shadowy web-lines on her face Hushing whispers, through her window Spirits singing through white willows A whelm of light reflexive from the crystal clustering sky And cold air follows through her screen, Ruffling loose, discarded paper dreams Letters left by love, now lost, scattered, round her bedside Soon to swing, sway and brush, like branches rustling nerves To Sweep back dream sands, screen filtered flood-winds rush Like dust blown by panpipes weeping Magic, melodic and softly, cries heard seeping She gently strokes her own nude flesh She wraps up tight in a silk cocoon Dreaming ‘way what’s deeply repressed Slowly settling and shrinking, rolled up in regression’s womb And what is to be? Oh such wondrous wishes Sailing away, Unraveling, bending (Separate, folding seems), Folding diagonally Smoothing out in one wave Southeast to Northwest Carrying my thoughts across West Lake And what is to come? Of yearnings, longings Desires dawning Where will they go? Is it possible to know? And where will I be? On porches lamenting? On benches forsaken? Seeking shelter under crying skies? Where will I go? Will I chase the sails? Will I fade in the wake? Will I rest so weary? Or will I live for my sake? And what of my experiences Will they stay in my heart? Will they shine in my eyes? Will I feel them at night? When stars fill the skies? And what is to be? Of love, honesty and everything real That has happened to me, On the island that enables us to be, Completely, Who we both, forever need and want, To be Laughing Away His clown eyes are crying He spins on a round a bout Carnival crowd laughs away Caught in a funhouse mirror Fearing the Ferris-wheel Dreaming to escape every day Make-up runs down his face Tears blend in painted pools Shimmering in the moonlight, like jewels Candy floss clouds Sugar coating the promenade Beneath the mask he will fade (On the outside, laughing away) (Clown is laughing away…) Looking inside himself Hearing his inner voice Screaming for freedom of will Feeling Society Drowning him with their fears Sinking in shoes he can’t fill (And they are laughing away) (On the outside, laughing, laughing away..) (Ah, ah-ah, ah-ah) Juggling emotions and hiding in magic tricks Bending and twisting balloons Walking on stilts, over stepping relationships Hopes of retiring soon (Laughing away) (Laughing away-aye-ay-ay) (Ah-ah, ah-ah, ah-ah…) New Day Sway Come sway to a new day Breeze blows, you’re out there Follow where your love goes Sleeping ‘neath the willows Winds bending a wheat-field Waves of the blue sky Rays of golden sunlight Projecting hawk-wing shadows off the cloud-screen (Chorus) You’re still waiting for the wind Wild rose, imaginative You live in a dream Swaying in a new way Shimmering dew of morning, Glistening where you’ve gone astray True blue eyes are born today Teardrops may have fallen Somewhere in transition, Between twilight and dawn, From rain clouds, now they are gone (Chorus) You’re still waiting for the wind Wild rose, imaginative You live in a dream Laying on a lily Floating on a new day Swaying to the wind chimes Finding the way (Finding the way-eyaye) Floating on a lily The Barn Swallow With the snows, they melt in springtime rain Washing ‘way through meandering ravines, My dreams Spirit wind and piper’s call Ghostly gales will follow in the fall For now, I’ll find the sun (Chorus) Gliding through the daybreak hour Wallowing in a babbling brook, The swallow sings Fall asleep so silently Soothing sounds rustling through maple trees The forest sighs Running barefoot through the fields Floating freely, wings on the wind Take me, I am born again (Repeat Chorus) Gliding through the daybreak hour Wallowing in a babbling brook The swallow sings Completely When I am thinking at your side, When I am sleeping in your bed, When I am crying in your arms, I need you When I am in line next to you, When I am watching you with kids, When I am seeing you love life, I am learning I’m completely in love with you I’m completely in love with you When I am watching people love you, When I am laughing at your moods, When you help me feel myself, You amaze me When I’m scared that you’re frustrated, When I am listening to your message, When I’m dreaming of you all night long, I long for you I’m completely in love with you I’m completely in love with you Paths may change from day to day You and I will take the better, gentler way When I am looking to the future, frantic When I’m dealing with the past and struggling, When I’m handling the present, softly, slowly, you are in it When I feel everybody’s comfort, When I’m with you back at home, When it finally feels like family should, I know I’m not alone I’m completely in love with you I am complete when you kiss me I am complete when you call my name I am complete when our eyes meet I’m complete now, there is somewhere to come home to stay July is Lost Staying, through dawn’s tranquility Swaying, Wind whistling through the reeds Feelings, Sorrow sighs through the heath PLEASE! Please reveal yourself! Spirit, you are free! (Harmonica) Crying – Mourning thee forgone Withering – Daffodils gather frost, July is lost (ooh-ooh, ooh) Shed a tear (ooh-ooh, ooh) She disappears Lilies, and neon roses Silently, Fading row by row Dissolve, Memories kept in a vase, no longer glow After dawn’s dewy gardens, in soft, summer daybreaks, No longer grow, There lies the heavy weight of lament, Like layers of ice on northern rivers, That freezes their flow Now – She follows In winter wailing Here – She expires When gales blow Evening OPUS First, the eyelid of dusk flutters Flashing beams through water-colour clouds, While a monarch wavers in and out of shade The end of day projects through stain glass And Venetian blinds shutter Then it closes Slowly, flushing out the dust of day In the rising tide, shark fin white caps roll, Then fold, crashing into the beach, Washing sand castles away, Leaving filmy foam All that is evening scatters Like eroded gemstone, shale and pebble Crystal fragments, shattered, reflect the moon-glow Crickets creek while calm settles Next, consciousness, reality, elude me, slipping, sliding into a shrinking wave Aging, the morning slumbers Colder winds rush in, like daylight’s requiem and summer’s swan song Sounds, once sweet and somber, oscillate In restlessness From shadows, emerge the howls of sorrow The shutter re-opens Only to absolve the blackness Thunder and lightning blast In humidity, Hail clouds swell and in the gaping mouth of Hell Warf-rats panic, shriek and hiss At the beacon tower toll bell, And night’s light switch In a frenzied flurry, fish dive and scurry Gulls shrill like sirens, and hurry While the craven crow in cavern quakes, Nervously cawing, for a scant, then escapes, The phantasm flies like a falcon; keen eye of the storm, a hunter Cornering me in a quarry Crippled by laziness and doubt, I am his prey Through barriers and bounds The lighthouse beam is blinding Terror to the eagle, whos’ talons scratch and spark across the hilltops, then he even falters, falls and then, takes refuge In the hollowed hush of a gully, Where now, such peace is found, In the wake of reoccurrence Maple leaves fall to the ground Now, glitter is glimmering And dewdrops are dripping The wind spirit sighs, her soft breath glides Whirls of cool lake mists whisk away the masts of dream Through worlds where the sun has long since set, Frozen are the moon and stars After the glowing twilight haze and northern lights, Indigo sky did fade And now, Yesterday, in sleep, She sways The Electric Ghost of Lady Violet In the middle of the night, (middle of the night) where it’s so cold outside The moon glow wanes but in flickering resurrection, like flashing candle light projection, She’s a beacon through the smoke clouds of my minds’ corrupted eyesight Through weeping stardust, whispering (whispering wind) Wet flowing breeze of goodnight to blow out the shivering wick The misty wind so mellow (mellow) The willow trees sway, sighing branches scratch the wires like the bow across the cellos The waves of Lady Violet The Power of Lady Violet It’s all that I must know Where is Lady Violet? Where has she gone? She calls for me when I fall deep into an autumn full moon sleep I feel her spirit come to me. Her presence, blinding, prevents any visions of the angels I must see I feel the touch of Lady Violet burning right through me The hand of Lady Violet Deeply, Lady Violet Ohh ohhhh oooooh repeat chorus Illusions of Ray Scott Am I projecting your illusion as you smile and saunter by? Am I self-subjecting to a second-hand smoke, clouding up my eyes? I am nervous. I’m delighted and surprised when you appear I’m tied in knots and clumsy, then, caught fumbling in fear For when you look in my direction I feel butterflies Fooling, for a moments’ millionth, as you smile, my own vacillating mind I simply can’t remember when I’ve felt this way before Even if this image is just only what I burn for When all the while, all those looks, were looks and nothing more And for the past few tears, I’ve sighed, from time to time to time This reoccurring dream of you, have I merely dreamt it All to cherish and adore, but cling to, yearn for, lose each time that I explore? I will catch you when you fall Oh Princess, Taylor-Rae Your daddy loves you more each day And I know, it won’t be long before I hold you in my arms As you breathe each breath of life, I will hold you to my heart And when you cry, I’ll sing this song, to softly soothe you till your tears are gone When you dream, just dream away Don’t let life stop you any day And if you walk before you crawl, I will catch you when you fall. I will catch you when you fall Oh when you open up those eyes, you will see me start to cry The tears that fall, they’re pure and true, because forever I will love you I’ll keep you warm when you get cold I’m your daddy, heart and soul And when you’re frightened late at night, I’ll be right there, I am your nightlight And when you dream, just dream away Don’t let life stop you any day And if you walk before you crawl, I will catch you when you fall I will catch you when you fall I will catch you when you fall Blessings, 2010 Angels in the world with big blue dreaming eyes You’re the meaning in my sunrise Curious young minds searching for your place Growing at a pace much to my surprise I can’t keep you here for long. Soon you’ll both be gone I won’t cry cause I’ll have to carry on Always on my mind. Forever in my heart Your smiles shine a light on me when all else seems so dark My worries are for you, They’re hard to hide it’s true Wanting all the very best the world has left for you is what I do And I know of the great fear. It makes the weak disappear Don’t be paralyzed in turmoil of this grand theatre absurd Now I’ll help you to believe. Hold your hands while you succeed Do my very best to show you that I can brave While you’re away you both must know that my heart will not let go To my little angels always on my mind In a million lives of suffering I will hear my angels singing And they help me to believe the good in them is still in me I know our time is short. Mystery lies ahead One day you’ll both hit the open road The mountains you will climb, it all builds a sense of pride Weakens in the storms when it’s time to fly, direction known I’ll do my best for both of you. To help you find the bluer sky For when it’s time for you to say goodbye, I won’t cry Edit of an Alleyway Letters From The Alleyways and Postcards From the Edge: ...2007 ///there is a vast, autumn sunset in your smoldering eyes and a curiosity in me that seems to flow forever, like the tide slowly and calmly rolling out to sea// you seem to silently whisper to me, a scream that fills my soul with warmth and excitement/// you reflect the sheen of the stars in the clear summer night sky....... "don't pass me by" I drop in the sands, I crawl, I sink I cry..."Don’t Pass ME By" ///to meet with you, one night, under the sky of clouds and jewels, I’d swim toward your eyes, I would hold you in the moonlight// and whisper dear "you're magic"// while the glittering lake wind sighs... ..........dancing visions......... lucid dreams, placid feelings, floating streams (of consciousness and joyous bliss) spin pirouettes in the shoreline kiss... the wind reminds me of my ballerina, for I sigh, alone and reminisce. She was a sighing autumn wish... .....(Her Royal chariot awaits) ............ I somehow agree, almost without thinking, there's a feeling of space and room and air and magic, forests, rivers, sky (you know when you actually hold someone and it feels magical and breathtaking), wonderful…? You are an angel! I am having visions of you floating across the starlit sky, with the full white moon, glowing like a milky lagoon behind you... //I believe that I need comfort, intrigue, respect, love, passion, inspiration and compassion, from a mature and smooth woman of weeping aurora dust and starlight// //let me bow for you, and take your hand in the misty dawn, uncovering forests sighing evergreen in spirit wind of unity. Allow me to flow along with you in rivers of calm blue patience while we’re unwrinkled in the roughest waves of time that fold n’ flow between us. Gently, lips move closer, beating hearts and warm wet kisses of newness and good fortune light our minds and bodies full of bliss while we make love, spiritually, intellectually and madly, like young fools in the vastness of forever's blue-green ocean// ...reach for me like I do you and you'll be truly crowned my queen, royal blue... //how does one express a gratitude for such an experience; for the miraculous, wondrous experience of basking in the glow of your smile?... you shine like a sky; clear and endless. Your warm, kind smile flows through me, bringing calmness that I wish to bathe in forever (or at least until 5 o’clock) //you are a gem in a sea of rubble and ash. You shine to me and you’ve been reaching to me for so long and I to you, like a red giant sun through a galaxy of stars that glimmer for eternity in your reflection and I feel guilty for wanting what they have; what makes them live within the perfect kindness and creation within your eyes// ...you are profoundly attractive and I have been physically and mentally captivated; frozen in pleasure’s calm silence while wondering if we'll ever become any closer than now... the interval between us is like oceans and the waves are rocking me back into disaster's brutal typhooning reality... … a dark, soft magic seems to underlie your mysticism... your face, so sweetly acknowledges me...(my heart and mind) with gentle feelings; flowing like a brook, calmly carrying my soul, securely now ........ A fiery look in you I see. It’s so intriguing, so appealing to me. Your Spanish ember-eyes and your flame of hair flow with scaling perfume gusts from your lilac sighing full bloom rose petal lips in a whirlwind of magic, a breeze full of heat, both burning and tickling me off of my feat I’m bewildered in your brilliant light, warmed by your fire and curious to know more, eager to explore but shy and careful to touch. How I want and fear so much ............./// I’m dancing pirouettes round whirling sparks from snapping scented pine sticks just to carefully, quest and gaze upon thee........... /// You seem both delicate and confident,,,, you are a pretty and shining gem: ///////I daydream of you gracefully turning in a twilight dusk, in the afterglow of the day, silhouetted by the dusty cough of fading sunlight, you toss your hair, round your neck while a whisper of wind sends silent shivers of spiritual lightning across the sea, calling, calling my name in this dream where I rest calmly, now, within this crowded, musty tavern room............. ...I’m now enchanted as well; by your smile and by your eyes, your skin and your hair which appears to reflect your self description and your presentation in perfect balance and beauty// ...shall I delicately reach to you like a rose up to the sun? Shall I slowly and so sweetly warm you with my breaths, quiet sighs in your ear? Should I wax you an intriguing insight of verse or stare deep into your deep blue eyes, while you-me, we're unearthed? Should I dance close against you, one beat from two chests while you help me to find once again who I am... will this be enough to bring spark to your wick? Is it one simple twitch from a moment that extinguishes? Or is it eternal, what you burn for inside? If this is so, if you're warming, look deep in my eyes. There is question and mystery so many windy lagoons of curiosity and ubiquitous diamond night skies of journeys to answer for we both call like a loon in an echoing bay to the spirits of this circle while we ripple and sway/// ... if I were an ocean and you the shore I would carefully caress you with my massaging wave ‘neath the glimmer of night, crystal clear in the full moon, I would slide to you, calmly while white sands erode. I would cradle you, kiss you and sing while you sleep like a flower, curled up and nude yet secure, so soft /// the words you wax melt o’r me like the warm lake water under a full moon on the smooth sandy shore. My soul; ebbs and flows while reading your caption... now I gaze at your smile; captured, calmly in your attraction.... I found you by chance, while searching for something else. The wildfire in you screams a scorch. Let me know if you can find your balance and if it’s truly calming within what's tame. Is it reaching refuge in the stillness of my deep, cool, aquamarine smoked-out, waning eyes ................///Raymond John Scott, 2007........../// Raining on Wednesday, at Second Cup made still, by this shower of cold, murky rain; frozen layers of waning moon-wax teardrops Quickening with my shivering curiosity; in revolving rooms of predictions' labyrinths’’, meandering thoughts, like crooked curbside streams that wash down somber avenue and drain at the foggy intersection. What will you look like in the end? While I gaze round rugged ledges and icy stone gray edges and come again; dragging myself back to here It’s raining on Wednesday Still I’m wondering when this strange new butterfly will gently flutter through a bluer sky and send a softer serenade of certain sun my way Emmie, You n’ Me; …A’ blowin’ gazillion bubbles with the geese Tug boat tag, n’ splash pad playtime in the Hamilton harbour August breeze Infectious laughter while I push you on the swings Reminders of the billion joys my precious child brings We’ll rescue hello kitty from the monster ‘neathe the swirly slide Baby polar bear come n’ snuggle at my side And we’ll bake our whatever’s left in the cupboard, crazy concoction – oatmeal chocolate chip, peanut butter honey bran corn-flour cookies, You N’ Me And you can lick the batter off the spoon When I try to sneak some pre-work sleep, You’ll bounce n’ belly whopper me 1,2,3… bums aweeeee!’ My sweet darlin’ Emmerie: The more time we have, the more I miss you when it’s time to leave I can hardly bare I get so sad, lost n’ lonely and you’re on my mind everywhere Runnin’ in flip flops ‘cross the fields with wind in hair, so wavy n’ fair Or carrying you n’ all your clips, n’ bands n’ stuffies to the van When your feet are sore, or your just missing Dad; holding your soft, little angel hand Dad gets sad from time to time So much to do, and those mistakes, yet still, I try n’ try n’ try. Seeing you smile in the sun n’ Playin’ with you is rejuvenating, imaginative innocent, pure fun I miss the way you look to me, adoring, you’re so sensitive n’ sweet In everyway, growing more each day; while your essence glows, in rosie chipmunk cheeks I love you Emmie; dearly and I hate to let you go I’ll see you very soon, my sweetie, this is not a lie Prepare yourself while Daddy rests up for more “Knee-Knee Rides” All intentions to come through are real and always true My heart and soul and all my thoughts are filled with love forever for you Something that with certainty you will soon by your own way come to know Yes , Your eyes are that colour indeed: ….an endless, ocean of brilliant, ubiquitous, azure drifting sparkling green and blue they are... deep and compelling... shining, pure and swelling, forever telling, into them, I am, fearlessly following, intrigued and questioning, patiently in stillness, listening...with each wave of consciousness that washes o’er me, ever gently smoothly soothing Beams the heavens’ sun through floating clouds of white that shadows chase where I am flowing, rowing this raft, woes deserted, now just simply breathing as the flashing light reveals. You’re an angel of reassurance and your smile is the strong light honing Or is that merely a melting glacier, reflecting all that surfaces then sleeps across the sandy shoreline of your sigh? An ancient lost explorers’ lifetime fortune, a priceless antique treasure, lost at sea to journey into, bravely and yet, inexplicably foolishly For finally, when I’ve crashed abruptly on dry lands’ mudslide escalator all eroding, I will break down, crying out, collapsing; What’s this, an anchor of Egyptian jewels I cling to, manipulations mirage in an empty, endless, burning desert? Or, have I finally found what all mariners have been searching for; the island far away… the key to set our souls and our dead albatrosses free? Is this a rescue mission for you or me? Yes, your eyes are powerful n’ wondrous, deeply calming, calmly drowning -all of that …I am still strangely and yet certain that I passionately feel, Indeed For My 9-Year-Old Daughter on Her First Day Back At School, It’s your first day back at school, sweet Taylor-Rae Morgan Scott My thoughts are with you all day long, hoping and praying you’ll give this your most confident, courageous shot. I feel the fears you hold But my mind hangs onto you, securely I love you very much And hopefully, knowing that comes surely, when you feel you can’t be strong Be your wonderful, talented, brilliant self, my dear beautiful, amazing daughter Form the habit that can never break, no matter what stands in your way or is a bother Be you and no one else For you will not, cannot ever, never, ever stray, in anyway. You won’t go wrong Please, always remember, even during toughest times Where rain skies pour n’ others tell you there’s no hope or sunshine You’ve got your family and your Fathers’ love to hold you closely and support you, wherever you are, forever, all along Miracle Bird on Rainbow Lake When you feel the light of a star advance, on your eyes, from the clear-night Simcoe sky, your mind’s in a dance, With your dreams, coming true, waltzing cool waves, soft sands Rainbow Lake, Trillium campers, hand in hand once again Gliding gull, oversees all the miracles, so true Our canoes ‘cross the shores’ tribulations gone through If you can, close your eyes, stand still n’ breath for a moment or two Wait n’ see. You’ll reflect what is shining on you Campfire-light, dazzling while all of Waterford hears Goodnight songs; sing-alongs, echoing throughout the years ‘Resonates in the glow of late August embers, Children, once lost, we’ve now brought back, ‘shed some tears Time to Remember While the wounds of hardships turn to sailboats n’ kayaks of the gifted Swimmers; splashing and diving n’ sharing Spirits lifted. The now, not the past is what brings us all together Place a flower in the glass, plant a memory to last To live forever I was so mesmerized by the children laughing n’ smiling We were all the same age, only treatment’s loving and living Brought a tear to my eye, knowing all in our lives we must go through In that moment or two, while the gull strangely flew Over Rainbow Lake Then I started singin’ again No fears, out loud, cuz’ I was surrounded by talented, miracle-bird special friends On Rainbow Lake Dr. Garach and Clinic - The Maestros of Family Dentistry Dr. Garach. Dr. Garach... the Mozart of Family Dentistry; with his chiming scaling tools; Playing my xylophone teeth like the nacht musique! Flossing’ string Vivaldi virtuosos are your experienced hygienists; Fluoride flavours scale and strike chords on my senses, like Four Seasons on my gums n’ rosy tongue buds. And even with electric polish tools, they’re all so calm with gentle care. And kind to children, they are so attentive and empathetically aware My young Emmie loves to blast off, with her space shades on while captaining the rocket chair. She lets us take some toothbrushes and extra stickers home to share! Such supportive, skilled and gentle staff; a pleasure when we come, and we just can't get be there enough! We are surprised when such a painless stay, so quickly is all done! Dr. Garach, Dr. Garach; the maestro of the rhythmic, oral orchestra’s got all of dentistry a’ singin,’ chatterin,’ even grindin,’ all are grinning! Families, for their first time, walk in; slobberin’ and whinin’ N’ after all the pickin’ scalin, spitting n’ rinsing, leave soothed, sparkly n’ smiling! All the “wisdom” that you give for proper, healthy oral practice... …thanks for “filling” us all in! We’re so excited to race home with purple kangaroo toothbrushes in our hands To hop up at the bathroom sink, with grins from ear to ear N’ brush with watermelon toothpaste; tuff for tartar to appear! But on our way out of your office door, there is one thing reception must make clear Oopsie, that’s the difference on my bill! Oh well. It’s okay! It's been more than worth it! For you all have turned my little daughters’ shrills n’ fears into one big, twenty tooth shiny-smile, sparkling, happy thrill! I hope we fit the “mould” at our appointment with you all When pearly whites are x-rayed, are we worthy of a “plaque” upon your wall! Dr. Garach. Dr. Garach, The dentist we adore Thanks to you, for our next snack, we’ll munch away on Macintosh n’ Granny Smith with mulching molars to our hearts’ content. Reminded from our happy, healthy full-mouths that our time n’ money is well spent While we’re still a'swayin’ from your tools a’resonatin' chiming’ scales n’ Four Season, Vivaldi Scores Refreshed from floss-string plucking harp angels of dentistry we’ll be a’ singin “tafe’ tiffy taye” and whistlin’ while we skip right past the candy store! I Ride My Bike! Gotta’ Problem With That! Oh Hi! I’m Elroy, n’ I’m gonna’ sing you all a very special song About a very special relationship I have Not with a girl But with my one twue love… My Bike! One sunny morn where all the word’s asleep I open up my shed when mom n’ dad are still n bed I slide the mower aside, so I can pump my tires On my mushroom grip Freestyle “Norco Spitfire” I crank up the seat so the bars don’t knock my scabby knees that I use to lock the wheel ‘tween me, n’ align the gooseneck while I squeeze And I polish my chrome rims, n’ oil my silvery chain Give the bear-claw peddles toe-tap spins Then strap my aerodynamic CHIPS helmet to my chin while hollerin’ “BMX Racers! Take your positions!” I ride my bike (Gotta’ problem with that!) I ride my bike (Gotta’ problem w’dat?) I ride my bike – da dum dum, all through the day! I race through the mud n’ get my Osh Bee Gosh jean overalls all wet And I am flyin’ like the “G-Force Jet” n’ It looks like I just peed against the wind I endo off the curb, oh no! Not supposed to be a ramp! Tally ho! So good, so far Just used it as a launch, to blast me into orbit or was that Cherrie drive ash fault? Now all I see is stars! Road hockey boys! Take me home! N’ mom can get me all stitched up! I’ve fallen o’er the handle bars; my lip will have a real big scar But when I’m set free from emergency I’ll fix my warped rim, hop right back on and cry out, “No one stops my bike and me!” I don’t use the seat! That way I get more speed The chain catches on me, n’ tears my pants while I lock n’ sprain my knee There’s Duncan, Vanyo n’ Janzen - his toys, Slap-shot Bradnam, Pearson, good defense boys! Road hockey out on Cindy halts abruptly, In flies 29 Abraham Drive’s Elroy Knievel The human Zamboni! That’s two straight days they’ll have to scrape up Poor ol’ Elroy! Holy Moly! No, my lopsided, scratched up face won’t slow me Nor’ will mom who’ll soon ground me I’ll still race right out, n’ cut the lawn, n do the trim, n’ wash the car, n’ gather up allowance to buy a brand new bike for me! I will reminisce of those dear days and evening rides Where I’d grab my good ol’ mushroom grips n’ cruise till it’s too dark to see! But I hop on my new shiny hog, n’ I ride and ride and ride all day! Soon, the streetlights all come on, so I must put my brand new bike away take Wayne n’ Mario n’ Lafontaine out from my spokes n’ I change into my Bo n’ Luke p.js And all I seem to dream of is all the autumn leaves of, past rides; scatterin’ in my zippin’ breeze And I’ll wake soon tomorrow, shed a tear for Norco, While I whiz n’ whir on my brand new P.K Ripper, Custom Freestyle Full head o’ steam! I ride my bike (gotta’ problem w’dat?) I ride my bike (you’re on the football team!) I ride my bike All through the day! Nice Chevette buddy! Ole! When one is degraded, one is receiving the D grade. When one agrees, one is receiving the A grade. Who is doing the grading? It is impossible to behave adaptively or maladaptively, as the essence of the word BEHAVE is to have being but that is insubordination, being in a nation of sub-ordinates...sub / ordinary-ites...the graded and degraded... the agreers the BETOLD. Rolling out the glittering beach of pleasant dream dust, gently blowing Off the Caribbean with a giant heavens’ sigh of aquamarine, nebulae in the wind of the Sea; calmly calling…desires Truly… On a cloud of weightless, snowy white A ….secure blanket Standing nude… N’ open to the universe, to this world Feeling it Truly Flowing….can I call You? On the mountains peek Are you calling out? With your body Free Naked Your soul Melting all anxieties away…rolling down like meandering, steamy glacier waters Some turning to vapors and flowing…. Far - for many miles … away…??? Into the evergreen n’ rivers of relaxations state Replenishing the land, the forests, the Earth and you; Flourishing, growing freely – Thinking – peacefully - breathing, giving out / feeling??? Oxygen, Yes, Freely For the Sake of Goodness Winter winds are calling me like the dry whisper of a seducing ghost She is taking me away and I can’t say no The trance-like state sets in all around in her sigh of heavy gray Through smoky tops of wartime houses’ chimneys And the dreary drafts through old brick air cracks And then, In the crescendo of her echoing beckon cry, I’m left alone and falling, like the leaves; all dead kites that broke away from brittle string-like branches While the eagle’s talons explode off the cold stone frost escarpment cliffs T’ward new fields he’ll soon soar over; hunting prey through dry wheat n’ corn maze My mind and soul is taken to the far off azure world While this body’s covered in the dusty, dried and burnt up scraps of ended seasons’ smolder Everything is suddenly so much older The sun sets Our dreams together end There is no more hand in hand For you and I again Where we once planted in the garden; laughing childlike, playing Wearing each others’ rings Now, everything is wilted, all that was once standing In the imminence of winter, sinking We will wash out in the snow of dawn, in separate ways we’ll go Though I still wonder what it may be when you’re all alone, in bed, not sleeping If there’s any special memory still on your mind and in your heart Of you and I, You’re still forever keeping\ For the sake of goodness And I hope it’s reassuring And a comfort till you’re safely, calmly sleeping Diseased by Passion It feels like this moon is pulling me closer But so is obligation There’s a crystal sky shimmering A shrine! A force field’s shielding it in heaven So close, and then, so far A breaking, burning star…dream dream, wish wish The need screams deep inside me This burning feeling in my veins, it’s passion Never the time and always a burden / circumstance Controlled by the gifts’ obsessions / what’s bound these hands? Always the calm sea to sail in / it’s pulling me When limbs must endlessly swim It feels like I’m getting pulled in more each day Just before I’m torn and turned another way I’m frantically at war against the drone I’m fading and alone Diseased with passion Diseased by passion Diseased because of passion I don’t ever want to change I am suffering in change / chains Dreams – dreams Promethean dreams All passion Broken biography moon-dreams Gets Clouded and chaotic Electrical mind-storms Controlling my dreams Controlling my dreams Condemned with the aging and nostalgic All had so much passion One thing occurred to me at three am last night in bed So many years ago what my fathers’ song said still plays over in my head yesterday the road was paved with good intentions so it seemed now the distance grows and I’m not a man and I’m losing so much sleep on this long, rough e-road at times, I feel so alone No longer a child, I understand Afraid still, to be more a man For I’m no longer sure there’s such a thing The bridge cross Welland Canal, it’s tipping / teetering Like a scale where I’m stalling It’s not a playground or a bush-party anymore, over there on the other-side I’m parked on the lift bridge where I’m staring t’ward Niagara and sinking While the ships come in And the locks close up Where the walls break ‘way And to memory’s grape vine I’m clinging On this e-road, life-lasting Afraid on one hand, to be a man Turn the key to the cooled engine, then shift gear, with the dominant hand The gates will open On the Canal The locks will discharge The moan, cracks the ice And there’s thunder and waning In echoes and floodgates Along the canal And as far as reassurance goes: For years, suppose, my personal path to happiness, has put up its own road blocks / there’s construction still It’s true though, that I will allow this e-road to be gridlocked and sometimes closed off by some adults, family, former friends their doubts and fears had redirect affect, n’ some have misled, even handicapped much younger, foolish, dreaming me One thing still on my mind, has always been, weighs so heavily Reoccurring in a walking dream What father idol, mentor always said to me, it clipped my wings, like jealousy Even on the phone, from Hamilton, Halifax, eagle bay or Calgary His advice still cuts right through me It shrills in doubts n’ I can’t break free He’d always say, well son, parts of that are ok at best and I hope at best it makes you at least feel good as a hobby but you could also play the lottery Not ever once do I remember hearing from him or his ex-wife, mother dear, anxiety to me, you see, Good job to you, my gifted son, you’re essence sets you free so dream and dream and you, you’ll always for forever be! At thirty-six years old, with children of my own While I’m living all alone Once again, a victim and a participant in another ended marriage and broken home I’m still stalling every now n’ then, on the long n’ rough e-road And perhaps, still, over thinking, dreaming, yurning, wishing There was more certainty and security and guidance on the paths along these I’m always driving No good for you When it came to my dreams Now I’m still singin’ Thursday blue Will you remember me at all? There’s a silver flair of hope in your brilliant, eyes n’ dreaming smile When the moon is on the rise And you capture me right there When time seems like it’s stopped, how so, we are delighted to not care While I’m intrigued, captivated and compelled to carry you ‘cross burning deserts, lava-fire seas, rubble from collapsing massive towers, at the center of our sacred cities, all that stands to stop us; tear our wills with hate and lies through minefields of hatred n’ intolerance and crashing jets from terrorism’s kidnapped skies, and quarrelling religious schismatic schizoids, n’war-stricken sects, n’ love forbidden poor lost fools who would rather die to kill than live to compromise at best so many of those sad, sensational, terrifying tabloid line ups for addictions’ news Amidst all that’s mad, toxic, n’ sickening Even shipwrecked on an island, I must hold you, anywhere And all the spirits in the night Lead us to a secret place Where there’s release within the wind And we’ll slowly start to cry We’ll make love on our calm bay While the worlds’ so far away We have found ourselves, at last, in harmlessness embrace There’s a pain from letting go An ache in holding on Where memories gently flow The good still carry us along The heroes take the unknown paths, Many horrifying tasks When clouds of darkness fall Love is built; twin tower tall If I’ve forgotten who I was Or not sure what I’ve become There’s forgiveness, hope and love There’s shooting star-dreams, and tomorrow There’s a reflection beaming off the lighthouse, from the new days’ rising sun Where I hold you, far away, and also here, this way Where we both feel free and safe Do we keep our love away from them all? (The fighters, leaders, the fear lords n’ cowards n’ all around suffering, sad shufflers n’ losers of far too much of it all) Or do we fight the fighters to teach and share so much more of it all? Not a loner by choice All we need is a chance All we want is some love All we need is some air To breathe on our own All we have is ourselves n’ the fix And all we’ve got is the cold n’ survival skills Out here on the streets We’ve got to just get on It’s not food that we need Nor a hostile, to take refuge, nor food It’s an angry, awful maze We’re clawin’ the walls of while we steal n’ run ‘round in scracthin’ up our veins As we steal to survive Take a deep hoot on our pipe Keepin’ ourselves wide awake, still alive Numbed in the darkness, let our fix come in One day at a time’s not a’ phrase we live by This world is so cruel Can I get few bucks n’ some clean socks outta’ you! Some hydrogen peroxide’ll clean the dirty scabs outta’ my arm, N’ wash the sting from my skin Let me get a hoot in Not a loner by choice Not a stat on your streets Not a loser with no voice Not an addict in need Where is the land of opportunity? Aye yeah. I’m almost gone. I can’t go on without some hope that something good happen to me. All we need is some life, To happen to us for a while When you’re makin’ other plans Like John Lennon sang To his beautiful boy Not a loner, by choice Not a loser with no voice Not a loner Not a loner Mirror / Mirror You’re my complementary repression You’re my unconscious obsession So you’ve opened up my childhood wounds Bu the challenge to change my life for better starts and ends with you With one foot in romantic love And the other planted, digging in the power struggle It’s a wonder we’re still here With the turmoil that we always juggle I know that I will never grow If I can’t put together effort that your blueprints show I know it’s time to heal the wounds And I’m ready love, to heal with you Deep inside my soul it cries It bleeds through this guitar at night All along I’ve known that you Are still the one who I am drawn to Like to ocean to the sky Mirror / Mirror You reflect me and I reflect You Let Me Just Hold You Let me just stand here, mesmerized For just one moment, still A few steps back from life, on windy edge Before this floating feeling fades Until this empty, quiet space Becomes more forced and filled Let me settle in this place for now While rattling flasks and clanging glasses Pass from shaking hands to frowning mouths And feel your smile sailing through their crowd, Of clouded heads and babbling incoherence; Unwavering in my emerald eyes’ unblinking beacon path Shining bright on everything That makes you truly different Let me hold you gently in my daydream For this borrowed instant While I forget that the Earth must run in circles, swirling Let me call your name out countless times In one minute of eternity Before you’re swept away again within the theatre absurd Our spinning world Let me just hold you Let me just hold you I’m asking you the same If our love is not fading Has it already died? Only our hearts know the answer Has the feeling left inside? We used to share a vision Was it just a mirage? And we used to talk for hours Was it only a façade? Before, we would hold each other closely Never to feel alone Now we hold onto fear and anger Struggling to be let go You’re asking who you are to me I’m asking you the same You ask me who I am now You say that I have changed Well I haven’t got the answer Although, nothing feels the same and I don’t know who to truly blame We used to bring each other Something more to love If there’s nothing left worth saving Is this farewell love, for us? Before, we would hold each other closely Never to feel alone Now we hold on to fear and sadness Struggling to be let go You’re asking who you are to me I’m asking you the same You’re asking who I am again I’m asking you the same I’m asking you the same Cry of the loon Cry of the loon Echoin’ ‘cross the bay—ee—yeah Frustrated man Getting’ away Watch him work, through the week Till he’s dead on his feet See him crawl, through the door Then he falls on the floor Cry of the loon Shrills right across the lay—hee yeah ache! Down on the docks, Getting away Hear him speak of the things He did spake Yesterday Watch the indifferent faces Turn to clay Hey—hee yeah, aye! Cry of the loon Shutterin’ ‘cross the bay—ee—yeah Hard workin’ man Getting’ away N’ he dreams every week Of his Huntsville retreat Or Honey Harbour, all day Fishin’ on Georgian bay! Underneath Fridays’ moon Calls the cry of the loon! Cry of the loon Echoin’ ‘cross the northern bay One tired man, Fading away Fading away Fading away Fadin’ awayeeeaye…. My Ol’ Sweet, Tangy Lunch This Tupperware Kraft Dinner’s getting’ kinda’ old It’s been in this fridge a few damn weeks But I don’t see any mould Just pepper flakes n’ sticky, gunky clumps: just the cheesy, milky sauce, I hope Ahhh, Frig… ‘still cold! I throw in some more water, oil n’ margarine mix and fry it on the stove. The Eyes of Jade Eyes of Jade, in masquerade In shadows, she hides Drowning in demise She’s bound by sterling strands Sinks in silver sands Her noose of pearls; wraps tight Her smiling eyes in minds’ ballrooms; crack her tightly maked-up face Cubic zirconium She’s a broken and tarnished imitation jewel, she’s been told By those nearest, for way too long That notion was so forcibly sold To be held though, the concept she can’t hold She slams her eyes shut to everyones’ appraisal Like guillotines, that then, will shatter In the window shopping box, she is a painted mime Boot-Strap Grandma’s locket lies across her chest She wears it still, to not forget Kingdoms crash while legacies last A bride of her own fear, she weds to disappear She’s dressed so indiscreetly and smothered in silk, completely Eyes of Jade, in masquerade Swaying sound so slow Like Stradivarius n’ bow Her violin of sadness shows Memories in her mind N’ her body smoothly flows Now she starts to cry Eyes closed in possessions’ shrine Eyes of Jade A face throws out distaste Among the walking city maze The cosmopolites n’ metrozites are full o’ spit of spite Her makeup can’t erase She smiles along their way While plastered pale in vanities geisha jail Inept inside this purgatory; killing all with phony kindness There is nowhere she can truly hide in this nasty state of big city sublime-ness Exits stage left for the sunset As lake and sky reflect She wonders where her mind is Uncertain to the heaven’s she’ll confess While she looks down on New York From Lady Liberty She feels the backdrop glow cast on this aging statue silhouette Solitary Siren Forgotten in the wake, of so many mistakes Frowning, are the Eyes of Jade Deep inside The shadow wife of day While her torch smolders away The wind blows out the twilight flame Descending, she retires Confined by her denial Returning to her bed With washed off sultry smiles Eyes of Jade In masquerade Fade within the plastic promenade Beyond the gemstone clustered jewels Egyptian treasure gold of fools Bereft and bankrupt, now so old And such old news Tarnished, grey and sleepy are The Eyes of Jade Beyond the Clouds Today I know, I can’t be sad I’ve got to chase my dreams No matter how uncertain now and difficult just doing seems Things are not that bad Compared to what I’ve seen In darkest alleys Figurative and literally For I’m living my own life, only mine that’s truly so When I am happy, my own way, The light of day will beam on through The overcastting clouds today Away I go Things are only how I see the change in or perceive them Loneliness and lack of love can turn my blue-green eyes a colder, headstone gray If I chose to see the rainy, dark, metastasizing clouds that way Beyond the clouds, I have to think away Cold winds blow in Frost can form on the countryside Over hilltops thinking, spirit in me has to fly Beyond the clouds today And the light shines I’ve lain in bed so many lonely nights I’ve tried to trick my mind in thinking that I need another by my side To make me feel complete, which is illusion and a devious defense stonewall, Built up high from fools parade of pride But really, what I haven’t done and now have come to know Is love the one who’s sleeping there and burns to hold me close with all his life And feel him cry and dream with me, alive The friend who I’ve forgotten, stranded, lost somewhere, he is my soul, my essence and my talent! He is all that is forever growing, thinking, loving, laughing, crying, And his heart, for me; Still beating My one true love will always care. He smiles for me, a the brilliant sun He is forever loving me, for, after all, he’s all of me, he is my soul, my heart, my mind, He is ME And he is who I love so much Beyond the clouds today Inlet / Outlet Wrinkling, rippling, riding in Breathing, bending, folding seem Flowing, strolling, streaming thoughts Feeling Gliding and serene Rustling, hustling, wind through reed Slowly, carefully, keeping hold while wavering, slipping on the rocks My fishing boat is docked Scattering, scurrying, up and…Splash! Circles, swelling, drifting…. Washed out… Gone. Swimming, waving, fins through wakes And diving down, ‘tween rocks where it’s more safe I’m watching, following, on the docks I overhang Gazing on the minnows Sputtering motorboats pass through While all collections of my drifting, calmed, relaxed schools of streaming conscience shatter and drift away Settling, Soothing Washed out wake Autumns’ calling Russet leaves are falling Floating down the long n’ narrow inlet From the lighthouse pier, secured now, my mind thinks Except for waves that gently crash against the crag All’s silent At last How the soft sounds of the seagulls calling and people running in the sand Will sing n’ sway N’ echo, while my heart feels joyful memories with balanced beating, one now with the waves and shore That will never fully fade away Waltzing with my mind, the call of the wind and the breeze on my body On this last summer day Time to move on You love your house, your Knicks and knacks You’ve mastered that domain, in fact The closest people to you, friends and family May fade in time and drift away, while you wash the footprints of your grandkids off your hardwood floors, Then sweep vigorously at the dusty, dirty troubles of anxiety, turn your lights out, close your fancy curtains, sigh away from your husbands touch He’s given you a house n’ how much that you give, of you, to him, can often go unknown And if you ever slow yourself, oh, just enough to be there for your loved ones You’ll find them; wondering - in your yard or just outside your door, “what consumes her all so much?” With smiles from ear to ear and music from their hearts for you to hear There’s laughter as we all will reminisce Those crazy memories of our years! But you’re not near Where is Mom now? I ask my older sister What is Nana doing in there? Question cousins, all together “Daddy!” Nana never hugs you “Doesn’t your mother care?” “She doesn’t love you that much eh?” I’m sure she does, in her own special, unique way; I have to answer Taylor-Rae But your worry’s all that shows Your worry keeps our minds and bodies, not just yours; a’ whirling ‘round in dust of busy circles Which your anxious thoughts can never truly sweep away But we’re all now so much older And you’re cleaning out your loved ones from your life in that overwhelming way. Whatever it is Whatever still hurts? No matter what’s wrong Mom, Nana, Friend, Grandpa Joes’ dear wife It’s time to let it out, put it behind you, in the past Where it belongs, for once, At last! And breathe! It’s time for moving on It’s time to live, in life Before your life gives up on you And when you finally put your plates and brooms away, Cupboards closed and dishcloths wringed as only you know where they go or only you precisely do and there’s nothing left, distracting and when you finally tidy your domain and are not feeling messy, smeared distain, the finger smudge and footprints of your family and your grandkids, then, When there’s no reason to complain and this is coming from your wounded son, our imprints, may have finally gone After all your years of worry; Washing us away, We may have all, long since, Moved on Rich In character In self-awareness, self-assertion Fairness Rationality Loyalty Brotherhood Communication Leadership Dedication Strength – Having overcome so many obstacles Enriched Your students Your family Your friends Your wife Your athletes and their guardians In the life-learning process By the way you reflect their feelings For they’ve been listened to and understood Richer I am, For having known you For the example you’ve set; Your commitment to family, work, your’ self Your devotion and your balance You have always been a great friend and a true example of what a human being should be, RICHARD Dad You were Ray Scott long before I was ever alive You have always been the benchmark, that towards, I can only just attempt to strive I’ve been trying for my entire life to impress you - Perhaps, this may be true; (Perhaps, the same for you, that along the way) From Battle-Street to Edgeford Way, or, Ray Street North from Abraham Drive, While not accepting who “I” am inside You always seem so calm You make your plans and then move on You are so brilliant You can do anything you set your educated and unique mind to, and yet, You have the amazing gift to redirect, Refocus, give advice and simplify I applaud you I am Ray Scott, Junior I’m the second of two Sometimes, I feel, I overwhelm and upset number one With less organized, more scattered thoughts and actions Becoming much more of a bother than a fully-developed, model son But it’s been so hard to show you That in many ways, I have these talents still to share And my greatest gifts of all, Have been passed to me from you You’re a man of mystery and intrigue It’s amazing, every now and then, I’ll learn another thing you used to do, when you were young, or molded with creative hands, With music from poetic soul and artist’ heart Then, nonchalantly shrugged off, as if no big deal while everyone around was stricken with surprise and awe All grateful to take part in presentations of “Pulitzer prize” worthy performance art You keep us singing all your songs and needing so much more of you You need your time and space, I know, So a magic mind can hear and think But I can only hope your thoughts fly ‘cross those many skies you’ve travelled, far and wide, to visit where your proud and stubborn son still strives, to build his own life legacy and also, where he now still hopes he will become a glimmer or a sparkle, In your shimmering shrine of pride I’m callin’ For Johnny Hogenkamp I’m callin’ the home of Hogie But he ain’t home right now Ya’sir, I’m callin’ for Johnny Hogenkamp But he ain’t home right now We’ll be out here at 29 Abraham; Playin’ road hockey till the sun goes down Well, I’ze ulready called Lipovsky Called, Mason n’ Johnson n’ Rich Well, I’ze ulreday called Robbie, Lipovsky N’ telephoned Mason, n’ Jonson n’ Rich Napper’s already pulled inta’ my driveway, in that Auto-Trade Trans Am, hot rod Stick! (Ol’ Glenna’s gonna’ Bitch!) Well, Mikey, he’ll be in the pipes And me n’ Hunter will have a quick bee-‘rrrr Davey will puff on a green death smoke (lay on the lawn cuz o’ spasms, till he chokes) And I’ll put some ol’ bricks up as second net posts I’m callin’ the home of Hogie Cuz ol’ Rayzers’ a playin’ road hockey with all of the guys Over on 29, slapshotin,’ eye blackenin,’ for-checkin,’ Fred Shwartz pick-up truck side-mirror breakin,’ 90 % Johnston n’ 10% luck makin’ Tim Greenfield goal-tendin’ glove-savin’ rock star presentation A-aye, ee-eh…. Aee-ee aye-eee Abraham…… Drive! Dum didley dum, didley dum Dittee dum! Dittay dum…. Ta Dah! Oooh… Hogie! When we were all very young We’d set up home plate in the outfield, just beyond second base, So we could hit homeruns over the “Green Monsters” of the schoolyard fences We would bend our plastic blades for harder, higher, faster shots as well So we could score our Wendel wrist-shot ringers – blocker-side, top shelf! As we age, our blades get straightened and more rules are introduced Other obstacles and limitations are created too Preventing us to curve too much or swing too far beyond the fences Perhaps we all must keep it grounded, shots low, sticks down Come to our senses, So all can be run down, cut-off, cycled and deflected Our infield was, is once again, “Their” outfield Sister, Heather You were always there for me at times when nobody else was When Mom had to work or had emotionally checked out on us When Dad left the marriage and his children; questioning in doubt I had to be the tag-along with you and all your friends You were parentified and big sister-ized And given many roles That I never really thanked you for in the end But you accepted so maturely, Responsibilities and tasks As an adolescent, not prepared, to perform, oh so early No one really asked, In those years But you did your best, to keep your cool Even when I’d throw my toys, kick n’ fuss Or ride right home; a’ ratting When you’d steal some time to hide with friends, Caughtcha’ smoking once again! You were just trying to make time to figure out who’s you, I guess Looking back, I was just worried, ‘Could still have had your back, I must confess You helped to take good care of me Regardless of who’s’ choice it was I’m sorry for the insults And the tears that I have caused I was an active, crazy boy But you were always there for me You’re calm, cool, collected You’re a person who’s all around, respected I’m lucky that I had you for a guardian, back then You were my childhood mentor and I’m proud to call you “friend” And I thank you now, with all my heart, with love to last forever, For all you did for me, to help me grow Even though at times, it seems the distance could be closer And we’re now, both caught up in the rushing world, n’ so much older, There’s something, you must always know From your only younger brother I loved you, back when we were latch-key children And I love you still, my only sister, Heather Look at me now, dear daughter, Please; With eyes that are truly listening Because I’m here for you And I need you to hear That I love you so much And I think of you always Everywhere I go It devastates me when you turn your back and walk away Or won’t even say so much as hello I’m sorry for the hurt I’ve caused you Sorry, I know is not enough Not even a beginning I love you more than anything, My dear daughter Forever, I just want all the sadness, anger and doubt to leave And I need to see you calmly smile and feel good more I’m here for you I guarantee I’m listening, actively, with empathetic, genuine, loving curiosity I’m all ears for you If you ever need to talk to me I have high cholesterol. Real big shock! Is it time to give up wings? Hell No Doc! N’ all the drive-thru window, fried, n sugar-sweet, tasty things! My aorta valves n’ blood vessels, n’ colon r’ lined with battery, golden, onion rings! I’m only 36 years old but I’ve had my share of fatty foods I’ll have to give up so much stuff and be a healthy dude ‘Suppose I don’t wanna’ heart attack They run in the fam., this much is true N’ I don’t want my pipes patched with superglue And I’m, by far the Scott champion of saucy-smothered, icing-covered, glazed n’ buttered fast-food, greasy succulent snacks! But is that not one ribbon I don’t want pinned upon my ripped-wide-open difribulatin, surgically incisioned, mechanically operatin’ chest, While I’m past out, flat-lined, on my back? Stack of papers… Turn a page to a moment in time Fond memories in every line That I remember so clearly, Some smiley, some teary In a page from a moment in time Act 2012 The modern dance ballet performance, out among our city streets Has squeegee Black Swan Siera, (scabbed n’ sore with shirtless coward) creepin’ ‘round our cars, n trucks; withdrawing, door-to-door My daughter questions what they do I shed a tear for her and say, My darling, she’s so beautiful, “Look at her, so young!” A princess once, now with that addict she’ll rot away She’s frantically callin’ the dealer on a stolen cell She creeps n’ crawls n’ fixes in the alleys of a ballerina’s hell If she’s not walkin’ the lanes Then she’s in my basement apartment bathroom; steaming and poking her few good veins She’s dirty n’ starving Blood n’ mud n’ all her stains, Wash down my shower drain Intermission Sleep all day Then put on yer rags n’ dance your world away Ever since the very first taste, she was hooked by him The Devil; Who is working, so ever presently, …Hard To win us over But where is God! There is no question - The Devil exists But there’s all kinds of questions about God! Christ! Why the Hell is that! They won’t leave me alone! His disciples; Callin’ in my windows Writhing, cross the floor, beyond the bathroom door In every alleyway, ‘round every corner Just outside my home Abandoned, desolate, hopeless No love They crave him They’ll show up; looking for money What’s then my state of mind? Influenced??? Who will protect me? Family, love interests, old friends? Where is God then? In the middle of the night! Where is he, out on the streets; fighting hard? Has he lost his way? Satin, be silent! In the name of…..??? In the shadow of doubt Behind every bush Hooded and horking on the sidewalk Peering Always creeping in when I’m astray N’ sleepless Doubting Working hard; Calling my name Looking to put his thing in me With his globs of cum n’ piss puddles everywhere All over the road All over his dirty hos Calling, crawling, setting in - right outside my houses’ door the trance the dance Is it God that gives me the strength to kick him and his hookers out of my car? Before it goes too far? When my dark and devilishly seductive thinking Pulls the blinds down After crawling out of my head N’ falls ‘round my subordinated body ‘Helpless slave to the outside world, in basement, hiding, Pulls my clothes down with its’ heavy, depressing, manipulating anchor, And wraps all around me, as I’m sinking And it’s heavier than the titanic Can be colder than the iceberg, And the midnight sea, to be warmed by temptations flowing arousal More clouded than oil n’ blood spills Screwing me up Twisting In the sheets of my sleep chamber I cannot unwind It’ll touch me all over In dirty ways And feed me alcohol To keep me a weak victim, So easily swayed By it’s temporary game of master and slave Catch and release Escape …the faster my words explode from my mind the much more rapidly, they burn up before they’re put on paper And all that’s left, so many times, is ash There’s never enough time! What did I even want to say here! Late last night, in a Blurred, Concussive Haze: …Bereft and chasing myriad memories Tracing jigsaw fragments of my short term past, in a dark room; shaking a flashlight with dying batteries recalling the M.R.I while the shorting light switch in my bathroom flickers and burns with each new frame of mind I see myself in-the mirror Light bulbs Go off Anxiously Reflexive Still some steam And, Cloudy In a narrow, moon dust beam with dust rising I float, temporarily Out of this confusing and misleading labyrinth A puzzle of my own shorted thoughts Disconnected, like the bulbs above me I reach, struggling, To screw back in A scurry, then a Fall To reclaim me Reginald Wears a Raincoat Reginald wears a raincoat, On a sunny, summer day; Smiling in a window, Talking away Rebecca – rocks herself to calmness, In her treatment bed, Still, There; Rescued – from a funhouse room of sirens n’ shattering glass And when she’ll close her eyes, she’ll see the lightning flash That is why she cannot sleep And why she gives us all a run for our money Her soaked sheets shrink tightly Into her clenched, clawing fists Pulling everything in Not ever letting go No mourning Up all night Dawn – is out there, in the distance, The lake and sun are wrinkling Beyond the cottony clouds, pink hue and waves of blue that’s where she dreams away remembering her country yard n’ linens on the clothesline how she used to sway while mother’d sing to her while in her sandbox, she would play so calm watching the laundry blowing when everything was innocent and her parents were alive But in this hall! Bereavement eyes of bastardization scream! But nobody can see; The catatonic tramp, beneath the burnt out street lamp, in desolation alley; Craving, curled up, rocking, Poor Melanie, is misery Where all is complex and chaotic, In alleyways and corridors, the orphan toughens up and closes off The abused teens’ bleeding hands crumple the letter to the parent, She will never ever forgive Such brilliant, poor sponges They have so many methods of defense They poke the bears in all the right places They fix into our minds We want to trust and love them But they have already known our kind And Simone – He plays the harmonica In front of the cracked mirror of harmonies and mimicry For hours; Wearing someone else’s’ donated boots Worn n’ scuffed Second hand, rusty music Aimless of the routes - roots Just buskin’ Away The nine-year artist, with P.D.D Stands alone He starts to cry But, why? It’s like a reflective cinema screen, or Cartoon series box set Where I think he goes and lives But he always takes me to Disneyland In between the alleyways n’ corridors A’ buskin’ Where he seems to leave himself, To see his tears He studies the blue period in Picasso puddles where he’ll kneel And bend to overlook Fragments and abstract Splash! He jumps, then runs off, Across the field And I chase Afraid to lose him again He stops suddenly Digs his thumbs into his eyes I’m scared, N’ Confused He screams We rock ourselves to calmness In our treatment beds In alleyways n’ corridors And in the states of mind, locked in our heads ‘Rock ourselves, catatonic or to self-medicate in the frames, within our mind we’re frozen on a borderline we think into a prison in our deep, depressing cells our thoughts take hold and chain us but, not dead to live, it’s not too late; to escape to heaven, out of hell Intrigue what’s intriguing to another might be something stale n’ stagnant, but to me, what is invisible to someone else, ‘enshrined, for my reflexive eye to see Someone different, from the rest Well, sometimes, goes for years, or lives, unnoticed Non-recognized While continuities’ fashion fads Still kills the spontaneity of moments, born to be forgotten in such popular, anxious, restlessness Massage As my minds’ massaged and cradled like a bruised-wing, wounded white dove In mothering hands of angels’ love And soothing songs surrounding I become, Reflexive And return Through triggered, tickled sense-points And neuropath to find my way Flashed back to my adolescence and Moratorium memories I was a walking contradiction Seeking membership Standing in line Nearly pushing n’ shoving But finding myself more shoved away Onto the borderline Buskin’ In the alleyway I was a V.I.P in the audience of scrutiny And all around were those damn mirrors Of self fulfilling, egocentric, prophesying scrutiny A shrinking stadium from middle school to St Paul Streets’ terminals, halls n’ corridors a squeezing, young addiction obsession for confirmation But within that need there lies the word conform: Just take out the “I” The most basic and essential the hierarchy The need to be “Me” While everyone else, as I now clearly see, (While laying here; releasing) Who perhaps felt and showed a unique personality Ignoring all the cumbersome, indifferent crowds, Seeing them so inexplicably dull n’ automaton-ized When, in fact, I could not truly fathom who they were, inside And they were just intimidated, Like me To know “I” Within such all ensconcing Egocentricity What’s now most intriguing? For them And now, In - me? Everything else comes first Lately, I am being stretched in oh, so many ways Sleeping in; I drag my ass through hazy, lazy days So many people are depending on me I must depend on who I truly want to be Too tired to try right now to motivate myself Few things seem real to me, so many, Are of prime concern My creativity swirls inside a shell I’m too busy now to cast coins in the wishing well Ahh. Ahh. (Harp Solo) I try to shrug it off; say, it doesn’t matter much at all Everything else comes first, I could be headed for a fall But I don’t care right now, I say into my cell phone voice recorder My tired eyes are aging, right before me, in the rearview mirror What is clearer! Ahh ahh (Harp Solo) No more coins and the well is dry Ah.. Ah… Droning underneath the smoke-gray, heavy tombstone sky (Harp Solo) Lullaby for My Sweet Angel I’m standing here, at the crib Where you will sleep When you come home To your home For the first time Thinkin’ down the road ahead How many more times you’ll walk through that door So far away that is Unknown I know There will be times when you’re afraid Times when you can’t cope Your dreams may seem to slip away When some paths lead you astray But I now sing I sing, to you A lullaby I will be here; to watch you grow I will be reassuring and supportive for you And all the things I know and do I’ll be sharing, joyfully, with you I will catch you. Believe me! You know it’s true At the bottom of the real steep slide I will let you stand on my sneakers So your tall enough for the big kid rides When you’re older and you feel alone When it’s late, just call, I’ll take you home When you are somewhat scared, don’t hide! Together, hold my hand, sweet child N’ we will sing, The lullaby ‘Sing a lullaby I will always Sing to you This lullaby I will Sing This lullaby Warm, smooth miracle I’m so amazed and mesmerized Crystal gleams in her eyes Reflections chime From the whispering candle light Sweet symphony I kiss her lips and I’m so alive We hold each other close, all night Shangri-La’s within her eyes The sighing smoke whirls to crescendo While the spirit in her calls me, as a cool breeze Through my open, Caledonia country window And Grand River carries us away, on an almost endless boat ride Safely, Securely, Sigh Calling, Calling The birds, the willow trees The soothing sway We breathe I slip into that magic forever, in that shining space of stars a’ shining high above And deeply in that ocean of her eyes Reflecting the watery, calm call, rippling, in a wrinkling light There’s a waxy, warm, smooth miracle Happily crying Our hands hold the candle together Melting Molding our hands as one Holding Holding She is the love of my life; Flowing and free With the river Us three, Now one Certainty Embraced and flowing Deep into the shadowy unknowns Of all that is Around Within Out there And, to be Searching for that magic solitude in the undying calmness of the whispering sedation and windy shore of that deep ocean of oneness Ocean blue, Natalia ‘Think I love you Allow me to wax in wonder at your grace Your soft, sweet curves, to feel my full lips, warm breath trace Each bud and shivery, tingling goose bump taste The scent of passion Where we embrace Neath the trees of Binbrook Our veins Grounded to the Earth, yet branching out, everywhere Breathing Each others’ breathe With roots so full of new, intoxicating oxygen and rushing blood We flow like the river We are life! In this poetic dream, I run my trembling finger through her weeping willow hair ‘with shaking hands; reach to this angels’ face to part the braids from her blond veil And in a supernova blast, her eyes scream jade and amber stardust colour in a sunny Caribbean wave through arctic glacier and aurora northern nebulae Her arms fall slowly to her side, While I kiss her softly like all those bending branches swaying along the riverside how these Binbrook trees, along this hwy 56 are reminiscent tears to my blue-green eye for those long, romantic Dunville picnics and Byng Island evening canoe rides Let me bow for you and take your hand In the misty dawn; uncovering Forests, sighing evergreen In spirit wind and unity Allow me to flow along with you In rivers of calm blue patience Mirrored While we float together calmly in our own lagoon of accepted unpredictability Yet we’re secure While all around our certainty, The roughest waves of time-tsunamis Between us The only distance is the space we share while listening Sharing Breathing Gently Lips move closer All is pleasantly swelling Clouds and waves and our lips Parting Hearts and thunder beating A sun shower begins While our raft reaches sand And we roll into the shore with the tide And make passionate love in the cool, wet white sands; shining, And our youthful laughing sounds across the vastness of forevers’ aquamarine sea How do I express such gratitude to you? For the experience of you For the miraculous, wondrous experience Of simply, basking in the glow of your smile You shine like a happy sky Clearly, with freckles and twinkles, endless From your reassuring, pleased eyes, sending; A warm, kind, gentle rush of calmness and content That I yearn to bathe in, like a tropical lagoon, waterfall or hot spring Forever You are the last true gem In a sea of rubble and ash From terror’s war Of too many people obsessing over the same things In confirmations’ conformity You stand tall Beaming Like a giant sun Through a galaxy of clouded dead stars’ dust You glimmer and shine and turn ash to diamonds And recreate life in the earth and sky, all around Just by being here Reflecting And I feel somewhat guilty For wanting Am I now too, obsessing? This is not what has caused the harm they’ve done This is true love And what takes me to the perfect kindness and pure creation In your laughing, brilliant, loving eyes He must sustain The ecstasy Eternal high What he must feel Won’t set him free The pharmacy Has locked the door He pounds the ground With his bleeding hands Writhes on the floor In corridors What’s he good for! Nothing is real Out in the cold All alone In alleyways A foggy gaze And the traffic always turns and swerves When his heart shrills n’ he stumbles from the curb And he’s poked n’ punctured every burnt up nerve And he’s just so cursed N’ he’s runnin’ from his hurt Dark black stones Of the forsaken eyes So far away from The man inside This prescription, he must have refilled This line’s on hold At 3 am He curls up in The dirty bed In a downtown room Fetal cocoon ‘All the lure is sin ‘Consumes his head Clinging onto his tray of tools He’s the living dead He falls asleep Starving for food Ginseng pipe in hand, still muttering; Just one more hoot The holes are deep Out on the street He needs the fill But it’s just misery Seasonal Love What is it about seasonal love? That makes us weep? Like naked branches, Bending in the wind Of winter Shuttering snow We lie to our dearest companions, ourselves In secret but to keep Enslaved by our own masked inadequacies Settling for a caretakers’ role We’re pretentious in this quest toward dependence and stability When everything about us Manifests as inattentiveness and incongruity Who was it that elected politician; stealing pearls from angry Woman of the Sea? And named a new tradition, to worship their own legacy Presenting in binding of commitment on a satin pillow So symbolic indeed The marble eye of love That, within each dawn, glows; Watching And in dusk, Begins to close, so milky The dream shell Where have they gone, in worlds where loneliness keeps still Within the hollow hells of isolations’ curse And unheard, dying shrills? Where has the right to be alone, peacefully, with confidence gone? Have we not desired far too much, scorned by jewelries’’ monetary flare With all of it, are we not walleyed and blinded, Entranced from staring at the chandelier shimmering stars for far too long? Where is change in this world, like an old wooden mill wheel? Forcing rusty streams to flow And bloom continuity and congruence When the very diamond that will bind my right to passage With the woman who I love and will walk through many thresholds with Becomes this cold, captivation stone; Enslaving us in cells of debt ‘Owned by our wardens – the imaginary audience Wearing on our mind and body Now, in golden symbolism, fused Imprisoning our indifferent spirits Paranoid numb from scrutiny Sullen in such suffocating, claustrophobia Of pristine modern marriage myth Who will bless us if we are not enough to bless ourselves? With answers, concrete to obscene? In living Hell We’ve suffered only circumstances Of our own cognitions’ irrational prophecies Interpreting each sunrise as a tease from God or wickedly unachievable dream We will continually seek out confirmation for our doubt and self-defeating talk We will hold strong to our cynicism concepts, creeping in conformist’ seduction high heel –steps- Together, We Will- walk - For we’ve bound ourselves with modern age, collective super wheels And we continually suffer cycling mistakes Our flaw of thought and faltering trust Instills a certain careful, Shivering fear There’s reluctance in reliance to be a passenger of the force that steers Can we reconnect and love again? Amidst the smothering smoke of sensational news; Quelling creativity and joy Dispersing toxic listlessness and heavy clouds of laziness and misery Can we rise again? Can we even release, be independent, laugh, have ideas, shed a tear? In failing to remember why we’d meditate in cities that still scream and billow For progressions’ sake Persisting in a draining drone To change, as seasons do We both forget that we must fight To ever own Our fate Amidst the late evening of winter, Melting into spring brooks; babbling I am asleep Her delicate, misting-mouth trudges Through jaw -line swerves and curves Round rugged ledges of my chin Tangling in the wild weeds of my swampy, sighing face, unshaven Sticking in the humid, shrubby crevice between, Carefully, Continuing To find landmark On the warm moistness of my soft lips, Slightly parted; breathing steam To paint them, faintly, with a rose petal kiss And she’s startled there, halfway, in the wet and murky turquoise of my eyes When the thorns of my anxious minds’ crown deter me while those thoughts sigh But she reassures While I blink and smile, A little shy We finally kiss And it’s an emotionally wondrous landslide, Along sloped hills of sensitivity (soft clay erosion and waterfalls) Climbs and dives And peeks and wells With butterflies A’ gliding Transcending space and time Launched off ecstasy’ cliff, like eagles Splashing at the end Then rippling like divine musical vibrations ‘cross a calm wake in a tributary of transition Like keys or plucking strings From shale stones’ resonation; skipping We’re well rested in each others’ thoughts Just swimming Playfully So naked, Purely balanced, tuned in, then Floating Like I, In her, She wraps herself in me As we become flooded in each others’ comfort fulfillment And the soft wind whirls her fair hair ‘round my head; A sandy beach blanket veil Pulls me in, ensconced by all the starry wonders of this lovely night Where we are so close, together – One And our minds, bodies and souls Are joined When our eyes collide, Like stars And fuse together - Fiery And then, We are alone, In love and all is truly right Is this the one? Her eyes became two glowing moons Of copper spheres and ember rings with ardent flare And I Stood frozen, in bewilderment, So enslaved By this passionate and fiery glare The swelling heat inside those orbs; so waxing, Soon absorbed me As if no one else was even in the musty, dark and most deceptive Tavern room Clouds of shuffling pretenders, n’ desolate, dead-enders; Parted way and folded over for This magnetic force to pull us closer, Together Like master and slave Or two equals? Almost in a moon-trance My desire for this hypnotizing beauty whisked me in a gasping, nervous wave Toward her Like the lady of the lake; calling Despite the background warnings of the banshee from those lost out there, so broken Calls from the desolate, back on the fading shore, in vain Her seductive grin is now my lighthouse And she’ll act pleased to fill my glass And in several million ways, intoxicate me easily and fast There, I glided, off my feet, through their dead wake Beneath the billiard table starlight Into a fusion of the mirages’ safe and mystic solitude and lonely fool’ Love, At first sight Within her beckoning smile, breaking through the clouds Of boredom smolder Time, for me, stood still and all else just went silent While her Gypsy eyes did sparkle and she became Miraculously bolder In taking on the role of my one master and controller I reached out, from my captured soul, so desperate and obsessed To her, like a tree, up to the sun My fingers stretched and curled, to feel her soft, sweet painted face I twisted and I turned, as do burnt out swirling comets, Through dark dimensions plunging Through galaxies of resurrection; meandering, Following that trace Of stardust; Shimmering in clusters, Where I’m reborn to chase When she’ll turn away Every single time While made mad by overanalyzing Every frame of her seducing mind I’ll follow Her teasing trail Forever apologizing Away I go Lost, through many black-holes I have been in search of this ‘Easy victim? Maybe so In tavern full of loneliness and need For not in centuries, I have feared, That our eyes would finally meet! Now is this true? Can she be real? After all the shortcomings and such pain I’ve gone through And endured? The season fades, Then is born a ‘new Let still redeem My love for you Will I paddle the canoe? Will I row with you everywhere? Will I let us just float On a wave of time Till the line of the horizon is gray, Or, in the calmness of this evening, will we forever stay? Achieving - while dreaming tomorrow, After today Alleyways and Corridors N’ Other Frames of Mind Buskin’ on the borderline Raymond J. Scott – Ray Scott, 2012 Aim for 170 plus pages. Then, forward / prelude / acknowlegements??? Table of contents Cover Back page photo etc… Check annes’ link And xilibris…be certain of publishing / copyrights etc… Posted by Ray Scott at 13:17 Email This BlogThis! 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